


Let Your Dreams Set Sail

by Jaansche



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Chef Lexa, Drama, F/F, Food Critic Clarke, Romance, SLOWBURN extreme, Ship Journey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-12-27
Packaged: 2018-06-08 21:09:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 65,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6873316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaansche/pseuds/Jaansche
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would happen if you're stuck with someone at sea, who had made your professional life miserable?<br/>Welcome to the story of Chef Lexa Woods and Food Critic Clarke Griffin... Will this end in a ship wreck or will their dreams set sail?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya!
> 
> I'm back with another new story. I couldn't decide which one to write first, so I started both at the same time. My girlfriend is back from vacation so thanks to her for proofing it. :)  
> Without further ado... Hope you'll enjoy.

# Let your dreams set sail (hook, line and sinker)

# Chapter 1

 

Lexa climbed out of the taxi and deeply inhaled the fresh, salty air into her lungs. She had had an eight-hour journey stuck in her bones and her flight had been less than comfortable. She was happy to have finally reached her destination.

She had grown up at the seafront and she’d missed everything about it. She had missed the smell and sounds of the sea, she realized and let her head fall back and enjoy the caw of the gulls high above her head. Everything inside of her slowed down. Her heartbeat synced with the waves crashing on the shore and her thoughts stopped twirling around and she could finally focus on some of the things running through her head. She had recently quit her job in a well-decorated 5 star restaurant she had worked for over 7 years. She had started as a station cook or ‘Chef de Partie’ and had worked her way up to the Head Chef or ‘ Maître Chef de Cuisine’. After the daily routine had killed her new exciting ideas, she had yearned for something else, something different, but most importantly somewhere else and somewhere different. She was sick and tired of her old life, exhausted by the many hours she had given to the restaurant instead of spending any free time in her gorgeous apartment in downtown Polis. However, most prominently she had felt robbed off her chances to explore life. She had come to an end of the career ladder and had faced some unpleasant situations throughout her time at the restaurant and so she had started to apply to new jobs. One in particular had caught her attention, but she hadn’t got her hopes up. She usually didn’t get what she wanted. Therefore, when the job-offer had come, she hadn’t hesitated and had agreed to all the terms and conditions. Due to the aforementioned unpleasant situations Lexa had found herself in, more precisely half a year ago with a unfortunately very bad review, it had been easy for her to quit her contract and come out here.

 

Lexa stepped up to the information desk, currently being handled by a young woman in a crisp uniform.

“Hi there.” Lexa said with a smile on her full lips.

The woman looked up. “Hello. What can I do for you?” She answered and Lexa eyed her name badge that read ‘Harper Piesces’, before offering her hand in greeting.

“Hi Harper. My name’s Lexa Woods and I’m the new head chef for the main dining restaurant.”

“Oh, awesome. We’ve been looking forward to your arrival Ms Woods. Welcome on board.” The blonde exclaimed excitedly and gestured to the gangway leading up to the huge cruise ship, which would be Lexa’s home for the unforeseeable future.

“Um, Lexa is fine really.” She smiled and took a hesitant step towards the ship, but turned back once more. “Whom should I approach?” She asked unsure.

“I’ll announce your arrival and have someone come and pick you up.” Harper said and unclipped her radio. Lexa nodded thankfully and made her way slowly up the walkway into the ‘MS Adventure of the Seas’, a modern first-generation Voyager-class cruise ship operated by Royal Caribbean International. The home harbour of the cruise line was in Miami, Florida, however Lexa had had to fly out to Puerto Rico, where her first tour, the ‘Southern Caribbean Cruise’ would start and end. She carefully walked higher and higher up the boarding bridge, with worrisome thoughts flooding her body like a cold drink on a hot summer day, filling her body, leaving an aching and slightly nauseating feeling behind.

‘Would she be good enough for this position? Was she creative enough for the clientele she would face here?’ She had been scolded publicly for her unexciting style more than once and it had fuelled her hatred for the critics and spurred her pride to prove them wrong.

She was pulled out of her musings by a young man, who had quickly run over when she had finally arrived on board.

“Ms Woods!” He called out and waved. Lexa blew out some air, raking her fingers through her long mane.

“Lexa.” She corrected but politely shook his offered hand.

“Oh. Ok. Well my name’s Jasper Jordan. I’m one of your kitchen assistants.”

“Right. Hello Jasper.”

“Let me show you around. We have like an hour before the management wants to see you.”

# ***

Jasper guided her through the passenger side of the ship in a quick tour. It had 15 decks, 10 pools and whirlpools plus a solarium, a spa, fitness centre, and 15 bars and lounges, a mock market place and café promenade for coffee, pastries and snacks, a casual dining possibility offering fresh-off-the-grill burgers and the main dining room, her future workplace. The ship even had a casino, a jogging track (which Lexa had already decided to try out), a rock climbing wall and an inline skating track as well as an ice skating rink. The biggest surprise to Lexa was the existence of a theatre, which showed Broadway-style shows and original productions.

“So passengers really get something for their money, huh?” She joked, clearly impressed by the amount of various entertainment possibilities and the quality throughout.

“Yeah, and the best thing, we are allowed to use some of it in our downtime.”

“Which?”

“All the sports facilities for example.”  
“That’s really great!”

“The theatre and restaurants as well.”

“Are the shows any good?”

“I don’t know. I only started working a month ago and we only went out for two  or three night Bahama cruises.”

The main dining room and kitchen was located on the lower decks, right below an Italian restaurant.

“So there are 1,200 crewmembers from over 57 countries working on the ship at the moment?” Jasper spouted the fact with pride.

“I didn’t know that. That’s impressive.” Lexa replied, clearly surprised by the high number. “I take it you’re from the good old States of America though?” She asked.

“Born and raised in Ton DC on the east coast.”

“I know where that is.” Lexa nodded. In fact, her family came from a small place close to the city called Arkadia, right on the ocean.

“Where are you from?”

“Polis, middle of America.”

“Cool, and you always wanted to be a chef?”

“Pretty much. I learned how to cook from my mom, before she’d passed away.”

They reached the kitchen entrance and Jasper smiled genuinely at her. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“Lexa Woods?” A firm voice requested her attention and she turned immediately towards its source. A dark skinned woman walked up and stopped shortly in front of Lexa, who nodded her affirmation to the question. The woman eyed her emotionless before addressing her tour guide. “Mr Jordan, please get ready for your shift now and thanks for showing her around.” She then turned back to the newcomer and extended a hand. “Welcome on board. Indra Rugger. I’m responsible for all the culinary places on board.” She said and Lexa took her hand and shook it once.

“Thanks for the great opportunity. I’m really looking forward to working here.”

“I’m glad to hear it. You’re quite last minute, I’m afraid. We will start boarding in one hour and that will last till mid afternoon. We are leaving this evening.”

“I have been informed. What do you want me to do?”

“I’ll have someone taking you to your cabin. Change and be back here in one hour. I’ll personally give you a rundown of your kitchen and how things work.” She said and walked off leaving Lexa to have a first look at the restaurant. It extended over large sections of three decks and the overall design was glamorous and elegant. Exactly what Lexa would have expected, her eyes flew over the sea of chairs and tables and stopping at a huge chandelier hanging down from the ceiling that was visible through all three floors.

“It’s beautiful, just a little too tacky.” Lexa jumped at the voice close behind her. She hadn’t heard anyone stepping up to her. “Oh, sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you. Indra told me to come pick you up. Octavia.” The brunette smiled widely extending her hand.

“Hi Octavia. Lexa.” She answered reciprocating the greeting gesture.

“Call me O. I’m in the cabin next to you, hence me coming to get you.” She explained and started to walk off as Lexa followed her, trying to imprint the layout of the employee decks into her brain.

“Hey don’t worry. We’ve all got lost plenty of times. Here -” she pointed to a map and placed her finger on the staircase. “We’re here at the moment. The restaurant is over there and the sleeping quarters are down here.” She moved her finger over the map to illustrate more clearly.

“Ok…” Lexa drawled off, still completely confused and overwhelmed at the vastness of the ship. “So, what do you do on board?” She turned back to her guide as they continued downstairs.

“I’m one of the trainers on board.” She answered, when they stopped in front of a closed cabin door. “That’s you, 307. My room is 309. Any questions so far, Lexa?”

“How long have you been working for the shipping company?”

“Three years now.”

“That’s a long time.”

“Yeah, but I have made some great friends on board, and my gypsy soul is happy to get up, and move around every now and then.” She laughed out loud. “Hey, you should totally come and join us tonight for the ‘official tour downtime drink’.”

“Thanks, but I fear my job won’t allow much time off in the evenings.”

“True. Well if you change your mind, radio me. Have a good day Lexa.”

“Thanks.” She replied gratefully. “You too O.” She pushed the heavy cabin door open and stepped through into her home. It was fairly small with a bunk bed for her sole use. She put her bag down on the lower one and climbed up into the top bed and lay down, closing her eyes for a second. ‘That’ll do,’ she thought and got up again. She quickly unpacked her suitcase, which had been transferred to her cabin, and changed into her work outfit. The additional ship attire would probably be given to her later on. She pushed the suitcase underneath the lower bed and turned round to have a quick glance in the mirror. She looked tired. She was tired, but sleep would have to wait. She was more excited to finally start her new job. She splashed some water onto her face and dried her skin, before straightening up and leaving her cabin to find her way back to the restaurant.

# ***

_Three weeks earlier_

“I get to go where now?” Clarke Griffin exclaimed to no one in particular, when she screened over the one email, which had spiked her interest out of the extensive daily flood of electronic post.

_Hi Clarke,_

_I know you told me you don’t want to leave the city for a job, but I really, really need you to do me this favour. Monroe has been in an accident and won’t be able to go, but the agency has already agreed and signed a contract to cover the tour. It would be more than your usual assignment. You are asked to try out anything on offer, and by anything, they apparently mean everything available, which is a lot! I’ve attached the brochure and map they have provided. Please, have a look at it and let me know soon._

_Thanks._

_Markus_

“God, I hate it when he begs.” She groaned, opening the attachments and whistling once the information was uploaded. “Wow!” She blew out some air and leaned back in her chair.

“Guess I’m going on a cruise.” She sang and picked up her phone.

# ***

Lexa had managed her way back with only getting lost twice and was mentally congratulating herself, when she stepped through the winged door to the kitchen. She quietly wolf-whistled her appreciation and walked closer into the depth of her new workplace. It was modern and the layout was well-thought out. She estimated approximately 30 people currently present, cutting, baking, heating, frosting, chopping, seasoning, juicing, sharpening, frying and kneading away on their respective stations. She spotted Jasper at the vegetable station and smiled at him, who awkwardly waved at her with a knife and an onion. She slowly approached the Boucher, a bald man in his late 40, who was currently busy taking apart ribs of a cow to prepare various cuts. He looked up at her, when she was close enough and furrowed his brows.

“Hi.” Lexa said warmly. “Lexa Woods.”

“Oh.” The man’s frown morphed into a small smile. “Welcome boss.” He said and nodded to her once and continued. “Titus Balder, I’m responsible for the meat, as you can see.”

She smiled and gestured for him to continue. She ran her hand over a clean, metal top, when she heard footsteps approaching her and turned around.

“Ms Rugger.” Lexa acknowledged the presence of the executive culinary head.

“Ms Woods. Please come along.”

She was led further into the back of the kitchen to a small office.

“This is your space.” Indra explained and closed the door behind them. “Let me be very frank Ms Woods. You are very young to be in this position. The board members are aware of your excellent reputation, which is why you are here.” She paused and held eye contact with the new chef for several moments. “But.” She concluded. “This won’t be easy.”

“I’m conscious of the fact that I’m young, but I have proven again and again that I’m capable of directing a fully equipped kitchen with ten and more stations.” Lexa countered and held the piercing gaze of her superior.

“I know, and they know.” She gestured back to the kitchen through the small window overseeing almost all of the areas. “But they won’t like it. I’ve seen you talking with Mr Balder. He’s one of the longest serving members on board and had hoped to be appointed to head chef. The decision to hire you instead has been explained to him, however I doubt he’ll go easy on you.”

“I’ll make sure to include him in the executive process as much as possible. I take it, he’s a valued member of the team and people know him. I’d be a fool to not use this to my advantage.”

Indra smiled at that, but quickly adopted her usual neutral expression. “Very wise Ms Woods.” She walked around the desk and switched on the PC. “All orders are done electronically. We have a set menu, which I advise you to keep for now, but you’re highly encouraged to create your own dishes and experiment as much as you want, as long as it tastes exceptional.” She laughed.

“Sounds reasonable. Are the menus available online as well?”

Indra showed to the software used to order, and the online content. She explained how to process and request and pointed out the guidelines given by the shipping company. Lexa listened intently to all the information and wrote down notes she would review later to learn them by heart. An hour later the two women left the office to re-enter the kitchen area, which was now buzzing in anticipation of the evening’s first dinner. Indra took one of the rolling step stools and positioned herself on top of it, emitting a sharp, piercing whistle to gain the attention of the busy staff.

“Ladies and gentlemen. This is Lexa Woods your new Head Chef. Please welcome her accordingly and make her settle quickly. Thank you.” Indra stepped down, all eyes on Lexa, who smiled shyly at the attention.

“Right.” She started and climbed up the stool too, to be seen by everyone. “First of all, I’m excited to meet you and look forward to working with you. Secondly, please call me Lexa. Thirdly, I’m open to new ideas if pitched professionally. Last but not least, I’m not going to tell you how to do your job, unless you don’t do your job. I expect professionalism and congeniality and will not tolerate slacking and bad-mouthing.” She paused and swiped her gaze over everyone to emphasize her last point. Smiling, she finished, “Thank you and let’s rock the boat.” A polite round of applause erupted as quickly as it stopped again and everyone turned back to the task at hand.

“I’ll leave you to it then.” Indra said and started to walk off, before addressing Lexa again. “Oh before I forget. Your jacket and hat are in your office as well as your name badge and radio. Please contact me if you need anything. Great to have you on board.” With that she finally left, leaving Lexa on her own. She walked back into her office, closed the door and sighed audibly. She slowly changed her jacket for the labelled one offered by the company, attached her name badge and slipped her key card over her head. “Let’s start.” She whispered and pushed back into the kitchen, grabbing the menu off the whiteboard. She studied the dishes and started to work in some of her ideas.

“Titus?” She called out, whilst walking to him. “Do you have a minute?” Upon seeing him nod, she smiled and continued. “I’d like to know all about the dishes we’re offering.”

His eyes went wide and he mumbled. “All of them?”

“I’ve been informed you’ve been working on board the longest. I assume you’d know about the dishes.” Without so much as a heartbeat, he nodded convincingly and started to rattle off the wanted information.

# ***

Clarke climbed out of the taxi and stopped dead in her tracks upon seeing the ‘Adventure of the Seas’ for the very first time. “Wow.” She exclaimed and shaded her eyes with her left hand, reclining her head to take in the whole ship. “That’s one badass cruise monster.” She nodded approvingly and congratulated herself for accepting the job. ‘I’m one lucky bitch’, she thought to herself, as she walked over to the reception stand to check in.

“Clarke Griffin.” She said to the young woman, who had looked up at her when she’d approached.

“Certainly, one second Ms Griffin.” She smiled and glanced intently at the laptop in front of her, searching for the name. “Ah, yes. Ms Clarke Griffin.” She nodded and ticked off the passenger from the list. “You have booked one of our junior suites. These rooms offer a comfortable bedroom, small seating area and a private balcony.” She explained and Clarke’s eyes widened at the information. She hadn’t been informed about that little detail.

“Here are your keys. We will take your luggage to your room. You’re welcome to explore the ship or if you’d rather freshen up, I’ll have someone take you to your room.”

“That’s alright. I’ll have a look around.”

“Certainly Ms Griffin. In front of the Market Square on deck five you’ll find the Champagne Bar. A welcome drink is offered on the house.”

“Thank you.” Clarke said, but thought ‘freaking awesome!’ She accepted her key and shouldered her laptop bag and ascended the bridge. She walked to the nearby stairs and pulled out the printed map she had received with her email communication. She located deck five easily and was on her way. She had been informed that the reason for her presence on board had not been revealed to anyone but the captain and first officer and she was supposed to meet with them at the early evening aperitif party, after they’d set sail.

She had plenty of time to kill and strolled over to the mentioned bar to accept her welcome drink.

# ***

It had become busy around her as various guests, couples, small groups and families had started to fill the decks. Clarke had retreated to a more secluded area and had started her research on her laptop, writing down a few notes of her first impressions, just in time to witness their departure from Puerto Rico. It was impressive to see such a huge ship loudly awake into action and smoothly moving away from the harbour and advancing into the open water of the North Atlantic Ocean. Once the ship had been put out to sea, Clarke felt the speed picking up, and her hair moved in the breeze with fresh salt water spray covering her soft skin. She could get used to this. Being a food critic had its perks, but reviewing whole journeys was definitely a big step up. She should send a bouquet to Monroe to thank her for breaking her hip.

# ***

Once the ship was moving, the kitchen entered their last 2 hours of preparation time and everyone was buzzing around. Lexa revelled in the feeling of a highly active kitchen. She loved the anticipation of the evening; the stress to come. After going over the set dishes, which would be offered each night with Titus, they had agreed on keeping only a few and renewing the rest from day to day. Lexa had experiences in Caribbean cuisine, one of the reasons for her employment on board, and was eager to offer some local dishes to passengers, who wanted to broaden their horizons. She hadn’t been able to coordinate the deliveries of the needed groceries for her more advanced dishes, before they had left the harbour that afternoon, and therefore would have to wait until they would land in St. John’s, Antigua.

Whilst Titus was good at organising the kitchen to produce the well-known dishes, Lexa would cook personally and teach the team the new menu additions. For tonight, they had planned to create a welcome dinner with American and more southern dishes before slowly venturing into the real Caribbean cuisine over the next few days.

Lexa was currently busy creating her own version of a Jerk chicken and a Jerk pork. She had taken three kitchen assistants to help her cooking, whilst leaving the rest to Titus and the set menu. She was pleased with the outcome of her creations, and was already looking forward to serve. Lexa quickly checked the time; she still had half an hour left before the first round of dinner started. She turned back and focused on grilling the bananas to perfection. She wouldn’t leave anything unsupervised and ran between her own station and her assistant’s with a big smile on her face. Yes, Lexa Woods revelled in the feeling of a highly active kitchen.

# ***

 Clarke had been to her cabin and freshened up, before she had her appointment with the captain. She was currently leaning against the railing next to the ship’s bridge and eying the buzzing activity with curious eyes. There were at least ten people, all in pressed uniforms, at each station. Some were yelling commands back and forth and some were just confirming with one-syllable answers. After a minute of calm, Clarke’s gaze fell onto a tall man, who was approaching her. She straightened her posture and smiled welcomingly, when he stopped in front of her.

“Ms Griffin I assume?” He asked her.

“Yes. Captain Bryne?”

He laughed small-lipped and shook his head. “No, Captain Bryne will see you now though.” Clarke furrowed her brow but followed him inside the ship’s bridge to be let to an office she hadn’t seen from her observation point earlier. He knocked twice and to Clarke’s surprise a female voice ordered them to enter.

Clarke was slightly pushed past the man, and her eyes fell onto a tall white woman in an immaculate uniform with a strong physical appearance and an even stronger, closed off facial expression. Her blonde hair was secured in a loose bun at the nape of her neck and her superior eyes fixed on Clarke.

“Ms Griffin. I’m aware of your assignment on board of my ship and I will have you informed this stunt was not approved by me. I do not encourage any type of snooping around nor do I accept you questioning my staff. Have I made myself clear?”

“Ms Bryne. I -” She was rudely interrupted by the older woman.

“It’s Captain Bryne, Ms Griffin.” She spat out.

“Captain Bryne then.” Clarke sneered. “My presence has been requested by the shipping company, and as far as I’m familiar with authority, that makes them your boss. Unless you fancy questioning your employer’s decision, I suggest you let me work the way I like.” Clarke replied with a sweet smile. The captain narrowed her eyes to small slits, her frustration palpable in her clenched jaw and wide nostrils.

“Fine.” She said after a moment. “What is your style then?”

“I’m actually quite easy Captain Bryne. No need to activate the cavalry. I’ll promise to be as invisible as possible. I believe to be able to experience the journey in its wholeness, I have to stay in the background and observe. Do you have a problem with that as well?”

The woman forced a hostile smile on her face and nodded once sharply. “Fine. Just don’t disrupt the workflow and don’t expect special treatment.”

“I won’t expect anything beyond the offered pampering and relaxation.” Clarke tilted her head and bored her steel blue eyes into her opponent’s. After another moment, Clarke nodded to herself. “Fine. I’ll see myself out. Thanks for the lovely talk Captain Bryne.” She quickly opened the door and left the ship’s bridge to avoid another run in with any power-obsessed officer. She was annoyed by the treatment, but a part of her could understand the Captain’s briskness. If she had been forced to accept anyone in her life, observing and judging what she appreciated and liked, she’d be angry too.

Clarke checked the big clock above the main reception desk and decided to see if she could get early dinner.

The way towards the main dining restaurant was indicated with little arrows and Clarke found it for once easy to navigate herself through the labyrinth of the big cruise ship. When she stepped through the winged door the teasing smell of exotic food tickled her senses and she couldn’t help but swallow in anticipation. She quickly stepped up to the hostess, a young woman with long dark hair and inquisitive eyes.

“Good evening.” Clarke smiled. “Is there a table for one available at the moment?”

“We have plenty of tables. What’s your name please?”

“Griffin.”

“Ms Griffin, yes. One minute.” The woman turned around and gestured to a waiter to come over.

“Monty, can you take Ms Griffin to table 214 please?” She turned back with a wide smile and added. “I hope you’ll enjoy your dinner. The Caribbean dishes are our newest attraction.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome Ms Griffin.”

Clarke let her herself be guided through the sea of tables and the waves of chattering patrons to be seated at a small table next to a window.

“Thank you Monty.” She recalled her waiter’s name.

“My pleasure. What can I offer you to drink?”

He rattled off all alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages and upon choosing the Jerk chicken she ordered half a bottle of white wine with her water. The service was quick, which pleased her immensely, seeing that the restaurant was filling up quickly. The kitchen and service team worked well together, Clarke mused, when her food arrived.

“Wow, that looks amazing.” She exclaimed in surprise. “I would not have thought such creativity is possible on board a ship in the middle of the Atlantic.” She smiled widely and Monty returned the gesture, explaining they had a new chef, who’d come with great ideas and she could expect more awesome dishes over the next days to come. He excused himself and let the blonde enjoy her dinner in silence. The presentation was exceptional. Her chicken was served to look like a burger. However, the buns were made out of two sweet potato rings, where the middle was slightly carved and mango chutney had been placed in the indent. The chicken itself was in boneless pieces, richly marinated and so well grilled it fell apart. The whole construction had been placed on a bed of grilled vegetables and decorated with sprinkles of gravy. Clarke marvelled at the sight. She was not only a food critic, she also loved food in itself, and referred to herself as a food enthusiast. To see someone take pride in their cooking by decorating so creatively let her heart swell. She fished for her mobile to take a couple of shots for reference, before she finally started eating. If the presentation of her dinner was spectacular, the taste was mind-blowing. When Monty came back, she raved to him.

“Wow, this was so good. Compliments to the chef. I’ve seen a lot, but this was exceptional.”

“Would you want me to ask if the chef is available?”

“Yeah sure. Say Clarke Griffin wants to compliment the food.” She said with a wink, knowing if the chef had read any of the recent restaurant reviews in various newspapers, they would have come across her name for sure.

“Ok Ms Griffin. Can I offer you any dessert?”

# ***

Lexa had been busy until the first round of passengers had eaten. After that she could slow down and focus on training her assistants how she wanted the chicken and pork to look like.

“No Jasper, a smaller drop of the chutney. I don’t want the sweetness to kill the barbequed flavour.” She showed him again. “See? That’s plenty.”

“Chef?” A young waiter stepped up to the counter and interrupted her lesson.

“Yes?” Lexa raised an eyebrow and waited for him to explain his interruption.

“A patron wants to tell you how much they had liked the Jerk chicken. Said to tell you the name’s Clarke Griffin.”

Lexa had turned back when Monty had started speaking, but upon hearing the name her head shot back to face the waiter with an intense stare. “What did you say? Clarke Griffin?”

Lexa shook her head and her gaze was lost as she remembered the god-awful day 6 months ago.

She had had a long day. Half of her team had called in sick and she had struggled to be able to serve all the dishes on the menu. She hadn’t been bothered about presentation; had only been focused on serving in a suitable time with perfect flavour and taste. Yes, she had been aware, she was working in a decorated restaurant and she had known her creations hadn’t been up to her usual standard, but she hadn’t been able to change any of that. If that had been the end of it, she would have been able to explain it easily to her boss and the story would have been history. However, it wasn’t the end of it, as a food critic had chosen that exact day to test the restaurant and write an excruciating, devastating review.

Lexa had been called into the office a week after that night and the newspaper ‘Independent’ was open on top of the desk. She was asked to sit down and read out loud the top article in the entertainment section.

 

_Argyroupoli – a restaurant review by Clarke Griffin_

_A restaurant review in a maximum of 15 words to satisfy the curiosity and promote the short attention span: The food in ‘Argyroupoli’ is edible but forgettable and the prices are almost always unwarranted._

_The longer version for those who care:_

_I’d never been to ‘Argyroupoli’, I realized in March and so I stopped by one night. Sadly, if ‘Argyroupoli’ had to survive as a restaurant alone, I doubt they’d last long. To get the bad news over quickly: a Greek platter, with Loukaniko (pork or lamb sausage) and Gyros, was as cold as if it had been carried all the way from Greece. Greek salad, exactly what you want to eat at ‘Argyroupoli’ was hopeless, the onions and cucumber unevenly sliced, soaked in too oily dressing and dumped on a plate with old, pruney olives that might have been picked at Caesar’s time. The Tzatziki was a rough disaster of chopped garlic in a floury yoghurt sauce. That was the worst of it._

_The rest of the food prepared by the chef, Lexa Woods, was classic, non-suspenseful and solidly prepared, like the Kreatopita (pie with lamb, goat or minced pork), the grilled lamb chops with lemon, oregano, salt and pepper or the grilled swordfish. And by non-suspenseful and solid I mean boring and bland. Whilst the preparation of the food itself showed skills like the way the meat had been tied or sewed, or the type of cut used in chopping and slicing meats or vegetables, the presentation or plating showed no creativity or ingenuity at all._

_Chef Woods started cooking 6 years ago, and she'd quickly risen through the ranks to now be executive chef at this renowned restaurant. My personal opinion: “Her reputation should be of a forger rather than an inventor, as she has been reoccurringly praised.”_

_But to judge ‘Argyroupoli’ as a restaurant is to miss what it is most famous for. ‘Argyroupoli’ is at its best when you treat the food as a heavy basis for the liquid topping. Instead of asking, which kind of water you prefer, serving staff at ‘Argyroupoli’ ask you, if they can get you a drink. Take note of the open question and no judgement, if you were to order alcohol. It seemed to me, everybody who worked at ‘Argyroupoli’ behaved like a bartender, and the meal floated along on a stream of alcohol and high spirits. At least that would explain the success of the restaurant._

_It’s not an experience I’d want every night, especially considering the costs of $32 for a gyros or $57 for grilled swordfish. However, I’d give it a try as this was my very first and only visit._

_Feedback? Email at Clarke.griffin@independent.com  or follow on Twitter @cgriff_foodenthusiast_

 

Lexa had tears in her eyes after she had finished reading the article. She had explained how and why this critic had been exposed to such a service and experience. At the end, she had been lucky to be able to keep her job, but it was a close call. This Griffin person had nearly managed to destroy her whole career. She’d made the decision to move on at the exact same night after a few bottles of beer. In order to safe her well-established name, she had needed a change of scene, but also had needed to re-invent herself to clear her name of the shame.

 

Lexa stood up straight and looked at Monty. “I’ll be out in minute.” The waiter nodded, gave her the table number and left her to compose herself, before she too pushed through the swinging doors. She briskly walked up to the table and stopped short upon seeing a young blonde woman sitting there alone. She turned around, wondering if she had mixed up the numbers, when the woman stood up and forced her to look at her.

“Hi. Clarke Griffin.” She said. “Your Jerk chicken? Wow!” She smiled beautifully, but Lexa stared at her in confusion. She had left the kitchen with a clear purpose. To tell this ‘writer’ how awful and unjustified the review had been, and how it had almost destroyed the restaurant and her personally, but all she came up with, when face to face to the stranger, was, “You’re a woman?!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And story number two. Hello again. Thanks to everyone interested in this story for reviewing and subscribing. As you can see I'll update both stories at the same time to not pick favourites. :)
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the newest chapter.

* * *

Clarke furrowed her brows at the unexpected comment. “Um. Excuse me?” She asked in confusion.

The Chef looked thoroughly dumbfounded, opening her mouth a couple of times, but no words would come out.

“Unless you expect me to be a mind reader -” Clarke tried again.

“I didn’t expect you to be a woman.” The Chef interrupted her, hissing the words making it very clear she had trouble articulating due her annoyance.

“Yeah, I figured. Care to elaborate?” Clarke adopted a smile hoping to relax the strained conversation she had found herself in.

“Well.” Lexa composed herself and straightened her back. She breathed slowly in and out one more time, before carefully wording her thoughts. “I never expected a woman to have so little empathy and understanding, and yet so much arrogance and ignorance to judge an unknown situation with so harsh and hurtful and untrue words as you have.” She finally managed with a low gravelly voice.

“I beg your pardon. What on earth are you talking about?” Clarke’s smile fell quickly off her face, and anger about the accusation took over for a short moment, before she schooled her features into her professional mask, having learned how to react to her unwanted criticism.

“My name is Lexa Woods.”

“And that should tell me what exactly?”

“You don’t even remember?”

“Listen, if this is about my job, please contact the newspaper, I’m here on vacation.” Clarke lied and sat back down, lifting her wine glass and downing it in one gulp. She didn’t want to deal with an angry cook, who apparently thought she’d remember all of her hundreds of reviews she had written over the years.

“Right. Ok. Well if you don’t mind, I’ll return to work on my ‘non-suspenseful and solid food preparations’.” Lexa huffed and stalked back to the kitchen. She would never have thought in a million years that **the Clarke Griffin** , sour-worded food critic, was in fact a woman; a breathtakingly beautiful woman. ‘Scratch that thought’, Lexa reprimanded herself. ‘She was a heartless, scrupulous person.’ She thought and nodded to her internal dialogue, when she stormed back through the doors.

 

“What the…” Clarke sat stunned and baffled at her table, eyes still fixed on the kitchen entrance, where the chef had vanished through. She racked her memory, trying hard to remember anything about a Lexa Woods. Just this year she had reviewed more than forty restaurants and hotels. How was she supposed to keep track? She stood up bitterly and left the place. This was not how she envisioned her cruise experience to go.

When she entered her cabin she went directly to her laptop to screen her past articles. After going through her latest work without any success, she decided to search her computer for the chef’s name and finally found something.

“Wow, that’s a long term grudge to hold. Six fucking months.” She puffed her chest and read her own words. She had to agree though. She hadn’t been nice in her criticism, however, Clarke never questioned herself when looking back. She trusted, she had made the experience she had written down was an accurate summary and therefore the review of the service and food and whatever else she had mentioned on the day of her visit was correct. It wasn’t her job to go and interview people to learn the backstory. A customer wouldn’t magically understand, why they are charged to pay for awful food, just because the chef went through a sad phase in life or whatever the reason. ‘This wasn’t how things work. Deliver a spot on performance or be scolded for sloppy work. That was how it worked.’ Clarke thought after reading her review once more.

“Anyway little Ms ‘Wrongly-judged’ has done well for herself in the last 6 months.” Clarke said to herself, when she’d googled Lexa’s name to learn more about her. She scrunched up her nose. “Shouldn’t really complain and if she keeps cooking such good food, she’ll get her excellent ‘Griffin critique’.” Clarke mumbled, standing up and opening a small bottle of wine from her minibar, settling on the little balcony of her cabin.

# ***

After the restaurant had closed and the kitchen had been cleaned, Lexa found herself jogging on the ship’s racetrack. Never in a million years had she thought she would cross paths with the person, who had nearly destroyed her career. She was still fuming when she thought back to her short confrontation with the food critic herself.

“What a pompous ass.” She exclaimed frustratingly and pushed to run even faster. She collapsed shortly afterwards and panted profusely when two women approached her.

“Hi there. Lexa right?” She looked up and recognised one of the brunettes who had showed her to her room.

“Octavia.” She said straightening up and smiled.

“This is Raven, my girlfriend. She’s Head Engineer on board.” She introduced her proudly. “Ray, this is Lexa the new Chef.”

“Oh that’s you?” Raven said surprised. “People have been talking about you. Must be a shooting star in your field. Welcome on board Chef.” She extended her hand in greeting.

“Head Engineer? Must be a shooting star in your field too.” She complimented back, shaking the offered hand with a grin.

“What are you doing out here? You know you can’t escape on a boat no matter how fast you run.” Octavia observed.

“Oh that. Just been haunted by a ghost from my past.” Lexa explained her mad pace from a few moments ago.

“Oh wow. That can be exhausting. Hey, we’re heading to the ‘official tour downtime drink’. Remember me inviting you earlier?” They smiled at her expectantly.

“Oh yes. Well I’d rather shower and rest. It has been a long first day.”

“Aw really?” Raven pouted at her. “You should come. Everyone working on the ship, who’s off for the day, will be there. Best time to make friends.” She explained.

“If you put it like that…” Lexa trailed off, scraping her shoes over the gritted surface of the running track.

“Tell you what? We’ll pick you up in 30 minutes.”

Upon a short approving nod, they walked back the direction they had come from leaving Lexa cursing under her breath for letting herself be persuaded to join the party.

# ***

It was shortly before midnight, when Clarke returned from her balcony with the empty wine bottle and a bored expression.

“What do people do at night on a ship?” She wondered out loud looking at the map hanging on the back of her cabin door. “Club20?” She read off the paper and smiled. “Sounds like I need to explore this one.”

She changed into a tight short dress and put on her heels, before quickly applying some light makeup to accentuate her natural beauty. When she was happy with her appearance she left and ventured to the club. It didn’t take her long to find her way. Music wafted through the deck the club was located on, summoning her closer and closer. When she entered the cool ‘South Beach’ style nightclub her eyes went wide upon seeing Go-Go dancers and living statues on stages and pedestals. She did not expect this on a family cruise and it surprised her positively. ‘Fun for everyone indeed’, she mused and entered the club further, squeezing past other patrons, who were dancing along to the music, to reach the bar. She ordered her drink and sat down to observe the venue which was decorated with billowing sheers of fabric from floor to ceiling, lots of rainbow coloured spotlights, and an amazing DJ transforming people into a single moving mass. Clarke nodded in approval, mentally taking notes to add to her journal, when the door opened again, and three beautiful women entered the club.

# ***

What the hell was she supposed to wear to a party on a ship?

Lexa stood in front of her wardrobe after her shower in simple black underwear and rummaged through her choices. She finally settled on formfitting pants and a button down shirt rolling up her sleeves over her elbows. She picked her favourite long chain and draped it around her neck before adjusting her still wet hair into small braids, leaving the majority of it loose to dry. She applied her strong eye makeup knowing it would give her a little more confidence and was ready by the time she heard the knock. She slipped on her comfy sneakers and opened the door.

“Woah.” Raven exclaimed and earned a smack on her arm. “I mean. Hello.” She tried again, grinning wittily at Octavia.

“I’m right here.” The small brunette exclaimed, but turned to face Lexa as well. “You do look hot though.” She confirmed Raven’s sentiment.

“Thanks ladies.” Lexa had blushed at the attention she had earned. “You guys look great too.”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

When they entered the bar, Lexa let her eyes wander to the Go-Go dancers on various stages, moved on to the long drapes fluttering in an artificial breeze and finally rested for a short moment on the wriggling pack of party goers. “Wow.” She breathed out audibly, when she sat down at the bar to order herself a drink.

“Yeah, you can say that again.” A low chuckle accompanied the statement and Lexa quickly glanced to the source of the raspy voice. Her eyes went as big as saucers when she realised to whom the tantalising sound belonged. She averted her gaze immediately, cursing under her breath for swooning over the ‘fucking bluest eyes she had ever seen’ and finally cleared her throat. “Are you stalking me now?”

“Well...” Clarke smiled sweetly. “I was here first. Looks like…” She let her eyes roam over the fit body of the Chef, making her successfully squirm under her attentiveness, before stopping her exploration at the brunette’s face. “you’re the one, who’s stalking me.”

“You are impossible.” Lexa growled out. “How dare you.”

“Relax Ms Woods. I’m not here to judge you.” Clarke winked at the double meaning of her words. She didn’t intend to rile up the other woman, but she made it so easy. “Can I invite you for a drink?” She asked innocently. “Consider it a peace offering?”

“I do not wish to drink with a cynical, cold hearted woman.” Lexa hissed back.

“Ok.” The smile finally dropped and Clarke adopted a serious expression almost glaring at the brunette, who was standing now, ready to leave. “You want me to be an asshole? I’ll give you an asshole. My article was accurate for the day of my visit. If you can’t offer proper, top notch, star worthy products, close the damn business, but stop whining about unfair or incorrect or non-empathic words.” She stood up as well. “And for the record, I’m neither cynical nor cold-hearted. Judging restaurants and their food is what I’m paid for.” With that she brushed past the angry brunette and stormed out of the club.

Lexa followed her with her eyes until she left the premises and sank down onto the bar stool once more. The blonde’s words echoed in her head, and left her mulling over the actual article. She couldn’t quite believe her train of thought, but the blonde had been right about closing the restaurant, when she had realised she wasn’t going to be able to deliver their usual quality. Not that would have been her decision to make anyway. Besides, Lexa had read the blonde’s reviews before and after her own and had still thought her choice of words were too harsh and the critique too personal. She sighed and signalled for the female bartender.

“Hi there. What’s your poison of the night?” She was asked with a soft smile.

“Just a plain whiskey on the rocks please.”

“Coming right up.” The woman slid to the other side of her bar to fix the drink and materialised a few moments later in front of Lexa. “There you go, gorgeous.”

“Um, thanks.” She smiled at the flirtatious words and took a tiny sip. “Good one.”

“I would say so. Only high quality stuff here.” They exchanged a smile and the woman moved off to another patron leaving Lexa alone with her nagging thoughts. The majority of the past six months had been spent in hatred and anger for this Clarke Griffin person. Thinking back ten minutes ago, it had felt great to finally say what she had thought about the critic, but as soon as she’d seen the hurt in those beautiful eyes and heard the words spoken with that raspy voice, she wondered, if maybe she should overthink her stance on the matter. Lexa was deeply in thought, absentmindedly finishing her drink, when a fresh glass with her chosen poison appeared in front of her.

“I’m Costia. By the way.” The bartender offered.

“Hi Costia.” Lexa smiled warmly at the other woman. “Lexa.”

“Nice to meet you Lexa. Your first cruise?”

“Yeah. Just started working here today actually.”

“You work here? Oh my.” Costia smiled widely and straightened up. “Well, in that case…” She trailed off and let her gaze wander over Lexa. “I’m done in 2 hours. Fancy a personal tour of the boat?”

Lexa laughed heartedly at the eager woman. “Oh that’s really a kind offer, but I already had a tour of the boat today. I’m always happy to make a new friend however.”

“Ok. I settle for friend then.” Costia winked and added in a low whisper. “For now.”

Lexa only smiled and shook her head in disbelief.

# ***

Clarke couldn’t calm down. She was so mad at this Lexa Woods. How dare she call her cold-hearted? She was always proud to be able to distance herself enough, to only focus on the given food or dish and evaluate nothing but the service. Some of her colleagues included the treatment of other patrons in their reviews as well, but Clarke stuck to her opinion of only judging her own first hand experiences.

“Cold-hearted. Pff!” She stepped up to the railing and lowered her upper body down to rest her arms on the cold metal bars. The night was extremely clear and on the ocean between the Caribbean Islands there was no air pollution either. She let her gaze travel freely, roaming the vast expanse of the sky; darkened by the night but illuminated by a million stars. She couldn’t identify any constellations, apart from Orion, but she enjoyed the tiny flecks of energy twinkling and shining on the black canvas.

“It’s beautiful.” A calm voice stated behind her. She slowly looked over her shoulder to see a young brunette approaching her. Clarke smiled and started to nod.

“Yes, it is.” She confirmed and turned back.

“Your first cruise?”

“Yes.”

“Hope you like it. I’m Octavia. I’m one of the fitness instructors here on board.” She said and lifted her hand in greeting. “In case you get bored with the beautiful landscapes or the day trips, you could always check out the gym, in case you’re missing your home workout.”

“I’m good. Thanks though.” She replied and almost as an afterthought she added, “I’m Clarke.”

Octavia had walked up to the balcony and leaned with her hip against the banister. “Are you ok?” She asked in concern.

Clarke looked at her in surprise. “Yes. Why do you ask?”

“Saw you storming out of the club. You looked very upset.”

“Oh.” Clarke furrowed her brow in confusion.

“Don’t worry. I’m not hitting on you. It’s not allowed, but…” She smiled warmly. “I also have a girlfriend. However, it’s my job to make sure our passengers are happy.”

“Ok.” Clarke breathed out with a smile. “I wasn’t thinking you were hitting on me.”

“You wanna talk about it?”

“Not really something to talk about. Apparently I’d written an article about your Chef and it’s safe to assume she’s pissed.”

“You’re a food critic?”

“Journalist who judges restaurants.” Clarke corrected. “I’d love to write other things, but I’m good at it and my bosses won’t let me go.”

“So… bad critique for our super star?”

“It wasn’t the best day I guess.” Clarke shrugged it off, wondering why she was talking about it at all, when the door to the club opened again and another brunette exited and headed straight over to them.  “O? You ok?” She touched the shoulder of the addressed woman softly and turned towards her.

“Yes of course. This is Clarke.” She introduced them and the woman eyed the blonde suspiciously.

“I don’t know anyone with that name working on the ship.” She stated matter-of-factly.

“You know all your colleagues? I highly doubt that.” Clarke laughed.

“I’m a certified genius and you’re not one of our colleagues.” She turned back to her girlfriend with a questioning look.

“Relax babe, Clarke is a passenger. I saw her leaving rather upset and wanted to make sure she was ok.”

“You’re the girlfriend?” Clarke smiled genuinely.

“Yeah.” Raven mumbled and placed her arm around Octavia’s waist. “So, what’s cooking?”

“Funny you wording it like that. Apparently, our newest addition, Lexa, is mad about an article, Clarke here had written about her.” She said, as if they’d known each other for longer than five minutes.

Clarke felt weird about the fact, that it didn’t feel weird talking to them. She’d never met anyone in her life, she’d felt at ease with so quickly.

Upon Raven’s questioning look, Clarke lifted her hands in a reassuring manor. “No, really. I don’t want it to be an issue. It’s nothing. It’s my job and I can handle the anger.” She explained. “Guess I just hadn’t expected to be confronted when on vacation, that’s all.” She shrugged again, trying to play it down.

“Understandably. Well she only started working here today, so we don’t really know her.” Octavia offered. “Anyway, since this is your first cruise, are you going to enjoy any shore excursions?” She changed the subject and Clarke smiled thankfully.

“I’ve been booked for all of them.”

“Wow, you’ll be busy then.”

“Well Clarke, if you get bored with the families or old couples -”

“There’s always your gym. I get it.” She interrupted with a smile.

“I meant to say, come looking for us. Raven has a normal nine to five job and I’m off latest at eight after the last yoga class each night.”

“Thanks.” She mumbled appreciatively, wondering for a second, if the two felt the same way about her that she felt about them. “Guess I will take you up on the offer. Are you allowed to eat with passengers?”

“Sadly not, but we can meet at the club?”

“Is it open every night?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool. Thanks… Octavia right?” The addressed nodded with a smile. “And Raven.” Clarke had turned to the other woman, who nodded as well. “Was really good talking to you.” Clarke turned towards the staircase. “I’ll head to bed now though.”

“Was nice too. Have a good day tomorrow.” They waved and smiled and returned back to the club, whilst Clarke climbed the stairs to her deck.

# ***

The next morning came quicker than she thought and she cursed the world and everyone in it for her tight schedule. Clarke had to remind herself constantly that she wasn’t on vacation, but had to write about her experiences. Once she had returned from her short excursion to the ships Nightclub, she had sat down and had quickly dabbled down some impressions she had had from the club. Her run-in with the chef had obviously soured the first day, but Clarke wouldn’t let the woman get to her and destroy the short time she had on the luxurious trip. With her newly established motivation to focus on her job, Clarke had gotten dressed and had gone to get breakfast, before she getting ready for her trip. She had observed the docking earlier in the morning. Clarke had been awestruck at the preciseness of the movements it had taken to anchor the cruise ship. They had arrived at eight in the morning in Charlotte Amalie, St. Thomas. The excursion would start at 9:30, so Clarke was eager to get some food and more necessarily coffee into her system, before leaving. The brochure for the trip advertised St. Thomas as having a famous shopping district, a fascinating history and natural scenery. They invited the visitor to explore the island's diverse heritage in Charlotte Amalie, or suggested splashing your way around at vibrant reefs or gorgeous beaches. Clarke had never been to the place and looked forward to seeing it. After checking out for the day, she slowly walked down the gangway and adjusted her sunglasses. She was taking her time, observing the little island from her vantage point, when someone behind her cleared her throat in annoyance. She hadn’t been aware she was blocking anyone’s way and turned in surprise to face whoever had been held back by her. Soon enough she found herself face to face with Lexa.

“You again?” The brunette growled, clearly irritated.

“Um, you should check your staff hand book for the appropriate behaviour you should demonstrate towards passengers. This is not the right way.” Clarke answered, just as aggravated.

“Well, don’t saunter down the gangway as if no one in this world has a job to do.”

“Just ask to pass, my god.” Clarke hissed and stepped as close to the railing as possible. Lexa looked at her for a moment, before lowering her gaze again and pressing past the blonde. “A thank you wouldn’t hurt either.” She heard behind her and turned back. “Thank you.” And with that she quickly ran down the rest of the way and over to a truck, which had parked up next to the loading entrance of the ship. Clarke watched her shaking hands with the driver and accepting a clipboard. She observed her reading over the papers and nodding to something the driver explained. After a few moments, Clarke started walking again, but didn’t take her eyes off of the brunette. Something in her energy and excitement caught the blonde’s interest. By the time she had stepped off the ship, Clarke was ushered to a waiting bus. She entered and sighed upon seeing it already full with families. She just hoped they would be getting off at the beach, so she could enjoy a calm day exploring the small town of Charlotte Amalie and what it had to offer. She settled in the back and leaned against the window. She could see the offloading of the truck with Lexa jumping between packages, opening them, looking at the contents and nodding in approval with a big beautiful smile on her face. ‘Wow’, Clarke thought. ‘Who would have thought, the grumpy cook has such a gorgeous smile in her repertoire?’ She further mused and couldn’t stop herself from smiling too. Before getting too absorbed in the antics of the woman at the dock, the bus closed its doors and drove off.

# ***

After she had managed to piss off the journalist again, Lexa had scolded herself all the way down the gangway. She had been stupid. All it had needed would have been a kind request to be let through, but she hadn’t been able to take her mind off the delivery of the ordered groceries. She was worried the quality wasn’t good enough or that half of her order would have gone missing. Her mind had been anywhere but on the path, when she was hindered from getting down. She huffed and puffed and by the time she had realised, who her anger catalyst was, it had been too late. At least she had managed to thank her.

Lexa stopped dwelling on it, as soon as she approached the truck with her groceries. She quickly exchanged pleasantries with the driver and started scanning the packing list offered by the company. She was relieved to see all her orders on the sheet with nothing missing. By the time the truck had opened up and the unloading process had started, she was running between the parcels to check on her fruit and fish and fresh herbs. It smelled like heaven and after a while Lexa let herself relax. She smiled at the scents filling her nose. She would be able to create some incredible dishes with the stuff in front of her.

She had almost forgotten her incident with the blonde, but after finalising the transport into the depth of the ship, she straightened and let her gaze wander over the dock. The busses to pick up the passengers were gone. Despite her deep rooted anger for the journalist, she hadn’t forgotten one thing since meeting her. Clarke Griffin had praised her food. The hated critic had said wonderful things about the dinner the previous day. ‘Maybe…’ Lexa started to think but was interrupted by someone stepping up to her.

“Hi there Lexa.”

She blinked a few times to adjust her vision and recognised the bartender from last night. “Costia? You’re up early for your line of business.”

“I didn’t know you’re the Chef.” She said and it sounded half accusatory and half impressed.

“I wasn’t aware I had to add that to my name.” Lexa answered surprised.

“Don’t be silly, but you should mention it. It’s not everyday we have an almost celebrity on board cooking for us mortals.” Costia smiled warmly at her.

“Oh.” Lexa let out, blushing at the compliment. “I’m hardly a celebrity.”

“I said ‘almost’, gorgeous.”

“Right.”

“What are your plans for the day. Please don’t say hiding in the kitchen.”

“Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m paid to be in the kitchen cooking.”

“That’s sad. I had hoped you had some time to come swimming.”

“Sorry.” Lexa brushed past her, but found delicate fingers stopping her from leaving. The hand around her wrist loosened its soft grip and long fingers danced up Lexa’s arm. “Let me know when you change your mind.” With that the bartender turned and walked off to a row of taxis waiting at the border of the harbour area. Once she was further away Lexa looked down her arm at her hand and opened her fist to reveal a piece of paper. She unfolded it and sighed.

 

**_I’d love to get to know you. 398 772 95 68_ **

**_Costia_ **

 

She had zero interest in anything remotely intimate at the moment. She had just started her new position and was still within the probation time of three months. She didn’t want to risk her job by hooking up with a colleague. It wouldn’t look good on her resume, Lexa was sure. She sighed again and crumpled the paper into her pants pocket. She would have to deal with it later, now was not the time for drama. Now was the time for magic. She smiled and quickly ran off to her kitchen.

# ***

Clarke had a wonderful time. As predicted the families got off at the beaches, leaving only a handful of older couples and her to explore the island. They had been taken to the centre of the town, given instructions on were to find things and when to meet again, and with that the bus had departed.

Clarke walked off alone. She was used to being on her own. It didn’t bother her. An elderly woman had followed her and by the time Clarke exited the third knick-knack store she stopped and turned to the woman.

“I don’t want to be rude, but why are you following me?” She asked.

“Oh I’m so sorry dear. You reminded me of my granddaughter. Emily wanted to come with me on this trip, but she caught an ugly bug and couldn’t make it.”

“I’m sorry for Emily. I hope she’ll be ok.”

“Well, looks like she’s keeping the ugly bug for a while.”

Upon Clarke’s confused raise of eyebrows, the old lady smiled wickedly and whispered. “The ugly bug’s name is Drake Carson, a 20 something wannabe.”

“Wait. Are you telling me your granddaughter stood you up for her boyfriend?” Clarke asked in utter disbelief.

“That’s exactly what happened. Met him two days before the trip and told me she couldn’t come anymore.” She said, but the sombre expression was quickly replaced with a cheerful smile. “Do you mind me tagging along with you dear?”

“I’m really sorry.” Clarke couldn’t suppress the laughter anymore. “My name is Clarke and it’s my pleasure.” She said after a moment, offering her hand in greeting.

“Elizabeth, but everyone calls me Betty. Thank you Clarke.” Her eyes twinkled mischievously. “I have the feeling we’ll be having fun.”

And Betty had been right. By the time they had had to be back at the market place to catch the bus back to the ship, they had explored the island as best as they could without once stopping talking. The older woman had a life full of stories and Clarke had been eager to listen to her. They enjoyed each other’s company to the fullest and sat next to each other on the bus.

“Betty, I had a blast today. Thanks for stalking me.” Clarke said in amusement.

“You are a blessing to be around Clarke. Such an interesting young woman.”

“Thank you. I find you quite entertaining yourself. Say, do you have someone to share your dinner with?”

“No.”

“Well, Betty. What do think about you and I getting a good bottle of whatever and hijacking the dinner hall?”

“Sounds like one of my own ideas.”

By the time they had reached the ship both were happily exhausted and bid their farewell for the time being. They agreed on meeting up again for the late dinner round so Betty could have a nap.

Half an hour later, Clarke lounged in a beach chair, next to the swimming pool, and enjoyed a cold beer. She had been in the pool to cool down from the day and relaxed now watching people around her enjoying themselves. She let her gaze roam over couples and kids and stopped surprised when she saw Lexa at the bottom of some stairs, talking to another woman. She was wearing loose fitting running shorts and a tight tank top. She looked tense but smiled politely. A wave of sympathy washed over the blonde, when Lexa’s gaze fell onto her and she could see the tiredness radiating off of her. Being responsible for all the people’s nourishment must be exhausting. Upon Lexa’s frown, she raised an eyebrow and challenged her. It only took a second for the Chef to avert her gaze back to the other woman, who had put her hand on Lexa’s arm. They exchanged a few more words and then Lexa quickly jumped down the stairwell, two steps at a time and out of Clarke’s view.

Clarke felt torn between being annoyed or enamoured by the cook. Their interactions clearly lacked any hospitality, but the sight of the woman left her breathless.

# ***

Lexa had used the little time between finishing the food preparations for the night and the start of dinner-time to go to the gym. She felt exhausted by her work out and tired due to the late night. On her way downstairs she stumbled into Costia.

“Hi. Wow look at you. All fit and sweaty.” She flirted openly.

“Hey. How was your day?” Lexa asked, letting her gaze quickly wander over the pool, before her heart did a little jump when she spotted the blonde antichrist relaxing in a tiny bikini on one of the beach chairs. She quickly looked back to Costia, trying in vain to follow the conversation.

“When are you off tonight?”

“Um, no idea. Depends when we’re done cleaning the kitchen. How long will you be busy?” She asked, her mind already travelling back to the blonde, who looked straight at her the moment she let her gaze follow her train of thought. ‘Shit!’ Lexa thought and frowned. ‘Is she raising her eyebrows? Oh yeah she is. Shit, shit, shit!’ She looked back at the brunette when she felt fingers on her arm. “Oh sorry. Spaced out for a second. What were you saying?”

“My shift ends 2 in the morning. Wanna pick me up afterwards?”

“That’s too late. I’ve got work in the morning. Sorry.” She apologised and left the deck as quickly as possible, trying to outrun the image of a sparsely clad food critic with a gorgeous face and an absolutely breathtakingly spectacular body.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright... what do you think of this one now? More interesting now? The phone number is fake (at least I'd hope so), please don't try calling the poor person.
> 
> In regards of updates, I won't be able to do them regularly. I'm sorry, but I promise I will update as quickly as possible.
> 
> Cheers and thanks.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there and welcome back on board. Enjoy.

Lexa silently cursed for the millionth time for stumbling across the blonde. It had been two hours since she had seen her at the pool and she still couldn’t get the image out of her head. ‘Why the hell does she have to be there… in that scandalous outfit… with that raised eyebrow…’

“Fuck!” She muttered and dropped the knife onto the cutting board.

“You ok there Chef?” Jasper turned from his station towards her with a concerned look.

“Yeah yeah. Go back to your work.” Lexa dismissed him weakly.

“Well, if you need to talk or something?” He offered under his breath whilst returning to his task at hand. Lexa looked at him, considering his words, but in the end she only smiled.

“Thanks Jasper. Kind of you, but I’m good.”

She did a full circle to see who was working at the moment and sighed when everyone was busy. She had to finish cutting the vegetables. She needed to start to not involve herself in the preparation work schedule. She cursed again under her breath and picked up the knife once more. “Fucking fuck.” She mumbled, but proceeded to cut precise pieces nevertheless.

# ***

Clarke had returned to her cabin to shower and change for the evening. She was about to meet up with her new friend Betty whom she had met on her day trip. She was an odd little lady, but kind at heart and Clarke enjoyed their conversations. The journalist had always been fond of listening to older people’s life stories. She found it fascinating and at times even inspiring. Betty was such a stimulating soul. She had raised her three kids on her own after her husband decided to just not come home one day. She had never remarried but wasn’t exactly a sad creature when it came to love. From what Clarke had gathered throughout her day with the older woman, she must have had quite an overwhelming number of lovers. How this conversation had cropped up, remained unknown to Clarke, but over a whiskey spiked coffee Betty had told her about Louise and Katherine and Samantha. In return, Clarke had offered her tragic little piece about her and Niylah. They had shared a knowing smile and had continued to stroll down the pier, when Betty had stopped them, had turned Clarke towards her and had whispered “Life unfolds itself in mysterious ways. It’s always so surprising.” She’d smirked and winked as if she had been aware of something Clarke hadn’t been privy to. The blonde had looked at her friend for a long second, before equally quietly answering “Well I’m useless when it comes to life.” Betty’s smile had vanished almost immediately and she’d scolded Clarke for being so pessimistic. She had shrugged it off. “You’re right Betty. I’m sorry. I guess I’m not completely useless. You can use me as a bad example.” Clarke had laughed and Betty had swatted her off and demanded a change of thinking.

Clarke shook herself out of her daydreaming and finished applying her makeup. She had left her hair loose. It had already adapted the unique, vacation only type of blonde waviness she was never able to recreate once back home. Must be the sun and the chloric water of pools, Clarke mused and stepped out of her cabin to walk up to the restaurant.

“You look beautiful Clarke.”

“Thank you Betty. You look pretty too.”

They entered the dinner hall, and Betty happily slung her arm through the offered crook of the blonde’s own, when they sauntered down the main isle. They were quite a vision in their respective eveningwear and some people even stopped talking to gaze at them. One set of eyes though was more surprised than anyone’s at the display in front of her. Her stare followed the unlikely couple to their table, before excusing herself and stepping back into the kitchen. She had a busy night ahead of her and couldn’t take time to ponder the possible humanity and warmth of a certain light haired devil, who appeared to be having dinner with an older woman. One, Lexa had seen, had sat alone at her table for the last two days.

“Ok guys. Round two has officially started. Let’s get the guests fed.” She yelled out and clapped her hands to motivate her kitchen crew for the second wave.

# ***

Their dinner had been exceptional, and Clarke had pointed out how skilful and creative and passionate the ensemble had been. They had shared a bottle of wine when Betty had decided to dive into a more sombre conversation. “So Clarke, tell me. How did you end up being a food critic, when your real passion is art?”

“Well, first of all I’d like to think of myself as a journalist.” She answered mildly morose. “I just happen to write restaurant reviews at the moment.”

Betty smiled and continued. “Why don’t you like being called a food critic?”

“It’s limiting what I’m capable of. I don’t like to be reduced to just that.”

“What else do you have to offer?”

“Plenty of things!” She answered a little petulantly.

“Such as?” The older lady probed with a smile.

“Betty, I’m not a published author if that’s what you want to hear. I’ve written for various newspapers, I have a blog and I’m once in a while recruited to write other things than restaurant reviews.”

“But?”

“There’s no but.”

“There’s always a but.” The older woman smiled at the waiter who refilled their glasses, and returned her intense gaze back to her dinner companion.

“I…” Clarke trailed off when she spotted the now almost familiar form of the cruise chef leaving the kitchen. Betty followed her line of sight and smiled, before nudging Clarke to continue her sentence.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” The blonde finished with a defeated smile.

“I know darling. Why didn’t you pursue art?” She changed the subject, smiling warmly at the younger woman, who had a pensive look on her face before she schooled them back into an indifferent expression. “Betty, no offense, but can we talk about something else?”

“Sure, what’s the deal between you and the brunette over there?”

“The de… What?” Clarke finally focused her full attention back onto her dinner partner. “There’s no deal here.”

“I beg to differ.”

“No really Betty. No deal.”

Clarke protested a few more moments, getting more and more flustered until she finally broke out in laughter. “You are unbelievable. Do you always let people dig their own graves?”

“Well, silence makes people talk …” She trailed off with a crooked smile.

Clarke shook her head and finished her wine. “There’s nothing.”

Betty lifted her glass at the same time and observed the blonde chancing another glance into the general direction of the kitchen. “There’s always something my dear.” She said quietly and emptied her glass as well. “Now Clarke. Thank you so much. I had a lovely evening with you and I apologise if I've crossed some lines.”

“It was my pleasure Betty really, and you didn't. I'm just not as good at talking about myself.” Clarke smiled warmly and put her palm over weathered hands, interlaced with each other, over the tablecloth.

“You’re a good soul.” Betty smiled. “You want to meet again tomorrow?” Hopeful eyes scanned the younger woman’s face. “I promise no prodding.” She held up her hands, palms facing the blonde. Clarke laughed and answered with a sincere smile “Of course.”

“I’m looking forward to it. It’s Antigua. I’ve heard beautiful stories about it with as many beaches as days a year and lush undisturbed nature.” The older woman babbled excitingly.

“Yes me too. Do you want me to escort you to your cabin?”

“No my dear. Have a drink at the club. Go dancing. I’m ok.”

“Maybe.” She thought of Octavia and Raven and wondered if they were there tonight.

“Well whatever you end up doing, have a nice night my dear.”

“Rest well Betty.”

They stood up and Clarke leaned forward to press a small kiss on the older woman’s cheek, who smiled brightly, before waving goodbye and walking off. Clarke sat down for another moment, reminiscing about the conversation and old memories Betty’s questions had brought up. She hadn’t not pursued art. She had tried, but had failed. No one had been interested in her paintings, but her invoices had had to be paid anyway. She had hit rock bottom a year after finishing her art degree, had lived on the street for a few days before crawling back to her mother, who had made her study ‘something valuable’. She had always been interested in journalism, and so Clarke found enjoying her second round of college. Now she had a BA in Art History and a BS in Communication, but she still had the feeling of having achieved nothing in her 30 years of life. Nothing to show; nothing to prove her worth. Betty had been lovely, but her interrogation had hit a nerve deep within Clarke’s fragile self-esteem and the slightest inclination of dancing had been killed to its core. She emptied the wine bottle into her glass and turned her face to look out of the window into the blackness of the night.

# ***

 

When Lexa had finished her part of the night, she had stepped out of her kitchen again, and had let her gaze wander over the few patrons left. Her eyes fell almost instinctively onto the puzzling couple she had been wondering about all night.

For someone so ruthless and cold, she almost found herself completely thrown off-guard witnessing a selfless and warm version of the same woman. She had made the older lady laugh and had been invested fully in their conversation. She seemed interested and engaged and completely different to what Lexa had thought about her. This made her even madder at the blonde. How dare she be anything other than expected? How dare she be interesting?

“Wait. What?” Lexa whispered to herself, sweeping her eyes over the hall, checking if someone had been aware of her words, but almost immediately let her gaze flitter back to realise the blonde was alone now, and her facial expression was somewhat distanced and sullen. Before Lexa could do anything really stupid she turned and finally locked the kitchen doors, signalling the waiters to finish up as well. The last guests were kindly asked to leave, and she watched Monty grinning at something the journalist had said. Clarke stood up and smiled too, but when her eyes met green once across the room, the smile vanished and the beautiful face turned away. Lexa scolded herself internally for feeling saddened by the action, and couldn’t stop wondering about the mystery in front of her. ‘Who are you Clarke Griffin?’

# ***

The next day came way too early for Clarke and she groaned at her mobile blaring ‘Kill Everybody’ at her. She needed to change her alarm tone she mused, but stood up nevertheless. She had a busy day again, and she kept repeating like mantra “You’re only here because of work.” It made it slightly easier to get up and going, when all her body wanted was years of sleep and tons of alcohol.

She had been in a rather bad mood after Betty had left. Clarke had had a difficult time falling asleep after her trip down memory lane. She had thought about all her stupid little dreams she had had and how none of them had come true. With 30 she had thought she would be living in a nice house, with a nice garden and a nice dog. She’d thought she would have been married. The thought of marriage brought back memories of Niylah and their caring, soothing, loving relationship. She had been a wonderful partner, whom she had cared for deeply. They had separated when Niylah had had to move to the other side of the country to take over the store of her father. Clarke hadn’t been able to follow, because she had just accepted the job at the newspaper. They both had known that their love wouldn’t survive a long distance relationship. She still missed her though. She missed the warmth and intimacy. She missed knowing she wasn’t alone. Clarke had sighed for the millionth time and had closed her eyes, and an intense pair of green eyes had invaded her tired senses and had bored into her sleepy mind. Her last conscious thought had been one of Betty's questions. ‘What's the deal between you and the brunette?’ She had no idea.

 

“Clarke? How are you my dear?”

She hadn’t realised, she’d left her room and had walked all the way up to the dining hall, which had been converted to offer breakfast. Betty had spotted her as soon as she had walked through the door. “I secured us a table at the window again.”

“Good morning Betty.” Clarke managed, shaking her troublesome thoughts off. “I’m fine thank you. How are you?” She sat down and ordered a coffee to start the day.

This was their usual routine since they had met on the second day. They would meet up in the morning and share breakfast, get ready for their day trip to another exceptionally beautiful Caribbean Island and finish the day with dinner. It was a nice pattern, which allowed Clarke time to actually make progress on her work. She had to deliver her review shortly after returning from the trip. The last few days she’d been to Antigua, St. Lucia and Barbados. She’d enjoyed white sandy beaches, had explored banana valleys and rainforests and learned 400 years of history. All in all, she’d been mentally and physically occupied with stunning places. In the evenings she had been indulged with incredible food. The more various dinners she’d enjoyed the clearer it had become how exceptionally unfortunate her timing had been to pick Lexa’s restaurant the evening she’d visited.

A sudden sense of sadness took over and she sighed. Clarke leaned against the railing, watching the never-ending expanse of the ocean spread out to the horizon. They had a day at sea, a so called ‘cruising day’ and she had had participated in more stupid games within the last 3 hours than ever before. She had started to hate her life more than ever. She was in a paradise, paid to see everything this gigantic ship had to offer, but all she did was wonder about ‘if’s’ and ‘maybe’s’ and the wellbeing of a brunette she hadn’t seen at all. Clarke had concluded that either Lexa was either extremely busy, which, considering all the incredible food offered on board almost all day long, was most likely the reason or the cook was actively avoiding her. “You’re pathetic.” She whispered to herself shaking her head to emphasize her words. She had to get whatever effect the brunette had on her out of her system and that as quickly as possible. “Get your shit together Griffin.” She added after a moment and decided she needed a good workout right about now or else she’d go nuts.

She arrived at the gym half an hour later, stepping into the bright, airy room with a confident smile.

“Hello there.” Octavia greeted her immediately. “You haven’t been back to the bar. How are you? Enjoying the cruise, I hope?”

“I am. It’s an incredible place to be.” Clarke returned the smile and added for clarification, “the ship and the Caribbean Islands”.

“Been here often, but I still find it beautiful.” Octavia agreed and Clarke walked towards an unoccupied treadmill. “Do I have to sign anywhere that I’m healthy or do I just use it?”

“You’re very fit looking, I assume, you’ll be alright.” Octavia threw over her shoulder, retrieving a towel from the rack a few feet away, leaving Clarke to blush upon the compliment. She returned with a smirk, offering the cloth with a wink.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.” She added for good measure.

Clarke finally laughed and shook her head. “Thanks, I guess.”

“So, there’s a ‘cruising day party’ tonight at the Club Twenty. You going?”

“What’s special about it?” Clarke clipped the emergency string onto her loose shirt and started the program.

“Nothing really, it’s just a party to take minds off being miles out on the ocean with no land in sight for hours.”

“Wow, you make me feel so safe.” Clarke laughed. “I might show up then.”

“Cool. Be awesome. Raven and I will be there. Come look for us, if you want some company.”

“Sure thanks Octavia.”

The trainer left her to her own devices. Clarke finished an hour later, drenched in sweat but ultimately feeling much better. Any confusing thoughts about the cook had been pushed back on her list of things to think about. “I’m off. See you later.” She called out to Octavia, who had joined her halfway through her run and they had shared some more personal information. She had the feeling she could be great friends with this woman. Octavia sent her a wave and a thumbs up, before walking behind the counter to towel herself off.

# ***

“So Clarke. What have you been up to today? I had an incredibly lazy day at the pool side watching the kids club. You know, they are so creative with the children. It was so nice to see.” Betty leaned forward in her chair eyeing her blonde companion over the wine glass.

“Oh, nothing much. I was forced to participate in a couple of games myself. I don’t really know what people like about charades and trivial pursuits.”

“It’s probably just to amuse them? I take it you didn’t feel entertained?”

“Not really.” Clarke smiled, but it froze on her face, when she spotted Lexa leaving the kitchen. She followed her with her eyes and saw a couple of guests stopping her and no doubt complimenting the food. ‘Hell, even she would be complimenting her if Lexa wasn’t so adamant on hating her opinion.’

“My dear, are you alright?” Betty interrupted her musing the moment Lexa’s gaze fell onto Clarke and a smug smile appeared on the cook’s face, before she walked back into the kitchen. Clarke quickly turned back and nodded to the older woman. “Yes, I am. So, after watching the kids did you do anything else?” Betty watched her a moment longer, before answering. “Well, I have been in the pool, but it felt weird to be in water on water. I had a superb lunch though. Do you think it’s the same cook who is responsible for the evening food?”

“Um, I don’t know.” Clarke blinked a few times and furrowed her brows. ‘Is Lexa responsible for all courses all day long?’

“I see. Well why don’t we ask?” She said and Clarke’s eyes widened at the insinuation of the question. Before she could change Betty’s mind, the older woman had flanked down Monty.

“Hello son, I was wondering if you could ask the talented cook to stop by our table? I’d like to ask something.”

“Sure Ma’am. Right away.” Monty smiled and quickly walked over to the kitchen.

“Betty? What are you doing?” Clarke hissed, panicking slightly.

“What do you mean?” She answered calmly, sipping her wine. Clarke looked over to the kitchen, when the door opened and Monty walked out with Lexa, pointing in her direction.

“Well you know… the brunette from the other day?” Betty smiled but didn’t react, so Clarke pressed on. “She’s **the** cook.” She said when Lexa was only a few feet away.

“Oh, I know darling.” Betty replied and turned towards the chef. “Hello my dear. I wanted to tell you how incredibly good your food is. I have been thoroughly enjoying each dinner so far.”

Lexa eyed Clarke suspiciously, but the blonde avoided her gaze and stared into her wine glass. She turned to the other woman and smiled sincerely. “Well, thank you so much for saying that. I do want you to immerse in the variety of what Caribbean food has to offer.”

“And you do it so well. Tell me darling are you responsible for all the food preparations on board?”

“I am to a degree.” Lexa relaxed and uncrossed her arms. “All kitchen teams sit down in the morning and I brief them on the daily menu. As you might have experienced, we have a standard menu for breakfast, lunch and dinner and only two to three dishes which vary on a daily basis.” The cook explained, completely focused on her conversational partner.

“And you’re the one who creates all those specials?” Betty asked in awe and Clarke turned towards the brunette, interested in the answer as well.

“I do.” Lexa replied, and to Clarke’s utter surprise, paired her proud statement with a bashful smile and the blonde wondered if the cook could be any more beautiful if she tried.

“That’s impressive. Isn’t it Clarke? Don’t you want to say something as well? I mean, you are a professional connoisseur, aren’t you?” Clarke blushed and looked from Betty to Lexa, who had turned to her for the first time, since approaching the table, and back to Betty, before clearing her throat. “I’ve already told Ms Woods how incredible her food creations are.”

“Oh you know each other?” Betty asked, faking surprise.

“We crossed paths.” Lexa answered. “Thank you Ms Griffin.” She turned back to Betty. “Can I offer you a dessert?”

“Oh my dear, that sounds lovely. Doesn’t it Clarke?”

“Yes, lovely indeed.”

Lexa smiled and nodded and with a last glance and a blinding smile she turned to get them their last course.

“Was that necessary?” Clarke breathed out once Lexa was out of earshot. “That was so embarrassing.”

“What do you mean?”

“Remember when I told you about not well received food critiques?” Betty nodded and Clarke continued. “Yeah well… Ms Woods here is one of those cooks who hates me because of an unfortunate article.”

“Oh.” Betty said but smiled. “I’m sure she’s not one to hold grudges for too long. Have you spoken about it?”

“Betty, please. Have you seen her? She’s probably the queen of ‘grudge-holding’. Her beautiful green eyes were so fierce and her perfect stance conveyed the arrogance of someone who knows how great they are in what they’re doing. No way, she won’t resent me for the rest of my life.” Clarke scoffed and emptied her glass with one big gulp.

“Mm, I see.” Betty mumbled and glanced back at the kitchen entrance. “I wonder what the dessert is.” She looked back at Clarke with a childlike expression, making the blonde smile warmly and forgiving her for the awkward situation she had put her in just moments ago.

“You’ll find out in a second.” She said and pointed to Monty, who approached them with two narrow glasses of something covered with a generous amount of whipped cream and a sprinkles of chocolate on top.

“Butterfinger Brownie Trifle, courtesy of the chef.” Monty explained and placed the luscious looking sweet in front of them. There was no doubt that Lexa had quickly created them specially, as they were not on the menu. To Clarke’s chagrin, it was just as perfect as everything else the blonde had ingested on board so far. ‘Damn you and your perfection Lexa Woods.’

They finished their dinner and Clarke guided Betty out of the restaurant and walked with her along the railing. The sky was dark and clear and a million stars shone brightly on the natural canvass.

“This is beautiful.” Clarke whispered.

“For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.”

“Aaah, Van Gogh, how poetic Betty.”

“Mmm, I thought you’d appreciate it. What are you doing now?”

“Well, I was invited to the party at the nightclub. You want to come too?”

Betty thought about it for a moment and finally nodded. “Sure, I could use something stronger.”

They headed over to the club and after searching for a few minutes Clarke spotted Octavia and Raven at the left side of the bar.

“Hi there.” She greeted shyly, unsure if her presence would be as well received as Octavia had made out earlier in the day.

“Hi! Clarke right?” Raven turned towards her and smiled brightly. “O told me you would come by.”

“Yeah, this is Betty.” Clarke gestured to her company.

“Hi Betty.” Raven offered and pointed to the bar. “What can I get you two beautiful ladies?”

“Whatever you’re having.”

“You sure?”

Clarke smiled and Betty grinned naughtily. “Hit us up with what you’ve got.”

To the surprise of all the younger people, Betty had quite the stamina and held her alcohol just as well. They danced and drank and talked and danced some more. Two hours into the party Clarke witnessed Lexa sitting at the bar on the other side in casual black jeans and a tight shirt and cursed under her breath for finding her hot. She willed her eyes away from the brunette when Betty announced her night had ended and she would leave now. They bit their farewell and agreed on their usual breakfast time, as they were to visit Bonaire the next day. Betty left the group, which had launched into another round of shots, and walked quickly back to the bar and waved down a bartender.

“Hello. Yes um, can you bring a shot of the liquor the group over there is drinking to the blonde, and tell her it’s from the brunette?” She said pointing to Lexa.

The man looked at her quizzically but shrugged it off. “Sure.”

She paid for the drink and finally left the club. If the two weren’t talking by now, she was sure her little mingling would instigate a conversation.

Clarke looked up in surprise when the bartender pushed the shot towards her and said what Betty had told him to say. The blonde nodded and accepted the drink, whilst turning towards Lexa, remembering how she had brushed her invitation for a drink off just a few nights ago. She couldn’t quite see her from where she was sat, but shrugged it off.

“Why is Lexa buying you a drink?” Octavia asked in surprise, recalling Clarke telling her about their problem.

“I don’t know. Maybe to apologise?”

“For what? I thought you had pissed her off?” Raven joined in, putting her arm over her girlfriend.

“It was a professional assessment of the food and atmosphere on one particular evening. I did not piss her off on purpose. I didn’t even know her.” Clarke defended herself.

“So… she offered you a drink just like that?”

Three heads turned again to the brunette, who had coincidentally looked into their general direction as well.

“Well, talk to her?” Raven said finally and gestured to the other side of the bar. Clarke looked at the shot and then back over at Lexa, who was still watching them. She breathed in deeply, squared her shoulders and slowly walked towards her.

“Hi.” She said and pointed to the stool next to the brunette. “May I?”

“If you must…”

“Um.” Clarke furrowed her brows at the animosity. “I just came over to thank you for the drink.”

“I didn’t buy any drink.” Lexa answered irritatingly.

“Yes you did, and before you say anything else, I’m actually glad you did. I think we’re grown up enough to get over things like bad timing and awful days. Thanks for making the first step.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. And for the record, I have not made any steps.” Clarke looked at her just as confused and a wave of anger at the stubbornness of the other woman seeped through her. “Oh ok. That’s how you wanna play it?”

“I didn’t realise we started playing.”

“Why did you buy me a drink if you don’t want to start over?”

“Again, I haven’t bought you any drink.”

“And what is this?” Clarke held up her hand.

“Um, this Ms Griffin is a common shot glass, made of silica and used for liquids to avoid having people putting their filthy mouths around bottles to enjoy their contents.” She explained slowly as if Clarke was a child and they were discussing Einstein's theory of relativity. When the blonde kept silently glaring at her, Lexa continued with a bored voice. “Why on earth would I buy you a drink anyway,” she said, before her facial expression changed as if a light bulb in her head had gone off. “Oh now I get it.” She stood up to use their small height difference to her advantage. “Are you trying to get me fired? Again?”

“What?” Clarke exclaimed surprised.

“Hitting on me.” She said simply. “Insinuating I bought you a drink, making it look like something is happening between us, knowing damn well, that staff are not allowed to have a personnel relationship with guests.” Lexa spat out.

Clarke growled and slammed the glass down onto the counter, the liquid sloshed and spilled, as she stood to square of to Lexa. “Have you taken a class in college on ‘how to asshole’ or are you just a bitch in general? Whatever game you’re playing here, I’m out.” She turned and left the club in the straightest line possible, leaving a very confused Lexa behind.

“What the fuck?”

She turned to the voice and found Costia leaning against the bar and looking at her with her mouth open in astonishment, before moving to clean the spillage.

“Yeah, you can say that again.” Lexa huffed and emptied her beer. ‘What the fuck?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Indeed - WTF? Mm, has Betty made it even worse now? Will Clarke find out it had been Betty and not a wicked game of Lexa? Will Lexa learn it had been Betty and not an attempt of Clarke to make her life even worse? Aaaaah... this is mad.
> 
> On another note - thanks for your feedback guys. It's so so appreciated. Thanks!
> 
> And a big thanks to my girlfriend who helped me quite a bit as I ran into a small writer's block within the chapter. Love you.
> 
> No idea when I'll update again, I hope soon. Also, I'll update 'Love At First Flight' within the next 48 hours. Sorry for the delay.
> 
> Cheers and have a nice Sunday/Monday wherever you are. J


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone,
> 
> I'm incredibly sorry for making you wait. Can't really explain it with anything but 'life happened'... 
> 
> So... where were we.... Betty had made Clarke's life a little more difficult. Lexa had tried to stay mad at Clarke. And Clarke? She had yelled at Lexa for playing games. But had she though?
> 
> Let's continue. Hope you enjoy the update.

 

* * *

“What’s happened?” Costia asked casually, whilst wiping the alcohol off the counter.

“I’d tell you if I knew.” Lexa answered slowly, still trying to understand what had just transpired in front of her. She had seen the blonde standing next to the elderly woman she had started to share her time with, at the other side of the bar, when she had entered the club. To her surprise they had mingled with a few staff members including Octavia and Raven, and even more astonishing all of them had seemed to have a great time. The chef had averted her gaze fairly early and had tried to not glance over, but once in a while a louder laugh or yell had reached her ears and she had looked again. She had found herself most fascinated with watching Clarke dance. She was an incredible dancer, Lexa had to admit. Amid the unlikely group, the critic had seemed so at ease and happy and to Lexa’s horror had come across as kind and lovely. She had danced with Betty more than with anyone else. At the end, Lexa had been so annoyed for not finding anything annoying anymore about the blonde that she had ordered a stronger drink, actively trying to drown out the treacherous thoughts of her body. She had been successful for some time, but had turned her head slightly when she saw the older woman was leaving the premises. She had gazed back to the group and her heart had nearly jumped out of her chest upon witnessing that Clarke had been looking at her curiously, with a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth. It had taken a second for Lexa to realise that Octavia and Raven had been staring at her as well. The mechanic had pointed over and Clarke’s gaze had shifted for a heartbeat to the shot glass in her hand, and then back up to Lexa, who had held the eye contact. After another moment of hesitation, the blonde had come over and had pointed to the chair next to her.

What had happened after that remained a mystery to Lexa even now that she had a moment to process everything. She leaned back in her seat and emptied her glass.

“Well if you fancy another drink with some company later…” Costia winked at Lexa after she had her attention. “I’m off in an hour.” Before the chef had any chance to answer, a rather angry voice made its annoying appearance next to her ear.

“What on earth did you say to Clarke?”

Lexa turned towards the noise and saw Raven and Octavia had walked over and were occupying the space next to her now. Raven had unceremoniously plopped down onto the chair Clarke had vacated moments ago with Octavia leaning against her.

“What I said?” Lexa looked at her incredulously. ‘Is she fucking kidding me?’

“Um, usually if someone thanks you for a drink, your normal answer is a ‘You’re welcome’ or maybe a smile if you’re shy, but surely not a screaming contest.” Raven pointed out, glaring a little at the chef.

“What’s wrong with people tonight?” Lexa had raised her voice, impatience evident in her tone. “Contrary to the common belief of everyone on board, I did not buy anyone a drink.”

“You didn’t?” Octavia furrowed her brow in confusion. “But the guy there came over with one.” She explained pointing to the man at the other side of the bar. “He said it was from you, for Clarke.”

“Well, only one way to find out.” Raven stated and turned in the chair. “Oi!” She yelled and slapped her hand flat onto the wooden surface. When the man looked up, she beckoned him over. “Got a minute? We have a question.” He stepped closer and nodded. “Did you bring a drink to the blonde woman, who had been with us earlier, saying it was from her?” She tilted her head into Lexa’s direction.

“Yeah. An older lady paid for it and told me to say that.” He explained and smiled uncomfortably. “Why?”

The couple ignored him and his request for elaboration and turned back to Lexa, who sat with her mouth open and eyes wide at the revelation of the night’s drama. “Well shit.”

# ***

Clarke had left the club fuming, thoughts running at light speed through her mind.

‘Who the hell does she think she is? This is sooo uncalled for. I only did my job. No need to be so cruel.’ She let out a frustrated sound, whilst walking briskly to her cabin. ‘Why play games? I have been nice and all. What the hell? Why would you get someone a drink and then deny you’d done so? Is this the adult version of ‘I push you off the swings, cos’ I like you?’’ She sighed and pushed the door to her room open. Once she was inside she kicked off her heels and went over to the minibar. “I really don’t get this woman.” She said with finality in her voice and opened a small bottle of vodka, downing the content in one large gulp. She shuddered slightly at the taste exploding on her tongue, but shrugged the sensation off, whilst slipping into something more comfortable. She took another shot bottle out of cooling and settled on her balcony with her laptop. Instead of mulling over again and again what had happened, Clarke decided to distract herself with work. She had managed to write a few more words about her last days, excursions and entertainment on board, before she listlessly closed the computer and pushed it onto the small table. “This is so stupid.” She mumbled, when she heard a tentative knock at the door. Clarke looked confused, wondering for second if the chef was here to apologise. She stalked over and slowly opened the door to a smiling Octavia.

“Hi. I hope I haven’t woken you?” She offered immediately.

“No no, it’s fine. I was way too confused to go to bed.”

“About that.” The brunette leaned closer to Clarke. “Can I talk to you? In private?”

“Sure.” She said and stepped aside to let her in. Once the door was closed, Clarke gestured to the balcony again and both women settled down. “So?” She looked at the brunette with questioning eyes.

“Yeah. Well once you’d stormed out we asked Lexa what had happened. And long story short, we believe that Betty bought the drink.”

“What? This is ridiculous. I’m surprised you’re siding with Lexa.” Clarke huffed out annoyed.

“No really, you have to trust me. Lexa didn’t get you the shot. Betty did and had instructed the barkeeper to pretend it had been Lexa.”

“Why would she do that?”

“You’re asking me? She’s your friend.”

“She’s hardly a friend. I know her for what? 5 days? Hardly really.”

“Well, whatever she is, she most likely caused the disaster. I believe Lexa when she said it hadn’t been her.”

“Are you and Lexa buddies now?” Clarke sneered, but smiled apologetically a second later. “Sorry. I know you’re not to blame.” She raked her fingers through her hair and sighed for the millionth time this evening. “I just don’t get her.”

“Who? Lexa or Betty?”

“Fair question.” Clarke grinned. “I guess both, but I was talking about Lexa.”

“I don’t know her really. She only started working her on this trip, but she’s always friendly and nice.”

“Yeah, I get that from watching her interacting with the staff and guests at the restaurant. You know what really pisses me off?” Clarke inhaled deeply and went on. “She gets so much appraisal and acknowledgement from everyone that her food is awesome, why does she keep this grudge alive. She must know she’s good at it. And besides, I myself have told her so.”

“I don’t know Clarke. Maybe you should ask her that, when you talk to her.”

“Hell no. I’m not gonna talk to her.” The blonde growled and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Not a cat in hell’s chance.”

“What is this? Kindergarten for beginners?” Octavia shook her head disapprovingly.

“Well excuse me for being reluctant after tonight’s…” She held up her hands to make quotation marks. “…’success rate’…” She crinkled her nose. “…to strike another conversation with her.”

“One of you has to budge.” Octavia shrugged.

“It won’t be me.”

“I feel like I’m having déjà vu. Oh wait, yes, I’ve been there merely 20 minutes ago, when Lexa stated the same.”

“Let me make this clear. I am not going to talk to her.” Clarke pointed out with a gravelly voice.

“Ok. Ok. No need to be hostile. I’ll leave now, but think about it though.” Octavia stood up and stepped back into the room, walking slowly towards the door. “I don’t know you either Clarke, but you seem like a nice person. Definitely fun to hang out with. I’d hate for you to mope the rest of the journey. It’s supposed to be a one-time adventure. Please promise me to make sure you can enjoy the rest of it, however you’re going to achieve this. Ok?” She had reached the handle by the end of her little speech and Clarke looked at her with a sombre expression.

“Thanks for your words. I appreciate you coming here to tell me about Betty. I’ll be sure to ask her tomorrow morning. Anything else, I can’t promise.”

“I don’t need you to promise anything. Good night Clarke.”

“Night Octavia.” The fitness coach slipped quickly through the door and left Clarke alone.

“Betty, Betty, Betty. I should have been warned after your little stunt at dinner.” She mumbled and finally felt calm enough to try to settle down.

# ***

After Raven and Octavia had unsuccessfully tried to get Lexa to talk to Clarke, they had left her feeling shitty and miserable. Mainly because she couldn’t get the hurtful expression on the blonde’s face out of her mind. Lexa was still sitting at the bar, deeply submerged in her thoughts, when she felt a hand pulling her onto her feet. She quickly spun around, but relaxed when she realised who was dragging her to a more secluded table separated from the crowd. Costia graciously sat down and pulled Lexa onto the couch next to her.

“So what was this whole thing about now?” She asked again and pushed a beer closer to the brunette.

“Can we maybe not speak about it?” Lexa accepted the drink with a smile. “Thanks.”

The bartender shrugged and leaned closer. “Sure, what do you want to talk about?”

“Um, I don’t know. How old are you? Where are you from? How did you end up bartending on a luxury ship?” She offered with a grin.

“Oh, the get to know each other crap? Well suit yourself Lexa.” Costia leaned back against the couch. “Well let’s see. I’m 28. Born and raised in Polis, Maryland, USA.” She paused to sip on her drink and sent a flirty wink to the brunette. “How I got this awesome job? Funny story really. I was working at a bar down at the docks and this woman strolled in and requested the most expensive aka complicated cocktail on the menu. I prepared the stuff and she liked it.”

“So she offered you a job on this ship? Who was she?”

“The captain.”

Lexa looked at her surprised. “Um, was there anything in the small print of the contract or did she just like your skills at bartending.”

“Jealous?” Costia licked her lips and grinned like a Cheshire cat at Lexa.

“Not at all. Just wondering.” The brunette shook her head to emphasize her words.

“I’m a free woman if that’s what you’re wondering.” Costia lifted her hand slowly and dragged one finger along Lexa’s cheek.

“Not wondering at all.” Lexa shifted in her seat.

“You sure?”

“You know what. I’m tired. I’m gonna go.” Lexa moved further to the end of the couch and out of reach.

“Mm. Are you taken? Do you have a girl back in the home harbour?” Costia asked quickly.

“Has it ever occurred to you that I might simply not be interested in you that way?” Lexa finally stood up and stepped back from the table, eyes angrily glaring down at the other woman.

“Honestly? No. And for future reference I’m very interested in you that way and I just happen to love a challenge.”

“Well there’s no challenge. Unless you’re interested in a friendship, I suggest you stay away from me.”

“Ouch Lexa. You sure you’re single? Say the word girlfriend or wife and I’ll back off. I’m not a home wrecker.”

Lexa’s eyebrows shot up high in astonishment. “Wow, some decency in there after all? I’m surprised.”

Costia smiled warmly and shrugged again. “Well. Is there?”

“Is there what?”

“A family.” The bartender huffed out annoyed, getting up as well.

“No, but I still don’t like you like that. Can you just accept that?”

“Friendship huh.” Costia looked at her with a serious expression. “If that’s all you want right now, I’ll take that.”

Lexa smiled at her words. “Good. Good. I’m still leaving.” Upon Costia’s pout she laughed out. “My work shifts are a little different than yours, I assume.”

“You’re right, dear friend.” She winked, emphasizing the last word.

“Friend.” Lexa repeated to make sure they were finally on the same page.

After another moment, Lexa waved her goodnight and made her way down to the staff quarters. The sky was clear and an uncountable number of stars twinkled and sparkled above her. She let the calm of the night and the sea wash over her and pushed the tumult of her feelings back into the furthest corner of her brain. She just couldn’t do emotions. And the blonde’s face had been full of them. Too full. Too many. She would treat them like her own. Ignorance is bliss.

# ***

Betty woke up excited for the new day. She was eager to learn about what had happened last night. She couldn’t wait for meeting with Clarke to ask her all about it. The older woman got ready half an hour too early and waited patiently in front of the restaurant. She sat down in one of the plush seats and started to silently speculate over the last evening’s events. ‘They surely talked with each other.’ She knew, Clarke was a polite person and would thank the chef for the drink. ‘They might have had a chance to clear the air about their past problem?’ Betty really wanted the resentment from Lexa towards her friend to be gone, for the sake of Clarke. She had witnessed first-hand how utterly captivated the critic had been whenever the chef had appeared. She found it sad to see how something so long ago, still held so much power over them to prevent something in the future. She still remembered Clarke’s words from the previous night about how beautiful the blonde thought the cook’s eyes were and how intrigued she was over the whole posture the brunette carried herself with. Betty smiled softly before checking her watch again. Clarke was five minutes late by now. ‘Maybe it had been later last night for her?’ Betty’s smile morphed into a grin, when she spotted the blonde marching over.

“Good morning Betty.”

“Clarke. It’s wonderful seeing you so cheerful this morning.”

“This is my ‘I have to cover up my anger, because people usually get upset if someone yells at older people in public’ attitude.” Clarke answered whilst pushing Betty slightly towards the exit.

“Clarke? What’s wrong? Why are you pushing me?” Betty stumbled along.

“Well, I just want a moment alone with you.” Clarke smiled at her and opened the door to the outside deck. She walked a few feet away and stopped at the railing waiting for Betty to catch up.

“Clarke?”

“Well Betty. Can I ask you something?” Upon a tentative nod paired with big eyes, the blonde continued. “What on earth were you thinking last night?”

Although she had no idea what had happened, Betty was aware of what Clarke was hinting at and smiled apologetically at her. “I thought it’d help.” She finally answered.

“How did you think it would help?”

“What happened?” The elderly asked instead, ignoring the question.

“I don’t even know. I thanked her and she insisted she hadn’t done anything. I got angry and left.”

“Oh my.”

“That’s all you’re going to say? Oh my?” Clarke huffed.

“Well, what do you want me to say? An apology wouldn’t undo what has happened, would it?”

“Wow, your logic is flawless.” Clarke pushed herself off the railing and eyed her friend. “Please promise me to never interfere ever again.”

“I didn’t mean to start a fight. I thought it would help you both break the ice and you would actually talk.” Betty offered, with regret in her voice.

“Don’t worry. It’s not going to happen. No matter what you do.”

“Have you talked to her? Has she talked to you?”

“No, and quite frankly I feel in the right not wanting to talk to her.”

“This is exactly the opposite of what I’d wanted for you Clarke.” Betty lowered her head avoiding Clarke’s intense blue eyes. “I’m sorry.” She whispered.

Clarke’s heart broke a little at the display in front of her. She didn’t mean to make someone else’s life miserable as well. “Hey.” She said and stepped closer, wrapping her arms around the smaller woman. “It’s done. Let’s forget it.”

“Ok.” Betty hugged her back shortly, before stepping back and timidly smiling up at her. “I promise to do nothing.”

“Thank you.” They leaned against the railing, watching the huge ship docking at the new harbour. After a moment Betty poked her in the side. When she turned her head she saw her grinning. “You know, if fate wants you talking to each other, it’ll happen.”

Clarke looked at her in disbelief, before she started laughing. “Oh Betty…”

# ***

Kralendijk was a beautiful town, sparkling with the cliché Caribbean flair. They strolled through the capital of this Dutch island before joining an organised tour, which took them from north to south and offered historical facts as well as beautiful natural sights.

When they arrived back in the town’s centre they decided to try some food and went to a small market. Clarke was looking in awe at the huge and various displays of fruit, when she bumped into someone next to her. She mumbled her sorry, but was stopped from further perusing the stand by a firm voice. “For what?”

Clarke looked up and got immediately lost in the green eyes staring back at her. ‘Wow.’

“Um what?” She uttered confused.

“What are you apologising for?” Lexa asked again.

“For bumping into you?” Clarke’s eyes roamed over the cook’s face, stopping when she saw the slight frown.

“Hardly something to apologise for.” Lexa huffed, ignoring her gaze.

“Well, at least I did apologise.” Clarke pushed back, feeling some of the anger from last night re-emerging.

“What do you mean by that? If this is about last night, I’m not going to apologise. I haven’t done anything. If at all it should be you for accusing me.” Lexa finally glanced over but averted her eyes quickly back to the fruit in her hands.

“I merely thanked you for a drink you hadn’t bought. There was no accusing.”

“There so was.” Lexa laughed out. Clarke blinked at her, enthralled by the sound. When she didn’t answer, Lexa handed the fruit over to the salesperson and asked for a few of them to be added to the bill. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter as you now know it wasn’t me.” She said and stepped further away indicating she was done with the conversation.

“Whatever.” Clarke mumbled. “It would be too much of a surprise if you held out the olive branch.”

“Come again?” Lexa exhaled audibly and finally turned completely to the blonde. She really tried hard to not let her gaze wander lower than the blonde’s head. ‘God, did she really have to wear a blouse which made her cleavage look like the gateway to heaven?’ By ignoring everything below her face, Lexa was left with staring into the fierce blue eyes. She gulped slightly and tried to moisten her lips but felt completely dried-out. Clarke on the other hand didn’t fare much better, but before she could explain what she had meant, Betty called out to her from another stand and the stare-off ended abruptly with Lexa turning sharply back to finish her shopping and Clarke blinking a couple of times, whilst walking over to her friend.

“Did you see these?” Betty pointed to paintings on driftwood and stones. Clarke shook her head, still in a daze and accepted the piece of art held out to her.

“Yeah beautiful.” She answered automatically.

“I’ll be right back.”

Clarke nodded, happy to be left alone for a moment to sort through the turmoil of feelings Lexa had caused by merely looking at her. She didn’t realise anything around her and didn’t see Betty walking over to the cook.

“Ms. Woods? A word?” Betty stopped Lexa from getting into the van.

“Yes?”

“My name is Betty and I want to apologise for my meddling last night.”

“Betty.” Lexa nodded in recognition. “Well, thank you for apologising, but please never do anything like that again.”

“I promise.” She offered and Lexa accepted it with a smile, but her eyes left the woman in front of her. When she followed the chef’s line of sight, Betty saw that the green eyes lingered on Clarke, who stood, still deep in thought, whilst holding the coloured stone in her hands. Betty shook her head and cleared her throat, effectively returning Lexa from her lost state. “Can I ask you something?”

“Depends?” Lexa focused back on her with a hesitant expression on her face.

“Why are you still so angry at her?”

Lexa sighed and looked down at her feet. “She nearly destroyed my career with her critique. Why did she have to be there that night, of all nights to witness and point out my lapse of judgement?” Lexa looked lost until her eyes fell back onto the blonde.

“That sounds like you’re angrier with yourself than with her. Don’t you think it’s time to stop blaming yourself for something you can’t change?”

“I wasn’t even thinking of the article anymore, but when I found out she was on board, it all came back, raising its ugly head and telling me I’m a failure.”

“Oh dear.” Betty stepped closer. “You’re not a failure. You’re doing an incredible job and you’re very talented. Didn’t Clarke even say that?”

“Yeah.” Lexa smiled warmly, but schooled her expression back to in an illegible mask.

Sensing the brunette wasn’t keen on sharing any more feelings or stories, Betty nodded. “Well, thank you for being so open. Now, I won’t keep you from your job any longer.” She said and turned to walk back to Clarke, when a hand stopped her.

“Please keep what I’ve told you to yourself.” Sincere green eyes flicked between the elderly in front of her and Clarke, still oblivious to her surrounding, a few feet away.

“Of course darling.” Betty smiled at her.

“Thanks. I hope you guys have a nice time.” Lexa bid her farewell and jumped into the car.

Betty strolled back to where she had left the blonde, who had processed her thoughts and was actively looking at the various skilfully painted objects.

“Ah there you are. Look at that.” She pointed out when she saw the older woman re-appear at her sight, holding out some wooden sign.

They continued strolling over the market and tried some ice cream at a small café.

“I’m so full I guess I won’t need dinner tonight. Lucky me!” Clarke grinned but rubbed her belly.

“Why are you happy about that?”

“Well, I won’t have to see her. Always a win.” The blonde mumbled unconvincingly, seeming very interested in her fingers all of a sudden.

“Clarke, you’re being childish.” Betty reprimanded her cheerfully.

“Whatever.” She didn’t even deny it. ‘Yeah she was childish. So what? Who cares?’

“I did say I won’t meddle anymore and I intend to keep my word, but I didn’t say I won’t talk.” The older woman paused and waited for Clarke to look at her. “I’ll be really forward now, please don’t be offended, but I have the feeling this problem between you and the cook, is not really because of a critique anymore. Am I right?”

“Um…” Clarke blushed a little at the insinuated meaning of Betty’s words. “It is for her.” She finally acknowledged.

“What if I told you, it wasn’t for her either?”

“What do you mean? Have you talked to her?”

“I might have, but I won’t tell you what about.”

“Why are we having this conversation if you won’t talk?” Clarke sighed and tilted her head back, closing her eyes.

“I’ll keep quiet then.”

When Betty indeed didn’t say anything else, Clarke chanced a glance at her companion and saw her smiling. “What?” Clarke lowered her head, looking at her now. “Why are you smiling?”

“It’s a beautiful day. I’m in paradise. I have great company. Why wouldn’t I smile?”

Clarke narrowed her eyes at the woman. “I sense you’re still on the subject.”

“My mind is not half as occupied about a certain brunette cook as yours is. I rest my case.”

“I don’t believe you. What did you mean earlier when you said the critique wasn’t the problem for Lexa either?”

“Exactly that.” Betty smiled. “Now, shall we travel back to the ship? I feel like a nap is in order.”

“Are you exhausted?” Clarke looked at her concerned.

“Dealing with you two is extremely exhausting.”

“No one asked you to.”

“I know. I do that for my own amusement.”

“Good to know.”

They left the table in the shade and strolled back to where the bus had dropped them off in the morning. Clarke’s mind was completely engaged with Betty’s words. ‘Why was Lexa behaving the way she was, if she wasn’t angry about her words anymore? Why did she brush her off? Why can’t she simply behave like a normal human being?’

They boarded the small van, which was on call for the convenience of the passengers of the ship and a few moments later they left. Before settling her gaze onto the magnificent landscape passing by the window, the older woman secretly studied her younger friend. ‘Mission accomplished. She’s thinking about her again.’ Betty was sure her words to the chef had found a sounding board as well. Now all she had to do was lean back and hope the two figured the rest out on their own.

# ***

That was what she had hoped. But neither Lexa nor Clarke had gotten the memo.

The evening went by without any disturbance. Their dinner had been spot on and Betty and Clarke were intrigued to find various fruit, they had seen the cook buying on the market, in the dishes. Clarke was her usual happy self again and the conversation between the two flowed easily. This evening however, Lexa didn’t leave the kitchen once, to Betty’s disappointment, and as she had promised not to get involved anymore, she couldn’t summon the chef to her table either.

After their meal they went for a short stroll along the artificial promenade and discussed the next day. The ship would be staying longer in Willemstad, Curaçao and Clarke was eager to visit a few of the art galleries the island was famous for. She had heard so much about the omnipresence of vibrant colours.

“I’ve read somewhere that you should experience a country through the eyes of its artists, to truly capture it.” Clarke said, looking unfocused out onto the horizon. At the profound words Betty turned away from the railing and faced the blonde.

“You’ve never told me why you stopped pursuing your art.” She mused in a silent voice.

“I think I said I didn’t want to talk about it.” Clarke answered with a small smile.

“Has that changed?”

“Betty.” Clarke sighed and simply studied the older woman in front of her. After a moment she exhaled again. “Have you ever been so fascinated by something you were incredibly bad at?”

Betty tilted her head to the side and smiled warmly. “You loved art but you weren’t good at it?”

Clarke cringed at her words but nodded after a second. “Yeah something along those lines.”

“Who told you?”

“No one had to, I found out the hard way.”

“Darling, I haven’t known you for long, but you don’t seem to be someone who cares much about what others say.”

“Well, I do care more than you think. Sad really. I should take my own advice and don’t.” Clarke shrugged, her eyes back focusing on nothing. “I failed big time.”

“For someone with such a history I’m surprised you’ve chosen a profession where you judge other people on their skills.” Betty didn’t mean to add salt to a wound, but she did nevertheless.

“Well surprisingly, I’m really good at criticising others. I guess at least I learned to use all the opinions and phrases thrown at me about my non-existent painting skill.”

“Have you ever tried to paint anything again?”

“No. No point in it. It’s just a waste of time. My mother was right.”

“Your mother?”

“She told me to stop pretending life was more than earning money, paying invoices and -”

“Oh but life should be more than just that.” Betty interrupted her. “Do you enjoy writing?”

Clarke blinked a few times to get her mother’s disapproving voice out of her conscience. “Yeah.” She said after a moment. “Yes I do.”

“What do you enjoy about it?”

“The freedom of choosing each word. I can be as descriptive or mystical as I want. I mean I don’t need much creativity for critiques, but I still get to touch people. In a good and sometimes bad way.”

“But you still like it? Even if you have to tell someone they suck?”

“Betty, are you trying to make me question my career?”

“No darling, not at all, but I do like to point out, that you still like your job, although you know there are a lot of people out there, who don’t like your articles and critiques. That’s not stopping you from writing.”

Clarke narrowed her eyes at Betty’s words. “Well it’s my job. If I stop writing, I’m soon unemployed, which I really don’t fancy.”

“Of course.” Betty nodded and suppressed a yawn. “Sometimes though, we need to make more of our life. Sometimes, what we do for a living is indeed just for surviving, but not living.” Betty patted Clarke’s back, who looked at her with a small smile.

“Thanks. I think I needed to hear that at one point in my life.” The blonde agreed.

“Food for thought. Now, I’ll leave you to it. You have a lot to think about.” Betty hugged her shortly and added, before leaving the younger woman. “Also, other people might feel like they’ve failed at what they thought they’re really good at. This might influence them just as much as it has influenced you. Goodnight Clarke.” She waved and Clarke followed her with her eyes until she couldn’t see her anymore.

“Well…” She whispered. “That was unexpected.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Think Betty had some good points this time, but will the girls listen to her?
> 
> Next chapters will show. I can't promise a quick update, but I'll try my best.
> 
> Let me know what you think - kudos, comments - anything... or message on tumblr (Jaansche).  
> Cheers.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait. I have been on vacation and then life just interfered. I don't know how quickly I can update as I'm awfully busy at work but I try my best. However please know I'll finish the story 100 %. Rest assured. Now, hopefully you enjoy the new chapter. Here it comes.

* * *

Lexa found herself busier the closer the journey came to an end. She had to get up early to coordinate the menu with her team, and then had to head out to get to the market or grocery company on the island to get hold of any locally sourced food. Once she'd gotten what she required, she was holed up in the kitchen preparing everything that needed time. She loved her job though. She finally felt confident enough to not have to seek out passengers’ feedback to simply know she cooked exquisite food. She positively wallowed in her newfound self-confidence.

There was only one small thing on her mental agenda she hadn’t been able to do so far. She hadn’t been brave enough to talk to Clarke. She hadn’t offered her the peace she had asked for from the beginning. She hadn’t acknowledged the fact that the blonde had truthfully described the damned evening. However much she'd wanted to walk up to her, and she'd had plenty of possibilities during dinners, she never did. Instead she kept watching from afar how generously the critic offered her time to the older woman. How radiant the blonde looked under the Caribbean sun. How effortlessly she styled and accentuated her stunning body. Lexa had to admit at least to herself, that she was more than intrigued. If she wanted or not, a huge part of her brain had stopped ranting and started stumbling over anything the other woman did.

Clarke, on the other hand, contemplated for the millionth time if she even wanted to talk to the cook again. During the day she was convinced she wouldn’t make the first move but at night, when she laid awake, wondering about the beautiful woman with those incredible lips and soulful eyes, she wasn’t so sure anymore. Finally, on the second night after her eye-opening talk with Betty, she decided she at least wanted to get a chance to try and reiterate that Lexa was a talented cook, even back in the days of the critique she had been nothing but good. She wanted to make sure, that her words, as professional and accurate as they might have been, hadn't been meant as a discouragement, despite the cook’s brusqueness and coldness towards her. She felt the need to tell her how truly incredible her creations were. She owed her that at least.

However, in the last two days, she had seen the chef running more often around a market, directing sales and packing vans, than she had seen her on board. The brunette always looked extremely busy and Clarke didn’t feel the need for another awful encounter. So she waited for a time where she would find her relaxed or at least less occupied.

The time never came and she found herself walking back on board the ship with a chatting Betty in tow on the last day of their journey. The ship had docked in Aruba and the two women had taken their time to explore the jewel of an island. The harbour city had been as colourful and vibrant as the others they had seen during their trip, but Clarke felt strangely connected to it. Maybe it had been the ‘state of the art’ tram that connected the harbour terminal with the Main Street and it greatly reminded her of her trips to San Francisco with her father. Or maybe it was the happy attitude the locals received her with. God knew she needed some happiness in her life. Clarke stepped off the landing and quickly waved Betty goodbye, who told her she would be back in a few minutes to drop off her souvenirs at her cabin. Clarke watched other passengers walk up the bridge with big smiles on their faces and tired kids in their arms. She marvelled once more at the rugged landscape the island presented and wondered how difficult it might be to open an art gallery here.

“Clarke?” Betty came running up the stairs as quickly as she could. “Look what I’ve just seen.” She hectically waved a flyer in front of Clarke’s face, who tugged it out of her fingers.

‘Remote Island Dinner – The special way to say goodbye’

“Isn’t that something interesting?”

“Sounds good.” Clarke avoided eye contact. “Have you booked it?” She asked a heartbeat later.

“No, but I’ve asked and there is still space for a couple.” Betty fluttered her eyelashes at Clarke to convince her to go with her.

“This might sound weird now, but I’ve already been booked on that one.” Clarke said and started walking into the dining hall.

“How come? Why haven’t you told me about it? I'm sure this is an incredible experience.” Betty asked confused and followed her blonde friend.

“Betty, listen. You are only the third person on board who knows about this and you have to promise to not say anything to anyone.”

“Ok.” The elderly answered with a frown of confusion.

“I’m here on business.”

“You’ve been sent from the magazine?”

“Yes, but -”

A loud noise from behind Clarke interrupted her explanation and both women turned around to painfully watch Lexa looking at the blonde with her mouth agape and the plate she had held seconds before on the floor.

“Um, you ok?” Clarke stepped closer to the chef, who seemed to have found her bearings at the same time. “Again?” The brunette pressed through her clenched jaw.

“What?” Clarke looked at her surprised. She wasn’t sure what the brunette had heard, but an icy feeling crept into her tummy, coiling around her intestines and squeezing them painfully tight.

“You’re here to judge me again? I came over to try to apologize for my displayed anger towards you, because I thought we could start over.” Lexa exhaled loudly, before flashing an angry glare at the critic. “Looks like my guardedness towards you has been warranted all along. God, I should have seen this coming.” Lexa growled and all of a sudden avoided eye contact and shook her head in utter disbelief at the situation.

“It’s not like that at all.” Clarke tried but Lexa just turned around and stormed off. “Fuck!” She exclaimed exhaustedly and faced Betty who stood stock still next to her.

“I did not see that one coming either.” The older woman whispered.

Any appetite the blonde might have had earlier had vanished and she felt tears prickling at her eyes. “Ok. I… um…” She wiped over her face, squeezing her eyes tightly shut and tried to control the onslaught of emotions but failed miserably.

“Oh dear. Come on.” Betty took her by her arm and led her out of the restaurant and further away until they couldn’t hear any chatter. The boat was still docked and Clarke felt the urge to run down the landing and vanish into the evening, but Betty’s arm still clung to her. “I’ll talk to her.” She said after a while.

Clarke’s head came up so quickly, the older woman worried she might suffer from whiplash. “Don’t.” She breathed out, her words sounding more like plea than a request. “Don’t do that!” She tried again more convincingly. “I think it would make everything even worse.”

“What is it you do on board exactly?” Betty asked to take Clarke’s mind of the imminent drama. Clarke looked at her, eyes jumping over the older woman’s face, searching for any sign of judgement or disappointment. She couldn’t find any, so she took a deep breath, before silently speaking up again in a calm, measured voice.

“I’m here for a colleague, who had broken her hip. She usually does the travels. I’m not here to write a critique about the restaurants but about the whole experience. We were contracted by the shipping company itself to evaluate the journey.” Clarke sighed loudly. “The irony is, whenever I mention the food in my draft, I praise it and Lexa Woods to the skies.” She huffed out in pain. “Why the hell does she think so badly of me? I’m not some monster who is out there to destroy her.”

“I don’t know sweetheart, but sometimes connected souls are known for bringing difficulties, challenges, pain and unforgettable trauma.”

“Betty no offense, but Lexa and I aren’t soulmates. Your karma jabbering isn’t working.”

“I’m not so sure.” Betty replied unaffected by Clarke’s harsh words.

“I am, all the more. I’m not hungry anymore. Please don’t miss out on my behalf Betty. I’m sure Lexa has cooked a superb dinner.” Clarke kissed her cheek and walked off towards her cabin.

She spent the reminder of the night, half drunk on her balcony, cried at the ‘end of the journey’ fireworks and swallowed in self-pity until she fell asleep on the chair.

# ***

Betty had come looking for her around lunchtime the next day. She had had to knock for an insanely long time but finally the blonde had opened her door. She had looked like death warmed up, but Betty hadn’t commented on it and instead followed her into her room.

“So, what do you want to do? We have another 24 hours cruising until we reach our home harbour.” She asked her cheerfully.

“God, please not so loud.” Clarke whined, stalking back to her bed and let herself fall onto it with a sigh.

“Have you been drinking?” She asked concerned.

“Yeah, that’s my go-to approach for dealing with unwanted feelings.”

“Right. Have you had anything to eat?”

Clarke leaned back in her bed; she had crawled in around four in the morning after being woken by an agonising pain in her back from sleeping in the chair. “What do you want to do?” She asked instead.

“That means no I guess. Come on. Let’s get you something.”

“Don’t wanna.” Clarke pouted, knowing she didn’t stand a chance against the mother of three.

“Get up. Moping is a disgrace and you and I have to come up with a plan to win your princess’ heart.”

“My pri… what?” Clarke looked at her as if she had lost her mind. “I’m not in love with her.” She stated, voice wavering though.

“Of course not.” Betty answered. “That’d be ridiculous as all you’ve exchanged were threats and growls. One can’t possibly fall in love without sweet words and grand gestures.”

“I don’t know if you mean that or if you’re being sarcastic.” Clarke glared at her but let herself be pushed out of the bed.

“Who knows?” Betty smiled. “Get dressed, I’ll wait outside.”

Another 10 minutes and the two were strolling along the market on the fifth deck, sipping freshly pressed juice. At one of the stands Clarke saw Raven and Octavia and waved them a hello, shyly.

“Hi there. How are you guys?” Raven greeted her, beckoning them over.

“I’m fine thank you, but Clarke is a little down.”

“Betty!” Clarke scream whispered.

“Why what happened?” Octavia asked eyeing the blonde with a knowing expression. “Have you not been able to enjoy the trip?”

“I have. It was awesome.” Clarke spat out.

“Weird. It always seems to be that both of you are in a funk at the same time.” Raven pointed out. Clarke really didn’t want to but swallowed the bait anyway.

“What do you mean?” She asked as nonchalantly as possible.

“Lexa was down the whole night and had a little too much to drink. I just hope Costia hasn’t used that to her advantage.”

“Who is Costia?” Clarke asked confused.

“The bartender who wanted to get into Lexa’s pants the second she laid eyes on her.”

Clarke blinked at the revelation, feeling unwarranted jealousy taking over her mind. “And was Lexa interested?”

“Don’t know.” Raven answered and looked at her girlfriend. “Have you seen anything O?”

The questioned woman shook her head grinning at the blonde. “Why do you want to know?”

Betty chose the moment to participate in the conversation again. “Lexa learned something about Clarke she wasn’t supposed to know and got angry. Again.” She sighed. “It was going so well.”

“What happened and how well are we speaking?” Octavia and Raven leaned in.

“Well enough that I had hoped they would finally bury their fight and start talking about their mutual feelings for each other.”

“Betty!” Clarke hissed once more. “Please. There are no mutual feelings.” She corrected.

“Oh.” Octavia and Raven exchanged a glance.

“What?” Clarke asked after another heartbeat of silence.

The couple ignored her and turned to Betty. “Have you been naughty enough to think of a plan to fix this?”

The older woman grinned. “Not yet, but with two more sharp brains I’m sure we come up with something.”

Clarke shook her head in defeat. “There is nothing to fix here. Nothing to push into action.”

“Betty, come by the gym later and we’ll do some brainstorming.” Octavia offered.

“Seriously guys. I don’t want anything from her except maybe to apologise or so…”

“I’ll be off duty from 3 as I have to work tomorrow early morning when we reach San Juan. I’ll join you.” Raven contributed as well.

“Hello? Are you lot ignoring me now?”

“The gym is on which deck?” Betty asked sweetly, stepping away from Clarke who had tried to force the elderly’s focus on her. Upon seeing that neither of the three other’s acknowledged her, she huffed out annoyed and stalked off. “Fine be idiots. I’ll get something to eat.”

Clarke turned around and walked once more past the various stands of the food court, the laughter of the three women worming its way into her consciousness. She huffed out once more. “What do they know? I should know better about the state of my heart and there’s no…” She stopped dead in her track, when she spotted Lexa sitting with her head down at a bar a few feet away. The brunette seemed to be alone, brooding over something. Clarke zoomed in on the furrowed brow and the lip trapped between pearly teeth and she felt butterflies erupt inside of her. ‘No no no no…’ She chastised herself silently, begging to not have developed feelings for someone who was clearly not interested. Lexa finally released the lip when another vaguely familiar young woman approached her, sliding onto the chair next to her and putting an arm around the slender form of the cook. Clarke watched them talk closely with each other for a while and again she felt her tummy squirming, but not in a positive way. “No no no no…” She growled in a desperate voice, louder than intended and Lexa turned around to look at her. Clarke felt a deep blush spreading over her face and she turned and powerwalked as quickly as she could out of sight. ‘Fuck! I have developed feelings.’

# ***

When Lexa got the list of the select group of passengers participating in the ‘Remote Island Dinner’ she groaned out loudly and exasperatedly. “Of course. Fate fucking hates me.”

She left the piece of paper on her desk and went out of the restaurant to suck in some fresh sea breeze to clear her mind. After learning last night, the blonde critic was on business on the ship, it shouldn’t have been a surprise to find her name on the list. What had she been thinking anyway? ‘I walk up to her, apologise for my behaviour and we start over? Getting to know each other and maybe…’

“What’s wrong girl?” Costia asked, sitting down in the chair next to her, hugging her hello.

“Nothing.” Lexa responded immediately on autopilot.

“Yeah. No I don’t think so. Spit it out friend.”

Lexa looked up at her in surprise upon hearing the word. She asked her to be friends and friends do talk to each other. She should give it a try; otherwise it looked like she used the ‘friendship offer’ as an excuse. Besides, she did like Costia. She was a good person and god knows she needed more people in her life. Her ambitions for becoming the best she could be had made her quite lonely.

Lexa smiled. “Not sure you want to hear about the drama.”

“There’s drama?” Costia smiled back. “And you’re a part of it?”

Lexa only nodded with a dopey grin on her face. ‘Yeah I don’t know how that had happened either.’

“Why am I not surprised?” Costia mused with a half smile and a raised eyebrow.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well. Honest answer? From friend to friend?” Costia nudged her when Lexa nodded. “The whole ‘Let’s be friends’ bullshit you pulled, was not the reason, you and I never had a chance.” She still smiled, but her voice had taken on a more serious tone. “Let me guess, your problem has something to do with the blonde passenger you had that argument with the other night?”

“How do you know?” Lexa looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Ok. Well I don’t know you well, but you know what caught my attention the first time I saw you?” She made a pause waiting for Lexa to say anything. When she didn’t, Costia resumed. “Your eyes and the way you looked at her that night.”

Lexa averted her gaze from the woman and searched her brain for the missing information. “Oh!” She remembered the evening she went to explore the club and was blown away by the raspy voice and blue eyes, before she had been able to school her features back to anger and hate.

“Yeah, before you launched into, what seemed to be your trademark conversation style, I happened to see that look. Whatever had happened between the two of you, and please don’t even start to deny you don’t have a history - no one bickers and yells at each other like you do, without having seen them naked or wanting to see them naked – you still have feelings for her.”

Lexa was just about to explain the situation, when she heard a growl of repeated ‘No’s’ from a few feet away. She turned around and immediately felt her heartbeat quicken when she saw Clarke standing just out of their earshot, blushing furiously and a second later, running off out of her line of sight. Lexa kept sitting, eyes following the blonde, when Costia cleared her throat and added with an ironic voice. “Theory confirmed.”

Lexa’s head tilted back. “Huh?”

“So what is it? Seen naked or want to see naked?”

Lexa blushed but answered with a steady tone. “It’s not at all like that Costia. Listen, the woman’s name is Clarke Griffin and she’s a food critic, who happened to have written the worst article about my cooking in my career. This job here came as a blessing. Otherwise I would have had to quit as I couldn’t handle the feeling of having failed my boss.”

“Wow, ok. That explains the anger and the yelling. Less juicy but I buy it. What’s with the heart eyes then?”

“The what?”

“Oh Lexa. Remember your eyes? Well, your head can say lots of things, but your heart speaks through your eyes. You at least like her.”

“This is inappropriate.”

“So you’re not denying it? And please, I’m on your side. Love doesn’t know shit about passenger / cruise ship staff prohibitions.”

“Who says anything about love?” Lexa shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “All we do, whenever we cross paths is angrily yell at each other or not speak at all.”

“Ok. How do you feel then?”

“I don’t know. I guess she caught me off guard. For starters, I never thought she was a woman.” Lexa smiled. “A beautiful, sexy woman with a voice that drives me positively crazy. Even when all she used it for was yelling or throwing harsh words at me.” Lexa reclined and went on. “I mean, I guess… I don’t know. Anyway, when I actually wanted to apologise for being a miserable, grudge holding bitch, I learned she’s on the ship to write yet another article. Can you believe that?”

“Ah, that’s why the fate statement.” Costia nodded.

“Nope, that one referred to the fact that she’ll partake in the ‘Remote Island Dinner’. No doubt judging everything I’ll do.”

“Have you talked to her about it?”

“No.”

“How did you come across the information? Shouldn’t it be a secret or so if there’s a critic around?”

“I might have stumbled into a private conversation between Clarke and her friend.”

“God, you do know that if you only know snippets of things, you miss out the big picture?”

Lexa nodded. “Yeah, but there’s nothing to misinterpret. She’s a food critic. I’m the cook.”

“Well, if you ask me, as your new best friend, you should talk to her. Better yet before you go to the island.”

“She makes me so nervous, I already know I’ll screw up knowing she’s there.” Lexa said more to herself than to her audience.

“Because of a possibility of a bad article?” Costia asked and Lexa nodded again. “She could also write a good one. A really good one. Lexa, I haven’t come across a single passenger, who has come to the bar moaning about the food on board. Quite the opposite actually.” Lexa smiled thankfully at the compliment. “Talk to her.” Costia repeated her earlier words.

Lexa looked at her, considering the advice. “I’ll see if I see her again. Otherwise, I guess I can talk to her once we’re back on the ship and she’s not a passenger anymore. I’d feel better, if that was off the table. I feel weird having a heart to heart conversation knowing I should not engage in that way with her anyway.”

“Fair enough.” Costia smiled. “I knew it was a matter of the heart.” She grinned and Lexa pushed her shoulder.

They spent a few more minutes with the bartender complaining about her co-workers, before Lexa had to get back to the kitchen to oversee the preparations.

# ***

Lexa had her hands full as she had come up with a few more creations for the next day. She couldn’t change what fate had in store for her, but she’d damn well fight till her last breath to offer the best of the best this time.

She sank exhaustedly into her bed shortly after midnight, and after a restless night crawled out of it way too early. Although the experience was called a dinner, it would start at lunchtime due to the travel and setup time. Lexa opted for a nice button down shirt and some neat pants under her cooking jacket. Maybe a good appearance would help her further?

The time rushed by, and once the ship had arrived in the home harbour, she had to tell an overexcited Jasper to stay focused and a too calm Monty to get going. They had loaded the smaller boat with everything they needed. From tables and chairs, to cutlery and crockery, to tablecloths and napkins. Now they started to load the food. She might have overdone it a little, considering there were only thirteen people including the crew and herself. Lexa shrugged it off. ‘Better to be prepared.’ She thought and let her gaze travel from her top-notch buffet to a couple walking towards her.

“Don’t look so surprised. I’m a certified genius. I can do anything.” Raven said when she saw Lexa’s face. “Besides, Captain Bryce asked me to assist you as she can’t spare anyone else from her team and she knows I’m awesome. Said something about a quality ride.” She shrugged and hugged Octavia from behind, nuzzling her nose into her neck. “And this one can’t be without me for even a couple of hours.”

“Hahahaha. Very funny. You begged me to come with you instead of spending my day at the beach.” Octavia pushed her playfully. She officially was off duty for this trip as the passengers started to leave the ship and the sports facilities were closed.

They had another few minutes before the few people having booked the additional experience were expected, and Lexa made everyone come together.

“Ok, listen up guys. A success for this trip is really important. I can’t tell you why, but we need to make sure, all the customers are happy and satisfied. Give them your undivided attention.” Lexa looked at Monty and Jasper. “You guys make sure to constantly be available for any reasonable requests.” She looked at Raven. “Don’t kill us.” When her glance fell on Octavia and her big grin, she sighed. ‘Of course they have something up their sleeves’, she thought. She had seen her and Raven talking to the older woman the previous day, who had spent time with Clarke. “Could you please behave and not do whatever you have planned?” The cook tried.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The sporty brunette said and winked at Lexa.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” Lexa huffed out. “Please everyone give your best.”

They nodded and Octavia went over to Raven followed by Lexa. “Guys, I really appreciated your words a few nights ago and I wanted to talk to Clarke but it seemed her being on this trip has been less a ‘fate induced’ coincidence than merely a job assignment.”

“You should have talked to her. She’s not here to judge you.” Octavia said with a hint of annoyance.

“What?” Lexa looked at her confused, urging her to explain her words.

Raven put her arm around Lexa and pulled her closer. “Well, Betty had told us, that Clarke had told her, that -”

“They’re coming.” Jasper interrupted and pointed at the group of people approaching them.

Lexa’s head turned sharply at the announcement and she stood a little straighter upon seeing three couples and Betty and Clarke walking over. Despite all her promises to herself to act strictly professional, she couldn’t help feeling her heart pick up pace and the whoosh of air leaving her lungs when she saw the loose fitting, thin summer dress Clarke was wearing with a small smile directed at Betty surrounded by blonde locks. ‘Damn, she’s gorgeous.’ She thought when she felt an elbow in her side.

“Oh right. Um, welcome to the ‘Remote Island Dinner’. My name is Lexa Woods, I’m the chef of the ‘Adventure of the Seas’ and I’ll be hoping my team and I will give you a ‘once in a lifetime’ experience today.” She stepped forward and shook hands with each person. “Hello. Welcome.”

When she reached Clarke she hesitated for a moment, seeing the insecurity in the other woman’s eyes. She watched her for a moment wondering what Octavia and Raven had meant by she wasn’t here to judge her. The blonde’s hands were tightly interwoven in each other in front of the blonde’s body, so Lexa settled on a simple “Hi” and a tiny smile. Clarke on the other hand replaced her uncertainty with a frown. ‘What the hell?’

When Lexa had finished, she stepped back to leave it to Raven and Octavia to give the safety talk. The harbour was buzzing with people. Crew and passengers alike where trying to catch taxis or find their relatives or friends who had come to pick them up. The small boat in the shadow of the big ship left a few minutes later. They were heading into the maze of the Puerto Rico archipelago. The couples sat down on couches under a roof offering shade whilst Betty and Clarke walked up to the top and joined Raven and Octavia.

“Wow, how come you know how to manoeuvre a yacht?” Clarke asked surprised.

“Well, although I work as a mechanic I actually have a boat licence. I’m not a captain though.” She explained, slowly speeding up once they had left the confines of the harbour.

Lexa stood up from her seat on the other side and walked over to her.

“Do you know where to go?”

“Yeah you guys usually go to Cayo Norte, but I got an idea. Have you ever been to Cayo Luis Peña? It’s not owned by anyone such as the other island. Besides, it’s a secret paradise not too many tourists know of. I don’t think any water taxis are going over at the moment, I’m sure we’ll be really remote.”

“Sounds good to me as long as we’re able to put everything up?” Lexa asked leaning in closely to be heard over the noise of the motor and the airflow.

“Sure, heading to the west side of the island. There’s plenty of white sandy beach.”

With that Lexa climbed down and settled with the couples to do some polite small talk, whilst Monty and Jasper took care to keep the liquids flowing and the moods happy. The four ladies on top of the yacht chatted along as well, being interrupted only by the two waiters. After one and half hours and a few islands left and right, Raven slowed the yacht and slowly approached the shore. It was breathtakingly beautiful and everyone on the ship was ‘oohing and aahing’.

“Well done.” Lexa said once Octavia had dropped the anchor and the boat was secured. All five crewmembers started immediately unloading all the equipment. Clarke had stepped down to help, but was greeted by Lexa’s smile.

“Relax.” She said, hoping the blonde wouldn’t take offense by the polite decline of her offer.

Once the deck was cleared of tables and chairs, the passengers were helped down and onto the island to explore.

“Don’t go too far.” Raven explained once everyone was on shore. “This island is part of a nature reservoir, which means you are the guest. Please don’t threaten any animal or destroy any nature. Don’t drop your waste, we have enough trash bags. So, Lexa?”

“Um yeah, a small lunch will be offered in an hour and afterwards you can go snorkelling or sun bathing. Dinner will be at six in the evening and we’ll be leaving after sunset.”

Everyone nodded and walked off to explore, but Clarke and Betty waited for Octavia and Raven who had said they’d be available shortly to spend time with them.

“Um, Lexa? Here’s the passenger list. I found it with my stuff behind the wheel.” Raven handed her the list and walked off.

“Wait, what?” Lexa stopped her. “Why do you have the list? It was supposed to stay with the Adventure of the Sea so they know who is participating.”

“Well, we are anyway not where they think we are.” Raven shrugged it off. “Relax.”

“NO.” Lexa exclaimed and made everyone turn his or her head to her, and Raven stepped closer to her.

“What’s the matter?”

“Raven, I’m really sorry but you need to go back and bring the list to Captain Bryce or the Reception.”

“Why? They know about this trip, or?”

“Um, yeah… I mean. Not entirely. I might have left it open if we’re going or not and told them I’d drop off the list, if we’re going.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Cos I wasn’t sure I’d want to do it.” The cook said, her eyes were flitting over to Clarke.

“Great.” Raven mumbled angrily but understood the situation. “I’ll be back later to pick you up. O you wanna come or stay?”

Octavia smiled apologetically at Clarke and Betty but walked closer to Raven. “I’ll come with you.”

Lexa nodded and thanked them and turned back towards Monty and Jasper to start the lunch preparations.

After half an hour they had finished and turned back to the remaining group, when Lexa saw Raven jumping back down from the boat onto the island. She hadn’t realised they were still here.

“What?” She yelled, jogging over.

“Bad news. We ran out of gas.”

“What?” Lexa felt panic rising in her.

“No gas. I can’t leave.”

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo... I've been waiting to come to this part in the story since the beginning. Hahahahaha... I guess there are worse things than being stranded in paradise with a unbelievable amount of groceries and nice company... I guess... I've never been on a remote island. At night. Without a place to sleep. Well that sounds interesting, don't you think?
> 
> Thanks for reading and to everyone who had/has/will comment/ed or send/t kudos my way. It's awesome and I strive for more. See you soon.


	6. Chapter 6

"What?" Lexa looked at Raven with big eyes mouth wide agape. Raven let her eyes wander from Octavia to Clarke to Betty and back to Lexa who still stared at her.

"Um." She stopped and licked her lips. "We. Have. No. Gas." She repeated her statement stressing each word.

They stared at each other without another word. Before Lexa could repeat her one syllable expression of shock for a fourth time, Clarke stepped closer asking for clarification. "What exactly is it you're saying, Raven?"

"Well, it looks like the instrumentation is broken as I'm sure the index needle of the tank was on full when we left, but now it's empty and we can't go back to the mothership."

"Ok. So we wait, enjoy the day and the food and by the time we are expected back they'll realise we're not there and send out a search party." The blonde concluded. "Right?"

"Almost." Raven looked at Lexa before sighing and turning to address the whole group. "Due to a miscommunication between the Captain and the Chef, the Adventure of the Sea doesn't know we left."

"At all?" Betty asked nervously.

"At all."

A murmur went through the small group and after a while all eyes were fixed on Lexa.

"What are you going to do about it?" Clarke asked the question everyone else was thinking. Lexa stared at her, eyes wide with uncertainty and fear, before she masked her feelings and lowered her head. Another moment passed by with no one moving, when all of sudden Lexa's head shot up and she grinned. "Oh my god! Of course!" Lexa turned to the self-declared genius. "This is just a prank." She then focused her gaze back on the blonde who sported a very confused scowl and continued. "Don't worry. This is a joke." She stated with finality in her voice and a smug smile on her lips.

"Um Lexa? What are doing?" Octavia put a hand on her shoulder and looked at her with a questioning stare.

"Well, I sifted out your little game. See Clarke, I've seen them…" she pointed to Raven, Octavia and Betty, before continuing. "… sticking their heads together yesterday -"

"Oh my god." Clarke interrupted picking up on Lexa's insinuation. She beckoned the four others to follow her out of earshot of the rest of the group before hissing. "Are you guys seriously so interested in us…" She frantically gestured between herself and Lexa. "… talking to each other, that you've staged this whole scenario?" Raven opened her mouth to answer, but Clarke silenced her with a glare. "I can't believe you would drag other people into this." She pointed back to the three couples. "I mean I don't know you two well enough, but I would have expected more professionalism." She scolded the couple before facing Betty. "And you? Well, I should have known."

"Clarke, I had noth -" Betty started but was interrupted by Raven.

"As awesomely funny and truly raven-like this would have been it's not an exercise or joke or game or whatsoever." She whispered with annoyance before cupping her hands around her mouth to address everyone. "We're stuck here at least for two days as that's when the Adventure of the Sea leaves for the next tour and would surely miss their Chef."

"It'll probably be more than two days as they have no clue where we are." Octavia added nodding to herself.

"Not helping." Raven murmured harshly in her ear, making her cringe.

"You're not joking?" Lexa asked carefully.

Raven shook her head. "This is real."

"Fuck my life." Clarke growled and let herself fall onto the beach.

* * *

After everyone had finally understood the graveness of the situation, they had started to walk around the beach with their cell phones in their hands trying to send anything to the outside world to ask for help. However, none of them had come back successful. No signal had been picked up by any of them. Raven had tried to contact the ship, but she too hadn't gotten any signal. Monty had offered to help her find a solution, and the rest of the group had been left to their own devices whilst Lexa and Jasper had started to sort through the food to ration portions for the next days.

"Thank god you're an overachiever." Jasper whispered quietly for only Lexa to hear.

"Pardon me?" She stopped in her tracks and glared at him angrily.

"Well, if you hadn't tried to prepare food for half a platoon we would have been in more trouble than just where to sleep tonight." He clarified.

"I'm not overachieving I'm just thorough." She growled, but resumed with her task.

"Chillax. I'm not criticising, I want to keep my job. I'm merely praising you for your need to be the best."

"Um, thanks. I guess." Lexa stretched out her sore back after having been bent over for the longest time and her eyes fell on Clarke, who tried to build a roof out of dead palm leaves she had found on the beach. The blonde stood over her attempt, brows furrowed adoringly and her lower lip trapped between her teeth. She scratched her lower arm deeply in thought and Lexa couldn't avert her eyes. She was mesmerized at how someone could look so serious and determined, whilst doing something so completely out of their depth that it was almost sad to watch them trying whilst being breathtakingly beautiful. Lexa smiled softly and slowly walked over to the annoyed woman. "Need help?" She asked hopefully.

"Need a boat!" Clarke scoffed back, clearly frustrated with the outcome of her work.

"You look like you could use two more hands." Lexa tried again unsure why she bothered as the blonde made it clear she didn't want her company.

"What I really need is to understand what the hell is going on. Yesterday you wanted to kill me in paradise and today we're buddies under the Caribbean sun? You're giving me whiplash." Clarke growled and turned towards her, crossing her arms over her chest waiting for an explanation.

Lexa looked unaffected by the blonde's words. She stood with her hands clasped behind her back and a small smile played at her lips and crinkled her eyes. "I never wanted to kill you." She negated with a hint of amusement and marvelled at the displayed fierceness.

"Whatever." The blonde huffed, irritated at the friendliness in front of her.

"Well, do you want my help or not?" Lexa made no effort in further explaining herself.

"No. Go play with the melons, I'm a big girl and can handle myself." Clarke let her hands fall to the side.

"Fine." Lexa kept smiling, but it didn't reach her eyes anymore. She nodded once and walked off. Clarke's gaze followed her all the way to where Jasper was stacking the fruit.

"What the hell?"

"What is it dear?" Betty had come over from her spot in the shade and caught Clarke's curse.

"Nothing, and I don't want to talk to you."

"What have **I** done? You'd be here anyway with or without my presence. I haven't kidnapped you or forced you into this either. And we both know I had nothing to do with the boat or the situation."

Clarke sighed long and loudly. She was so fed up with everyone at the moment. All she wanted to do was take a shower and curl up in her bed and forget any feelings and dramas and tragedies. "I know. I'm sorry." She whispered.

"Sweetheart. What's really bothering you? Are you afraid? I'm sure we're safe."

Clarke looked at her intensely, trying to figure out the answer to the question. "I'm not afraid. Well not really." She smiled at the raised eyebrow of the smaller woman in front of her. "I'm just so confused."

"About what?"

"About her." Clarke moved her head subtly into the general direction of Lexa whilst scratching her face. "She's confusing."

"What has she done?"

"Well for starters she's nice."

"Oh right. We despise kind people."

"Not funny. Don't you have to relax somewhere?" Clarke gently pushed past her and walked to the other side of her craft project.

"I can relax anywhere." Betty shrugged and sat down into the soft sand. "Tell me why her being nice confuses you. I thought you'd be delighted. I thought you wanted to talk to her."

"I know, but she was so angry the last time we spoke and then there's Costia and aaaaaargh." Clarke exclaimed loudly and angrily kicked some of the leaves sticking out of her construction.

"What has any of this got to do with the bartender?" Betty smiled warmly and Clarke grimaced slightly but explained further.

"I saw them talking yesterday."

"And?"

"And… I didn't like it." Clarke buried her feet into the sand and plopped down hiding her face in her hands. "I might have the tiniest of tiny crushes on Lexa." She finally admitted.

"Really?" Betty sounded genuinely surprised, but the blonde saw the half grin and mirth on her features through her fingers.

"So let me see if I got you right so far. You are jealous of Costia because you've fallen for Lexa?" Clarke didn't move a muscle, so the older woman continued. "Silence is agreement, right?"

"Maybe." Was the whispered reply and Betty inched closer to wrap an arm around her younger friend.

"We'll take the maybe and go from there." She swayed them lightly and Clarke finally lowered her hands to look at her.

"Promise you'll keep this to yourself?"

"Promise you'll talk to Lexa?"

"I can't."

"Why?"

Clarke kept quiet again because the idea to talk to the chef about her feelings made her so nervous that she felt sick.

"Can I say something?" Betty interrupted the silence once more.

"Since when do you ask?" Clarke scoffed with a smile, which Betty returned with a wink.

"Maybe she being nice and friendly is her way of making a step towards you? Maybe you should stop saying what you don't want her to hear, and start telling her what you want her to know?"

"I hate you all. How's that?" Clarke grinned. "I'm trying this new honesty thing with you first."

"No you don't. You love me and you love her. Tell her."

"She doesn't feel the same."

"How do you know? Has she told you that?"

"Her actions speak for themselves."

"Oh let me see. She is smiling at you, which in itself is an outrageous thing to expose you to…" Betty counted on her hand smirking. "Aaaand, she's offering her help, how dare she." She finished pretending to be annoyed. "Yes I can see how much she must dislike you."

"Betty." Clarke wined. "Don't be so awfully sarcastic."

"I can't help it. You bring this side out in me."

"Do you really think she doesn't hate me?" Clarke's voice was just above a whisper and her eyes were fixed on the brunette a few meters away, a sliver of hope tinting the blue.

Lexa had just managed to start a fire and was sat with a stick in her hand, poking the small sticks and dry leaves, when she looked up and over to the two women. Her face showed surprise when she realised they had been watching her, but just as quickly a smile replaced the wonderment. Betty watched the brunette for another moment before turning her focus back on Clarke. "I can see she doesn't hate you."

* * *

It had taken Clarke a while, but in the end she had created a thick roof, which she had stuck onto strong branches. With some help the improvised cover had been lifted up and positioned closer to the fire.

She now cowered in the shallow water and cleaned her hands and feet and soothed her overused skin. She sighed softly, contentment filling her body. She was aware of the rather dangerous situation the group was in. Of course she knew they would be in serious trouble if they weren't found soon, but she couldn't shake off the excitement for the unexpected adventure either. Before her job had taken her onto the ship, Clarke had already debated with herself for a few months whether to stay or get up and leave. She had been unhappy with her day to day activity. It had bored her, but the indecisiveness of what else she could do had kept her rooted to the job. The trip had brought some newness to the old tracks she had felt herself moving in, but at the end of the day, the blonde realised in this moment, she had lost her bite and appetite. Maybe this little hiatus from life could give her the chance to find out what really made her happy.

"You look like you're contemplating the best method to achieve world dominance." Octavia crouched down next to her. "Care to share?"

"It's not the day for that Pinky." Clarke chuckled.

Octavia grinned, but sobered almost immediately. "You ok though?"

"Surprisingly, yes. Are you guys alright?"

"I've been a scout. I've spent my youth camping in the wilderness. I'm fine. Raven? Not so sure." Octavia laughed out. "The mastermind is afraid of nature and we're facing a night exposed to it. Doesn't sit well with her. Although thanks to you we at least have some kind of roof over our heads."

"No problem." Clarke smiled quickly before adding. "I can try to settle her mind?"

"Nah, she'll be alright. I'll save her from whatever."

"Aaaah." Clarke cooed. "Aren't you two sickeningly sweet?"

"Speaking of, I want you to know that we had nothing to do with this. We had thought of lots of things to get you guys talking again, but we never would have endangered anyone like this."

"I believe you." They sat in silence for a heartbeat, before the blonde spoke up again. "Just out of curiosity, what were your plans?"

"That's need to know. I can't possibly tell." Octavia grinned, but quickly got up and backed away when Clarke started to splash water at her.

* * *

"This could actually work Monty. You're brilliant. Why do you work in a caboose?" Raven exclaimed happily and slapped him on his back.

"Ouch. Easy." He complained but smiled. "Let's get it up then."

"Um, not sure you've noticed, but I can't climb up there." Raven pointed to her brace.

"I'm afraid of heights." He revealed reluctantly.

"Fuck." Raven exclaimed loudly and slammed one hand against the steering wheel in front of her. "What is the best plan worth if you can't make it happen?"

"What's wrong? Is the radio still not working?" Lexa had climbed onto the yacht to inquire the status.

"Well, we don't really know because we don't get through."

"Yeah but we thought we could get this -" Monty held up a thin metal rod they had screwed off the railing. "… up the mast to increase our chances to pick up and sent out a signal."

"But? This sounds doable." Lexa stated.

"We don't know how to get it up there."

"Seriously?" Lexa's gaze flickered from one to the other before she pointed to the makeshift antenna and beckoned Monty to hand it over to her.

"Are you getting up there?" He asked in surprise.

"Well it's not gonna get up there on its own, is it?" She turned to Raven with a grim smile and muttered. "Tell me, genius, what do I have to do with it?"

They explained to her where they thought she should try to attach the rod and Raven handed her a backpack she usually used for day trips. She had stuffed everything inside needed for the task.

"Wow, did you guys give me a tent as well?" Lexa joked whilst hoisting the bag onto her back. When both stared at her silently, she cleared her throat. "Jeez, don't tease the geeks." She muttered, before stretching her legs a little.

* * *

"What the hell are they up to?" Clarke stopped chasing after Octavia who had tried to run away from her and pointed to the yacht.

"The fuck I know." The brunette muttered and walked closer.

They watched Lexa stretch and then walk backwards as far as she could to seconds later run towards the mast and jump up to reach the lowest branch, where the sail had been wrapped around. She pulled herself up and settled for a breather onto the metal beam. Monty and Raven applauded and she winked down, before focusing back on the task at hand. The modern yacht had no net or strings she could use to pull herself up to the next level. All she had to work with was a round metal rod. Lexa slowly walked along the lowest interconnection she was currently stood on, towards the middle. She wrapped her fingers around the centre beam, before jumping up and wrapping her feet around to trap the pole between her thighs. She then pushed herself up the bar with her feet and arms, her naked skin firmly connected with the metal. She paused once more on the fourth level and looked down. Every pair of eyes was focused on her, but hers zoomed in on the blonde who looked up at her with one hand shielding her face from the sun and the other covering her mouth. She smiled confidently and resumed her task reaching the top another moment later.

"Try to make the antenna the highest point." Raven yelled from the ground.

"Easier said than done!" Lexa hollered back manoeuvring herself around to lean against the mast. She took the bag and rummaged through its content for some sticky tape. She needed three attempts to finally secure the thin metal against the thicker one and yelled out in triumph. "Raven, try the radio!" She screamed into the wind, before letting her eyes wander. The view was quite spectacular. Lexa saw neighbouring islands in the far distance and had a good view of their own. The wind was strong and she had to hold on tightly to make sure to stay safe. One moment of negligence and she could fall all the way down onto the deck. She shuddered at the thought and clung even stronger to the metal skeleton.

"Eureka!" Monty's exclamation reached her before Raven's "Yes!", and she grinned at the joy. The rest of the group cheered once they'd understood.

"You can come down now and feed us." Raven screamed up with a smirk.

"You're high maintenance, Reyes." Lexa rolled her eyes but smiled.

"Don't ask O." Raven admitted with a grin.

Lexa laughed out and the sound was carried all the way to Clarke and Octavia who were now stood at the shore. Clarke grinned like a fool at the joy of the cook high above their heads.

"That's a beautiful laugh." She whispered.

Octavia turned to her with a big grin and opened her mouth, but was interrupted before she could speak. "Don't you dare. I'm just quoting the obvious." Clarke mumbled, embarrassed she had said her thoughts out loud.

"Sure you do." Octavia still grinned and wadded the short distance in shallow water to climb onto the boat to talk her girlfriend. Lexa slid down the beam and jumped the last meter, landing on board with a thump next to the small group. "Well done." Octavia clapped her on the back and Lexa turned to Raven and Monty. "So? When are they coming?"

"Who?"

"Have you not talked to someone to come and pick us up?" Lexa asked confused.

"No we haven't reached anyone yet."

"Try another frequency?"

"I've literally run through all of them. No one is active at the moment." Monty answered this time, seeing as Raven was about to lose her patience.

"Will you guys keep trying to reach someone?" The cook tried one last time. She felt responsible for the situation and wanted to make sure they were picked up rather sooner than later.

"Sure, but seeing as it's past siesta on a Friday and we haven't been able to contact anyone…" Raven trailed off, knowing she didn't need to finish the sentence. The four nodded gloomily and Octavia and Lexa jumped off the boat once more heading back to the shore, where the rest of the group sat and waited. After Octavia had left, Clarke had taken off to walk along the waterfront, dipping her feet into the water now and then.

"Have you spoken to her yet?" Octavia asked and both looked over to the blonde.

"When would I have had the time for that?" Lexa spat out more forcefully than needed.

"Don't let your frustration out on me." Octavia pushed her slightly. "I was just asking." They reached the beach and she followed Lexa to the impromptu kitchen, Jasper and her had arranged earlier.

"Sorry." Lexa mumbled and started to prepare the meat to put it over the fire.

"So I take it you haven't?"

"Do you ever give up Octavia?" Lexa asked, but looked at Clarke, who now sat, arms wrapped tightly around her body, watching the sun setting.

"Not when I see love."

Lexa whipped her head around so quickly Octavia flinched in surprise. "There's no love between her and me. I think she's a beautiful person and I'm going…" She paused insecurely, but went on after a long exhale. "I'm going so far as to say inside and out. Anything else, I cannot know as I haven't had the pleasure to get to know her." The words started with a fierce voice, but ended in a sad mumble.

"Well, it's only your head which has to get to know her. Once you start talking to her maybe your heart will be able to make you understand what we've all been seeing for a few days."

"And what is it you all think you see?" Lexa asked with an amused expression. She's not one to believe in gossip, but was interested nevertheless. At the end of the day, they have spent more time with Clarke.

Octavia smiled but shook her head. "Nope, not gonna spoil the grand finale." She helped lifting the improvised grill over the flames and stood up fully. "Talk to her." She said before finally walking off to help Jasper setting the tables.

"Why me? She can come and talk to me too." Lexa whispered whilst poking the fire, but eventually she sighed and stood up. When she looked over Clarke was still in the same spot, and the orange and red hue of the sunset was reflected in her hair. She looked serene and at peace. Lexa really didn't want to disturb her, but she also really wanted to see her face, which was turned away from her. She could only imagine how the warm colours looked on the beautiful woman. Before Lexa realised she had walked over, she already sat down next to Clarke and stirred her effectively out of her reverie.

"Don't you have dinner to take care of?" Clarke asked calmly.

"I do." Lexa answered somewhat disappointed. She had hoped the blonde would be less annoyed. "I'm sorry." She said after another moment of silence.

"For what?" Clarke looked carefully at her.

"For not giving you a chance to explain." She said with conviction.

"Explain what? My article six months ago or why I'm on board?" Clarke huffed out, annoyed at herself for feeling trapped. She should be happy Lexa had come to give her the opportunity to tell her her side of the story, but she only realised how impossible her feelings for the brunette were. She was annoyed at herself.

"Both? Neither? I don't know." Lexa rambled and sighed. "I just wanted you to know I'm sorry for how it all went down."

"Listen." Clarke said and turned to face her, inhaling slowly before speaking again. "Six month ago, you should know, I only did the job I was paid for. I'm sorry you had a bad time that day, but I only judged what I was presented with." Clarke shook her head at Lexa who had opened her mouth, eager to get her own words out. "No, please let me finish." Lexa nodded and urged her silently to continue. "My words weren't meant to hurt anyone. I agree, it wasn't a review a star restaurant or star chef was used to, but it was also not a complete disaster, if I remember correctly." She sighed, playing with the sand. "All I did was my job. All I do, is my job." She stressed the last sentence wanting Lexa to understand, that if she had a chance she wouldn't have written that review. "You blamed me for being here to judge you again and I understand this isn't to your liking." Clarke smiled at Lexa who sat restlessly next to her. "But as a star cook you should be immune to that. It shouldn't matter who eats your food, you should know it's great." She smiled sadly. "Cos it is." Clarke locked eyes with Lexa before she continued. "I came on board and all I did was compliment your food and all I got in return was hostility. I know my critique was harsh, but it wasn't personal. You made it personal." She finished still looking at the other woman, who slowly began to nod without breaking eye contact.

"If you put it like that, you're right. It's my fault completely." Lexa eventually agreed in a quiet voice. "I hope you can accept my apology." She added after a heartbeat and stood up. "I'm sorry for interrupting your sunset."

Clarke watched her walking back over to the fire, feeling her emotions running rampant inside of her. She didn't mean to make Lexa shoulder the whole responsibility of the situation. She surely hadn't handled the confrontations too well either. This was not how she wanted the conversation to end.

She sighed and followed her. "You're annoying when you're like that."

"What do you mean?" Lexa looked up from the meat and her eyes were moist.

"Lexa? Are you ok?" Clarke stepped closer.

"Yeah, yeah. It's the smoke." She replied wiping over her face. They stood close, each searching for clues or signs in the other's eyes of how to precede, how to treat the situation.

"I'm sorry too." Clarke finally whispered, her glance jumping between Lexa's eyes and her mouth. She stepped back and settled down on the other side of the fire, not trusting herself in the moment to be reasonable in her actions.

Lexa let go of the air she had been holding in, when Clarke had been so deliciously close. She could smell her shampoo and wanted nothing more than to bury her nose in the other woman's neck to inhale more of her scent.

"I guess we're both sorry." She laughed out nervously, looking at Clarke over the dancing flames. "What did you mean with I'm annoying?"

The blonde lowered her gaze and stared into the fire for a moment, before speaking again. "I meant you're annoying when you're taking all the blame, when you're accepting, that the world's pain is your doing."

"I've blamed you for it for a long time. You just offered me a change of perspective." Lexa whispered. "I never wanted to hate you. Well I did, but that was before I met you."

"I understand." Clarke nodded with a sad smile on her face.

"I don't hate you though. I hated Clarke Griffin the food critique, but I never hated Clarke Griffin the passenger."

"I can't blame you for hating the hater." Clarke smiled timidly feeling the warmth spreading through her body at Lexa's words. 'If she doesn't hate me, I might have a chance?'

"You're not a hater per se." Lexa smiled again. "I admit I find it rather difficult to handle bad reviews." She grinned and shrugged. "It hurts as cooking is my passion and even though I know I hadn't given my everything on that day you stopped by, I'd still tried to fix it. It had been a mad day."

"I'm sure you did." Clarke nodded. "But this is what you were blaming me for. It hadn't been me who'd made it a mad day, I'd just stumbled upon the craziness."

Lexa looked up from her work and stared at the blonde for a long moment. "You know, it's petty but I honestly never understood how my food could only be consumed when being drunk." Lexa said silently lowering her head once more.

"Did I write that?" Clarke looked at her with regret written all over her face.

"That and then some." Lexa didn't look up again; she was focused on the meat.

"I'm sorry I caused you pain. I made it even worse, I guess."

"Yeah. Well it's in the past."

"What happened afterwards?" Clarke had never considered the impact of her words. Had never once thought about how her words might have been received and whether they had had a real impact on the restaurant. She only ever had thought they would try to do better.

"I quit my job and moved away."

"All because of me?" Clarke felt tears welling up, but she gulped them down.

"Um, what do you want me to say?" Lexa finally looked up and saw Clarke's face full of remorse. She swallowed her actual words and continued in a calm way. "Listen, this might have been due to your critique, but I should have left earlier. I needed a change, I needed new challenges. It was good while it lasted, but a fresh breath was what helped me find happiness. So please, Clarke." She walked over to the other woman and kneeled in front of her. "You said so yourself, this is your job and you're good at it." She smiled hopefully. "I know a good Griffin review is like an accolade." She winked and got up. "I'm sorry to cut it short, but dinner is ready."

"Oh god, no worries. Do your thing, please." Clarke stood up too. "Can I help?"

Lexa looked at her before shaking her head. "No, thank you. I've got people here who are paid for helping me. Please relax."

Clarke sighed loudly. "I'm not here to judge you." She stepped closer once more. "I've filled in for a colleague who usually does the vacation critiques. Your food is an added bonus."

Lexa furrowed her head, but nodded her understanding, when Clarke continued. "I understand your hesitation, but in this situation I think you should accept help if you get any. Right now, I'm not a passenger much less a critique and you're not the chef. We are two women who are stranded on an island. Let's forget the past and focus on the present. Deal?" She held out her hand, a gesture to start over again. Lexa's gaze quickly wandered from the blonde's face down to her arm and back up again, before she slowly put her own hand into the offered one. When their skin touched both realised that it was the first time they ever shared a physical connection. Clarke blushed deeply at the heat chasing up her arm and settling deep in her belly, whilst Lexa looked like she'd been struck by lightning, but after a moment their hands shook properly and both women couldn't help their smiles growing bigger and bigger.

"Deal." Lexa whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanna quickly thank my girlfriend for proofing and everyone for the awesome feedback the story has so far generated. You guys are truly great and I love writing because of you. So please keep reviewing or if you feel inspired I'd love some drawings or paintings. That would truly make me crazily happy. Until next time.


	7. CHapter 7

She still wouldn't let Clarke help her.

"I've got this. Sit down." She pointed to the area they had cleared and prepped with the tables and chairs they had brought along.

"Fine." The blonde huffed, annoyed. "Don't complain though."

"I never have, have I?" Lexa threw over her shoulder, busy plating the dinner for the rest of the group. Clarke stared at her for what felt like eternity as it hit her that indeed, being confronted and humiliated by her article, Lexa had never formally complained.

"Why not?"

"Huh?"

"Why didn't you? My email address is printed at the end of each review."

"What would that have looked like? Reprimanded chef strikes out due to unfair article?" She asked with a scowl.

"Right." Clarke whispered, realising more and more the awful situation she had put Lexa in. "I'm really sorry."

"You're repeating yourself." Lexa said stepping past the blonde to head to the table. "Let's eat."

Clarke blinked a few times but eventually nodded and followed her.

They ate whilst discussing how to handle the night. Except for Octavia no one had previous experiences of camping. "We have some towels we can use as blankets." She suggested to the group. "It's not wise to sleep on the ground on the island due to bugs and flies. I think everyone should settle on the boat. We got a few couches. Why don't you pick straws to see who gets one?"

"We could set a timer and half way through the night, we switch so everyone can sleep for a little." Raven offered.

"Maybe we could take the cushions and spread them in a way it allows more to sleep on? This way we don't have to switch." Lexa proposed and received a few nods of approval.

"Ok. Yeah, but please don't destroy the boat." Raven grimaced. "Better let me have a look first." She stood up and made her way over to the yacht, whilst the passengers finished their dinner, thanking Lexa for preparing it.

Jasper and Monty cleared the tables and started washing the dishes, when Clarke quietly crouched down and helped.

"So, what's your story?" Jasper asked her, not having had the pleasure to talk to Clarke before.

"Unsuccessful artist turned journalist." She grinned. "Yours?"

"Unsuccessful cockroach turned human." He replied.

"Um what?"

"Been living on the street for half my life until Monty here helped me back on my feet."

"And by living he means whining and complaining about the system, which had taken everything away from him, had let him down and had left him alone." Monty added cheekily.

"Hey." Jasper pushed his friend playfully. "Don't pretend I haven't served your Mother Theresa syndrome."

"Ok. Ok." Clarke laughed. "How did you guys end up on the ship?"

"We've been hanging out at the docks for a while and one day we saw an advertisement for jobs." Monty shrugged nonchalantly. "Applied and ended up in service. Anyway." He stood up and gestured to them to hand over the cleaned items. "What was your art?"

"Drawing and painting." Clarke followed suit and all three slowly walked up the beach when she elaborated. "A few rough months were enough for me to understand I wasn't meant to be an artist."

"Ah, yeah I get you." Jasper whistled.

"Yeah, life can be hard." Monty nodded.

Clarke smiled and shrugged, before turning to Lexa, who had come over to help them storing away the kitchenware. "All cleaned."

"Thank you." She replied sweetly, when Octavia and Raven walked over to them as well.

"Ok. We managed to create a lounge for at least ten to sleep on, which leaves us three spots short."

"I'll take care of the fire." Lexa offered.

"You can't stay up all night?" Clarke protested immediately.

"I don't mind, but I'm sure the shipping company minds if the passengers were kept awake or uncomfortable throughout the whole ordeal." All four crew members nodded soberly.

"She's right. I'll join you." Octavia offers with a soft clap on the chef's back.

"Me too." Raven said hugging her girlfriend. "If you're not there to protect me, I'll be where you are." She explained further, nuzzling into the warmth of the other body.

"Me three." Clarke stepped up, head high.

"Clarke. No -" Lexa instantly rejected the blonde's offer.

"This isn't up for negotiation." She interrupted her, crossing her arms over her chest. "This way you guys can get some sleep as well."

Clarke, can I…" Lexa took hold of her elbow and led her a few feet away from the group. "Why are you doing this?"

"I already explained."

"We are already three people." Lexa sighed at the stubbornness. "You should rest as long as you can."

"You are not responsible for the situation Lexa, and you guys are not on the clock anymore. You need to rest as well."

"I'll always be responsible for the passengers."

"No one is a passenger anymore. We had that already."

"Well, ok." Lexa turned and stood next to Clarke. "Look at them." She pointed discreetly to the three couples and Betty still sat at the table and talking. "Did you see any of them get up to help? No, and quite frankly they didn't have to. This…" She swung her arm in a big circle. "This is on us, well me. It's my fault that we're in this situation. So please, Clarke. Don't pretend it's not."

The blonde watched her closely and opened her mouth, but closed it without another sound. She nodded instead and walked back to the small group of crew members. "Well, I haven't been a regular guest to start with. I'm watching the fire too." She said with finality in her voice.

"God damnit." Lexa swore under her breath. "Fine then."

They walked back to the rest of the stranded group and informed them about how they were going to spend the night. No one complained and instead after another half an hour the couples made their way back onto the yacht to settle for the night, accompanied by the other four crew members.

Clarke was sitting next to Lexa at the fire when Betty stopped by.

"I just want to say thank you." She looked at Lexa who smiled in surprise.

"Betty. You don't have to. Do you need help getting on the boat?" She was already standing, offering her hand.

"Oh my dear. Aren't you just sweet? Isn't she sweet Clarke? She's a keep -."

"Yes Betty. Thanks for your input." The blonde interrupted before Betty could finish and her cheeks flushed and she could have sworn she saw the start of a smirk form on the brunette's lips.

"Anyway, as I said. Thank you for providing excellent food under such circumstances. None of the other passengers complained." She laughed. "Thank you for keeping us safe. I guess this is probably not part of your contract." She winked.

"No Betty, it's not, but -."

"But you're a good person who accepts responsibility even though it's not her fault."

Lexa chose to remain silent. She had been arguing about this very fact too often already.

"I know what happened, but I think this whole thing is fate. Who knows why we're stranded?" Betty added and walked a few feet away before turning around once more. "Maybe you two find out why you are here." She waved goodnight and was quickly swallowed by the darkness outside the area illuminated by the fire.

"I'm sorry." Clarke laughed. "She believes everything has a reason."

"Maybe it does." Lexa answered solemnly.

"You believe in fate?"

"Why not? It's easy to succumb to the idea that you aren't the driver of your life."

"That means you can't control what's happening to you."

"Well, you don't have to be passive. You can voice your opinion and make fate take a U-turn and shortcut, but at the end of the day you're still in the same car i.e. your body and you're still heading to the same destination i.e. death. It's the path which is the journey and why not believe you've got stops you're meant to rest at?"

"So you honestly think your path is predestined with stations you will pass, but you decide how and when you reach them?"

"Maybe?" Lexa squinted at her. "Is that so hard to believe?"

"No." Clarke mumbled quietly. "I just never thought of it that way. It's interesting." She stopped talking for a moment and Lexa turned back to watch the fire, when Clarke spoke up again. "Does that mean, you could have decided too early to pull over at a particular stop? Like it's part of the journey but not quite yet?"

"Possible. Does that make sense to you?"

"Very." She nodded, gaze fixated on the flames dancing in front of her. "Do you think you could come back later and the stop is finally right?"

"I have the feeling we're not talking about fate in general anymore?" Lexa replied instead of answering.

"No we're not." Clarke smiled shyly, but didn't address her thoughts any further.

"Just making sure." Lexa smiled softly, not pushing her to elaborate either.

They sat in silence for a long time, soaking up the warmth provided by the fire and marvelling at the sounds from the burning wood. Once in a while they heard rustling in the nearby bushes or a crow of a bird above their heads and Lexa calmed Clarke each time by saying, "it's just a monkey" or "it's only a macaw".

"How do you know?" The blonde asked after the fifth cracking of dried wood. "That one sounded heavier and really close." She turned in her seat and tried to make out anything in the dark.

"I don't, but the alternatives aren't pleasant."

"What?" Clarke jumped up from her side and walked around to plop down next to Lexa, facing the island.

"You don't have to be scared, but you also don't have to be here." She nodded towards the boat.

"You want to get rid of me?"

"I didn't say that, did I?"

"Well, you just said -."

"- Is that your way of distracting yourself? Picking a fight?"

Clarke remained quiet and pouted at being called out. To be honest, she hated not knowing what was in the unknown blackness surrounding them. Her imagination had always been rather creative. So much so that her dad had encouraged her to pursue art and explore the crazy side of her sub consciousness.

Lexa watched her closely and saw a variety of micro expressions flitting over her face. "You ok?"

Instead of an answer she turned her head to look at the brunette. Her intense gaze made the other woman raise an eyebrow and Clarke averted her eyes a moment later. "I'm sorry." She suddenly whispered.

"For what are you sorry now?" Lexa breathed out, amusement obvious in her voice.

"For picking a fight."

"Oh my god, you need to stop saying sorry for things which aren't apology-worthy." She huffed.

Clarke smiled with a nod. "Alright then, what's the wildlife in Puerto Rico like?" She picked up the topic once more after hearing another sound.

"You're safe. I promise."

"Are you avoiding answering?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Cos I'm not sure you want to hear it."

"Try me?"

"Ok, but don't come cuddling later… I mean you can cuddle… with me… I just don't want you to do it because you're scared… I mean, I don't want you to feel you have to in order to not be scared any more … but cuddles are ok… in general…"

"Lexa?" Clarke grinned brightly from ear to ear at the rambling.

"Huh?" Lexa looked at her with wide green eyes.

"What other animals are there?"

Lexa blushed profusely but didn't avoid eye contact this time. "Well, besides smallish animals like lizards, iguanas, toads, frogs and snakes, I've been told you can find monkeys, sloths, wild cats such as jaguars, margays, ocelots and pumas aaaand…" She paused with a grin. "Caimans and American crocodiles."

"Wow, ok. I wish I hadn't asked. What kind of snakes?" Clarke lifted the towel she was sat on to check for any creatures seeking her body heat.

"You were warned." Lexa laughed out and Clarke was reminded of the same sound reaching her ears like a song earlier that day and she swooned a little more. "Don't worry. Snakes hate the smell of humans."

Clarke gasped out loud. "Are you saying I stink?" She immediately tried to get a whiff of herself, before she was stopped by a laughing Lexa. "You don't smell like a fresh daisy in a summer breeze, but I didn't say you stank."

"I don't think anyone on this island will smell like a summery daisy breeze." She countered with a pout.

"You smell nice actually." Lexa was smiling softly and watched Clarke's pout morph into a sly grin.

"Ok, let me get this right." She cleared her throat and sat up straighter. "You have nothing against cuddling with me and you think I smell nice?" She grinned even more witnessing the blush on the brunette's skin. "Why Lexa, are you flirting with me?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." She deflected and turned around to poke the fire some more. "I need to get new firewood." She huffed out a moment later and disappeared into the darkness.

"I was just teasing." Clarke called out to her but she couldn't make out any movement. "Lexa, come on." She tried again. "I think the same way." She added carefully. She'd love to be cuddled into Lexa right about now. "Lexa?" When she still got no response she rose to her feet and picked up a piece of wood which had started burning at the top. She walked a few meters to where she had seen her last and called out again. "Lexa stop playing games. This is not funny."

"Really?"

Clarke screamed and wielded the branch-turned-torch around to see Lexa dodging the stick by mere centimetres. "Fucking hell."

"Serves you right. You scared the shit out of me." The blonde exclaimed.

"Just thought of distracting you." Lexa shrugged laughingly and dragged a few more branches towards the fire. "How am I supposed to know that you're a journalist by day and a pyro fighter at night?"

"Don't leave me again." Clarke spoke with so much desperation in her voice that Lexa had the fleeting thought she might not be talking about their current situation. 'Ridiculous,' she scolded herself and after a moment went back to her task of nurturing the fire.

When she sat down Clarke took the towel she had sat on earlier and placed it even closer to hers. She then slowly lowered herself whilst checking for anything venomous in her proximity. Finally satisfied she sat down and leaned against Lexa whispering. "Don't you dare take back your offer to cuddle? You owe me for the scare."

"Fair enough." She smirked and put her arm around her shoulder.

"You ok with this?" Clarke asked but cuddled even closer into her, sighing contentedly.

"No worries Clarke." Lexa replied feeling Clarke's hand cling to the shirt tucked in her waistline.

They sat like that for a few more minutes, both staring into the flames, when Lexa spoke up again. "You should rest."

"I'm fine…" Clarke mumbled sleepily. "… just closing my eyes for a few minutes."

A few minutes turned into one hour and Raven groggily slumped down next to Lexa on the other side. "Princess finally knocked out?"

"Don't call her that. She's anything but a princess. I mean…" Lexa looked down softly and silently appreciated the woman sleeping at her shoulder. "She's certainly as beautiful as a fairy tale princess but she's not workshy."

"Nicely put. She told Monty and Jasper earlier that she originally wanted to become an artist, but it must have been too rough."

"Oh." Lexa breathed out.

"Yeah, seems like being a journalist is only second choice."

"Mm." Lexa hummed and they were quiet again until Octavia stumbled along the beach with more firewood in tow.

"I'm here now, if you guys want to rest? There's space, as dumb and dumber are sleeping in the spacious seats up on the bridge.

"I'm good."

"I can see that." She grinned at her.

"I don't want to wake her." Lexa explained.

"Ok." She sat down, still grinning.

"I'd love to tease you right now." Raven piped up after cuddling into Octavia.

"About what?" Lexa looked up confused.

"About the whole scene." She gestured vaguely at the other two. "I mean look at you. I still remember your outburst in the club last week and now you're cuddling all cute."

"That is teasing by my definition." Lexa pressed out between her teeth.

"True." Raven laughed quietly.

"I take it you guys talked?" Octavia asked over the fire.

"Yeah."

"And? Are you any closer to getting to know her?"

"Well." Lexa shifted carefully to not wake Clarke. "A little."

"Give it time."

"Well time isn't exactly on our side now."

They exchanged glances and silence settled over them.

"She reminds me of a rose." Lexa said after a while. At the confused faces of her companions she went on. "Well, you see a rose from the distance and you're struck with its magnificence and it makes you come closer. You look at its perfection and then you see the thorns, but you don't walk away. Even though this rose has pricked you already you keep looking at it, marvelling at its beauty and you try to forget about the pain it has caused and the potential it has to hurt you again, simply because it's pulling you in."

"Wow." Octavia whispered. "That was so beautiful." She smiled softly. "Beautiful and sad at the same time. Which colour is the rose?"

"What?" Lexa looked up in confusion having been lost in watching Clarke's sleeping face.

"Which colour is the rose you're picturing in your mind when you look at her?"

"Red. Why?"

"Remember that when your head collides with your heart again." Octavia answered cryptically, but smiled. "Now you two should get some proper sleep."

Lexa looked at her quizzically, trying to understand what the other was telling her, but eventually gave up. It was too late or actually too early for her brain to be so active. She finally nodded. "Some help?"

All three got up and helped her lift Clarke off the ground, who mumbled unintelligible words, but didn't fight any movement, instead clinging to Lexa in a death grip until they reached the shore. She woke up in a daze and wondered for a moment where she was and what was happening.

"We need you to climb onto the boat. You'll be able to sleep again afterwards." They explained.

"Ok." She agreed and once she felt water around her ankles she walked the few meters to the boat and pulled herself up. "Thanks." She turned to Lexa, who had followed her. "Will you sleep as well?"

Upon a nod from the other, they quietly walked over to the group and settled on the empty cushions, covering their bare legs with towels.

"Sleep well Lexa."

"You too Clarke."

* * *

Morning came and the sun was up and warming the group in no time. Lexa woke her two employees and started to prepare breakfast. Octavia and Raven were asleep next to the fire.

"Thank god you guys aren't firefighters, seeing you can't keep an eye on the flames, huh." She teased them when they woke to a spray of water from Monty and Jasper.

"Fuck you." Raven hollered.

"Sssssh." Lexa hissed. "They're still sleeping." She pointed to the boat.

"Fuck them too." She added significantly quieter. "Why are we up if they're not?"

"It's called a job?"

"I'm not working for you."

"I'm not asking you to."

"Then let me sleep."

"I didn't wake you."

"Guys, are you done?" A gravely husky voice interrupted their verbal fight and both turned surprised to the unknown sound.

"Clarke." Raven acknowledged her with a grin. "How did you sleep?"

"Hi." Lexa greeted her more subtly with a small smile, waiting for her to answer the question.

"Ok, I guess." She shrugged. "What are you two arguing about so early?"

"I was woken for nothing."

"It's not my fault."

"Hey, is there a switch to silence you both?" Octavia joined the trio.

"I'm only getting louder. Maybe I can scream for help?" Raven huffed annoyed.

"Speaking of, you should try signalling SOS or something." Lexa said pointedly.

"What?"

"Signal for rescue, Raven. Geez, have you lost your mind already? Thought you're a genius?"

"No, no. Shit! I'm an idiot." Raven suddenly turned on her heels and sprinted as quickly as possible to the boat.

"Your girlfriend…" Lexa said in an amused tone.

"Yeah not my responsibility though. She can stand up for herself." Octavia shrugged the comment off.

"What's she doing?"

They watched Raven climb clumsily onto the yacht and further up to the bridge to then disappear behind the seats. A second later she grinned, pretended to dust of her knees and made her way back to the group on the beach.

"Um, what the what?" Octavia voiced everyone's thoughts, when the brunette remained silent.

"Don't kill me, ok?"

"Why would I kill you?" Octavia studied her with an eyebrow raised.

"Not you alone… I mean all of you." Raven explained with a whisking hand motion along the row of people in front of you.

"Raven, spit it out." Lexa growled impatiently.

"Every boat is fitted with an EPIRB -"

"What's that?"

"EPIRB stands for 'emergency position-indicating radio beacon station'. It's a tracking transmitter for detection and location."

"Let me guess…"

"Yeah, I forgot it was there. I only thought about radioing in. I'm not boating often. I'm sorry guys."

"Is it activated now?" Lexa asked for clarification.

"Yeah, I also didn't think of it because it's an ugly yellow box clearly working against the aesthetics of the yacht and therefore hidden under the seat."

"It's sending a signal now?" Lexa repeated annoyed.

"Yes Ma'am. It's on." Raven mock-saluted and dodged the punch to her arm by an inch. "I reckon we won't be staying another night."

"That'd be good." They all agreed.

"I'm monitoring the radio."

"Can I help?" Monty piped up eager to leave with Raven.

"I could use you." She shrugged. "Maybe we boost the signal and have more than one satellite picking up on it?" She grinned whilst dragging him off to the boat.

"I'll help you prepare food if you don't mind." Clarke stepped closer to Lexa, offering to replace her kitchen helper.

"Sure." The chef nodded and within a few minutes everyone had settled with their respective jobs. Jasper, Clarke and Lexa created breakfast, which was easier said than done. They boiled water over the fire for tea or soluble coffee, but any cooked option they would have offered on the 'Adventure of the Seas', was impossible, as Lexa hadn't taken eggs, bacon or sausages with them.

"I should have planned for this."

"Are you kidding?" Clarke interrupted Lexa's private scolding. "You could not have foreseen that we'd be stuck on the island."

"A good chef should plan for all eventualities."

"Only a crazy mad chef would think stranding is a possibility to plan for."

"Haha. You're not helping."

"I'm sorry Lexa, but you're being stupid at the moment. Why don't we offer bread rolls and vegetables?"

"That sounds unappealing even to me, and I love bread and vegetables."

They stopped and looked over to the voice. "Thanks Jasper. This is a grownup conversation. Leave."

"Sorry." He mumbled and strolled over to the fire and Octavia, waiting for the two to settle on work for him.

They stared at each other without saying a word. Blue flickered over green and after another heartbeat, Clarke sighed loudly. "I know why you're doing this, and -"

"Why?"

"I'm not solely writing about you." When Lexa remained quiet, the blonde continued with a sigh. "I told you already the article I'm working on is supposed to give inside details on the journey, the ship and the service."

"Food is part of the service and it always makes or breaks the experience." Lexa pointed out.

"I said it's not only about the restaurants." Clarke clarified.

"It's part of it though." The brunette huffed.

"Lexa, please stop thinking I'd use this to write something bad about you." She said sadly and added in a whisper. "Again."

"You wouldn't?"

Clarke shook her head.

"But it's your job."

"While I agree that I usually get more interest and feedback when I give a creatively bad review, I also want to stress that I'm personally liable for damage. Not the magazine but me. I would not lie and make things up in order to get more readers, which provide me with more money."

"But you do jump on minor mishaps and blow them up like a balloon?"

Clarke pinched her nose in frustration. She should have known that Lexa was not over the whole situation. She herself had thought about their conversation from the previous day and had taken time and examined her words as best as she could remember. "I am utterly sorry for my critique." She breathed out. "I should not have used the words the way I did. It was diminishing and only aimed at your imperfection without taking in regard circumstances and situations."

"You're not payed to come and ask about my well-being. You said so yourself." Lexa mumbled and raked a hand through her hair. "Listen, Clarke. I really want to get over this and I promise I will, but this here…" She gestured to the island. "This is a prime opportunity to boost your career."

"I'm not going to walk all over you guys to benefit a job which I hate anyway."

"You're not the one deciding this though."

"Yes I am. I'm the one who's writing the article. If no word about the island drama finds its way into the critique, who will even know it happened?"

"There are seven other passengers involved. You cannot, not write about it."

Clarke nodded in defeat, but spoke up again after a moment. "Anyway, why do you think anything I write is aimed to destroy you? What's your opinion based on? One article? This is not even statistically relevant. This is nothing."

"Well it was a nothing which hurt well enough."

Clarke cringed at Lexa's words. "I know and I promise I've learned my lesson, but Lexa I also want you to know, that you have absolutely nothing to worry about. You're a star cook, deservedly so."

"You're just saying that to apologise."

"No I'm not. I'm saying it because it's true. My apology doesn't undo my article, I know that." Clarke said calmly and with so much sincerity Lexa felt herself smiling. "Thank you."

"I'm just stating the truth and not only because I like -"

"Chef? I think we should decide soon what to offer. The living are hungry." Jasper interrupted them.

Whilst they were quietly arguing the rest of the group had slowly emerged from the land of dreams and had piled onto the beach.

"… Because you?" Lexa ignored him. She wanted to know what Clarke had wanted to say.

"Nevermind. We should feed them." She said and walked to the fire to retrieve the hot water. Lexa only sighed, but started her part of the job nevertheless.

At the end breakfast consisted of hot drinks, warmed bread with dried meat and grilled vegetables. It was actually not bad at all and Clarke winked at Lexa when the guests pointed this out.

Once they'd informed the rest of the group of the development, everyone was looking forward to leaving sooner rather than later.

After breakfast the crew took care of cleaning up and the passengers idly hung around waiting for something to happen.

"So? How did you sleep Betty?" Clarke asked, joining the elderly woman under a palm tree.

"I try not to complain." She grinned.

"Great spirit." The blonde laughed and watched Lexa walking towards them.

"Any news?" Betty turned to Lexa.

"Raven told me she's had contact with someone from the British Virgin Islands. After checking we weren't in a life threatening situation they've offered to try contacting the Mission Control Centre in San Juan."

"No feedback since then?" Clarke questioned.

"It's a weekend. It might take a little." Betty mused.

"You would think Control Centres would be occupied day and night?" Lexa contemplated.

"Not everyone gets round-the-clock service like we do." Betty smiled thankfully at Lexa. "You really made this adventure a worthy experience. I would never have guessed to ever find myself stranded on an island with first class food."

Lexa lowered her head bashfully. "It's the least I could do." She mumbled, but was cut short by a loud scream from the boat.

"They finally contacted us." Monty jumped up and down excitedly.

Clarke, Lexa and Betty exchanged a quick glance and got up. "Who did?"

"San Juan. They're sending a boat to tow us back home. Should be here within the hour."

Betty put her arms around the other two women and let out a relieved "Hallelujah", to which Clarke added an "Amen".

They quickly started to carefully clean, collapse and load the things they had taken onto the island. Clarke and Octavia had extinguished the fire and cleared the area, whilst the rest of the group took the improvised roof apart and offered the leaves back to the animals on the island. The final task was to load the boat up with the kitchenware, chairs and tables.

Clarke was about to lift a rather heavy box, when Lexa jogged up to help her.

"I can handle it." Clarke tried to pull the carton out of Lexa's hands who held onto it even stronger after realising the blonde was being stubborn.

"Let me help. This is too heavy for you."

"Ah but you can lift it on your own?"

"Well I carried it onto the island…"

"Lexa no." Clarke whined, wanting to prove she can do it.

"Lexa yes." The brunette didn't want to risk her injuring herself on the last stretch of the vacation.

As they both pushed and pulled, neither of them saw the branches and they tripped over them with the box flying out of both pairs of hands, crashing to the beach, followed by the two women. They landed roughly in the sand with Lexa under Clarke.

"You are unbelievably stubborn, you know that?"

"Uh-huh."

"Why didn't you just let me take the box?"

"Mmm…"

"Are you hurt?"

"Uuuh."

"Clarke?" She stopped checking her for injuries and finally settled her eyes on the blonde's face, whose gaze was fixed on her mouth and she subconsciously licked her lips. The movement was copied seconds later by the woman on top of her and Lexa felt her world shifting. "Clarke?" She whispered the name once again and blue eyes finally moved up to meet hers and she felt the air leave her lungs in an instant. She became hyperaware of all the places Clarke's body was pressed against hers and she felt on fire. She didn't dare to believe the blonde might feel the same way about her as she did.

'Just kiss her damnit.' That was Clarke's only thought and it kept repeating over and over and over. She searched in Lexa's eyes for consent, for a sign that she would not overstep invisible boundaries or push her out of her comfort zone. She had been so close to telling her that she actually liked her. She hadn't finished her sentence because she had worried Lexa would think she had only complimented her because she had feelings for her. More than anything the blonde wanted to give Lexa back her self-esteem and make her believe in herself. Now though looked completely different, no argument, no fight. 'Just me and her,' Clarke thought and slowly moved to close the gap between them.

"Clarke! Lexa! The boat is here."

Lexa came up so quickly that she crashed her head against the blonde's as she had moved towards her.

"Ouch."

"Fuck."

Clarke finally sat up and caressed her aching forehead whilst Lexa let her head fall back into the sand.

"Sorry." They said at the same time.

"I think I should get up." Clarke smiled a half smile and slid off Lexa's body.

"Yeah." The cook answered disappointedly. 'Fuck fate.'

* * *

The trip back to the Puerto Rico mainland was cheerful and happy. Everyone was glad and relieved to be back in civilisation. Although, Lexa and Clarke cheered with everyone else, both couldn't stop thinking about their little moment back on the island.

They arrived in the late afternoon. The ship would leave the next morning to another tour and the dock was heaving with luggage and deliveries and Lexa felt her heartbeat increasing when they stepped off the yacht. This was it. She turned to Clarke and smiled at her.

"Hey, you." The blonde started. "Thank you for the wonderful trip. All of it."

"Thank you for clearing out some skeletons from my past."

Clarke inhaled to answer but was interrupted. "Ms. Griffin? A word?" She quickly turned to see Captain Bryce standing next to her.

"Um."

"Go. I'll catch you later." Lexa assured, greeting the Captain and turning back to the yacht to help unload.

"Ms. Griffin. I would like to make sure that this disaster isn't worth mentioning."

"Captain? With all due respect, you will not dictate to me what I'll write."

"I'm not dictating anything, I'm merely suggesting that you leave out this particular episode."

"Clarke?" Betty had been helped off the boat and had walked over to the two women, putting her arm on the blonde's shoulder. "The taxi is here."

"Betty, one minute." Clarke nodded, gently tapping her hand on Betty's. "Captain Bryce, your recommendation has been noted and now I propose you take care of your business and butt out of mine."

The regal woman looked confused from one to the other before she strongly nodded and hastily replied. "Yes of course. I had no idea. I'm sorry Ms Griffin."

"What the… what?" Clarke watched her leave in such a hurry. It left her flabbergasted.

"What did she want?" Betty asked curiously.

"That was the Captain and she told me not write about the last 40 hours."

"That's not for her to decide though, is it?"

"No." Clarke shook her head.

"Anyway, we have to go dear."

"Yeah one sec." Clarke turned around to look for Lexa, but the woman was nowhere to be seen. 'Shit. Where is she?'

"Betty have you seen Lexa?"

"No darling. I'm sorry, but we have to leave now or we'll miss the flight."

"Ok." Clarke let herself be dragged off all the while scanning the harbour for brown flowing hair. She had just vanished. Clarke couldn't believe it. 'Had she escaped proper goodbye to not have to face her feelings, or did she not feel the same at all?'

The taxi drove off and with each meter between her and the ship Clarke felt her heart breaking more and more.

* * *

When Lexa finally managed to leave the loading bay with her hands full of papers and her fridges and freezers stocked to the brim, she realised it was significantly calmer in the harbour than earlier. A few passengers were boarding the ship already and the last grocery parcels were being lifted into the belly of it.

She slowly walked along the railing and down the bridge, eyes scanning the area for blonde hair, but there was none.

'Did she leave without saying a word?'

Lexa remembered her talking to the Captain, when she helped Betty climb down. After that she was called over to check the deliveries and coordinate the storage. Had she been gone that long? 'Was Clarke looking for me, or was she relieved to not have to face me again?'

"That's it?" She whispered to herself, but ultimately started nodding. "Yeah, seems to be." She answered her own question and flopped down on a wall, staring into nothing. A silent tear escaped green sad eyes.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And again... let the drama begin.
> 
> Thanks to everyone for the feedback. Thanks to my girl for proofing.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the new chapter. Let me know. I'll update soon.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my dear readers,
> 
> The past days have been very taxing and I understand that many of you are scared and worried. I just want anyone to know if you don't have a go to person, someone you can talk to about your fears, you can talk to me on tumblr (Jaansche).
> 
> Now, I would have loved to offer a cheesy happy chapter - however this is not it. The drama goes on, but rest assured Clexakru, you're safe with me. Clexa is endgame, but I love me some drama.
> 
> Let's see how life goes on...

"I can't believe it." Clarke mumbled for the fifth time since they'd left. Her eyes still focused backwards although she couldn't see the harbour any longer. "What kind of shitty story is my life?"

"Darling, please don't beat yourself up over it."

"Betty, no offence, but you've got no idea how I feel."

"You're angry?" She tried and watched Clarke who just furrowed her brow. "You're heartbroken?" Clarke bit her lip at the comment. "You're devastated?"

"She didn't even let me say goodbye." The blonde murmured quietly.

"Darling, you have seen the parcels and boxes and deliveries spread all over the dock?"

"Um." Clarke finally turned around and looked at Betty for the first time since entering the taxi.

"She might just have been called away to do her job which she's utterly devoted to."

"Oh." Clarke breathed out, but didn't say another word and instead looked at her hands in her lap, silently hoping this had been the case and not some evasion tactic of Lexa's.

"What if she'll never get past my review?" She whispered after a long time.

"Then you'll move on."

Clarke huffed out dauntingly. "Great. After all that fade bullshit you've fed me in the last ten days you're telling me now, that Lexa and I aren't meant to be?"

"No, I never said that."

"Betty…" Clarke whined. "I can't understand what you're trying to tell me."

"I'm old but I'm not omniscient. I've seen the two of you and I'm still convinced you're good for each other. In which shape or form, I don't know."

"You called us soulmates!" Clarke protested.

"Soulmates come in all shapes and sizes." Betty explained.

"Surely not in 'Hey I've spent ten lousy days of my life with my soulmate fighting and yelling, and now I'm destined to remain single until the next life' kind of way." Clarke sneered.

"You really like her." Betty stated carefully not wanting to trigger the friend's anger any further, but Clarke only sighed and nodded.

"I really love her, Betty…" She corrected her with tearful eyes. "What am I going to do now?"

* * *

"Hey."

Lexa looked up at the familiar voice and spotted Costia walking towards her.

"Hey." She greeted back gravely.

"Wow, who got your panties in a knot?" She kneeled down in front of the brunette who was still sat on the wall, having not moved in hope Clarke might come back.

"No one…"

"Doesn't look like no one."

"Leave it."

"Ok." Costia furrowed her brow. "How was the unexpected grounding?"

"You've heard about it already?" Lexa asked surprised.

"Yeah..." Costia shrugged. "Spread like wildfire through the crew. You ok?"

"Great." Lexa huffed in annoyance.

"What happened?"

Lexa shrugged and flipped a stone into the water, unwilling to talk.

"Lexa… can we please have a normal conversation?"

"I'm really not in the mood at the moment."

"Why?"

"Clarke just left." Lexa finally revealed in a matter of fact voice.

"The food critic?"

Lexa nodded and brushed her hands forcefully over her face, feeling the exhaustion from the past 40 hours seeping into every cell of her body.

"I don't really know how to interpret the situation. Help me out Lexa. Have you guys talked or has she left before you could clear the air?" She asked curiously before a smirk took over and she added in a whisper. "Or… have you done more than talk?" She playfully poked her in her thigh.

"We talked." Lexa slapped her hand away.

"And?"

"And nothing."

"Oh my god. I swear it's easier to do a root canal treatment on a patient with a dental phobia than getting you to talk." Costia got up annoyed.

Lexa cringed at the image, stood up as well and crossed her arms in front of her chest facing the water. "She apologised multiple times for the article and we nearly kissed."

"Oooooh…" Costia walked around and stood in front of her forcing Lexa's gaze to shift. "Spit it out."

Lexa briefly told her about the events on the island whilst Costia remained silent and just listened.

"And now she just left without a word? Where were you?" The bartender asked puzzled.

"I was checking on the fresh groceries, and made sure they were stored properly. I must have lost track of time. She was gone when I came back out here."

"What are you planning to do now?"

"Good question. I don't know." Lexa let her arms fall to her sides and sighed long and desperately.

* * *

It has been a couple of days since she had come back home. She had quickly called her editor to get her deadline for the article, and had been holed up in her apartment ever since.

Clarke still didn't know what to do other than write her review and move on. She had google Lexa and had come up with nothing, no social media account whatsoever. She had even searched the official ship website, which had offered a whole bouquet of networks to connect, but none had been a private and direct line to the Chef. She had no means to contact Lexa. The only way for them to stay in contact had to come from the brunette herself. Clarke hoped she would try to reach out to her via her work email, but so far she hadn't received anything.

If Betty were here she would tell her the cook is busy, and Clarke knew she probably was right, and should just give it some time, but the way they had parted had left her devoid of hope.

It hadn't helped that once they had landed back home, Betty had left her brooding on her own too. They had exchanged numbers and true to her word she had called Clarke the next day, but it hadn't made a difference. Clarke felt more trapped and depressed than ever. Before the trip she had not dared to dream of anything for herself, now she had a taste of possibilities, but it left a sour taste in her mouth.

The worst thing about her hermit existence, she couldn't get Lexa out of her head. As much as she'd tried to distract herself, and she had been very desperate for any deflection, she'd even called her mom; she hadn't been able to forget.

* * *

"You look like your favourite salt producer has stopped selling you the goods."

"Cheers Raven." Lexa grumbled.

She had had a meeting with the Captain before the ship had set sail again. Up until she had spoken to her, Lexa had prepared for applying for jobs once more, but she had been informed that according to the ship company the feedback they had gathered from the involved passengers had stated that the trip had been an unforgettable experience.

With Clarke being gone, she had nothing but her job to focus on now.

After the 'remote dinner' had nearly cost her the job, she had been awfully busy. She had created new dishes, designed new snacks and had contacted various sellers on the islands they were visiting to get a wider variation of food to spike her creativity even further. Her days kept her occupied, but her nights were long and lonely and gave her way too much time to think. It was the third time she'd found herself sat at the bar of the Club Twenty on board, gloomily sulking and trying to get a grip on her feelings.

"Come over and have some fun Lexa." The mechanic invited.

"I'm good here on my own."

"No really. You should go and try to indulge yourself in human conversations." Costia spoke up as well.

"Since when do you two gang up against me?"

"Since you became such a wet blanket."

"Don't listen to her Lexa." Octavia came to stand on her other side and put her arm around her. "I get you, but I worry about you."

"Nothing to worry about. I'm good." Lexa repeated and emptied her shot in one smooth gulp. "One more." She looked at Costia handing her the shot glass.

"No service for you at the bar." Lexa was about to protest when the barkeeper continued. "I, however, can be persuaded to bring your order to the table of these two lovely ladies." She winked at Raven.

"Are you serious?" Lexa looked at her with wide eyes.

"She is." Raven walked over and put her arm around Octavia with a smile to Costia. "Thanks and we have two more drinks as well." She turned to Lexa. "Now move." She pushed her off the stool. The cook's resolve crumbled and she followed them over to their table. As soon as the three had settled, Raven and Octavia leaned closer to Lexa.

"So, any news?" Raven asked.

"About?" Lexa questioned carefully.

"Clarke…"

"No. I haven't heard from her."

"Could you?"

"Huh?"

"Well, could you hear from her? Have you guys exchanged phone numbers?"

Lexa shook her head at Octavia's question and glared angrily at Raven's mouthed 'useless lesbian'.

"Shit. We didn't ask her either." The fitness trainer slapped her hand on the table. "We're all ridiculous really."

The trio sat in silence for a moment watching guests enjoy their vacation, when Raven suggested looking for her on the internet. "I mean she's a journalist. I'm sure we can find a work address or some kind of reach out media."

"Yes, brilliant idea baby." Octavia gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I think I actually have her work email." Lexa contemplated. "I have to look for her review."

"You kept it?"

Lexa nodded.

"Why?"

"To remind myself that I have to be better than that. That I can do better if I work focus."

"Any hard feelings towards the author still?"

"No. I…" Lexa raked her hands through her hair and released a long sigh. "I just miss her."

"Write her that you miss her. I'm sure this is mutual."

"I don't know."

"Easy to find out. Write. To. Her." Raven tapped her index finger on the table to emphasize each word.

"What if she doesn't miss me? What if I have interpreted more into it than there actually was?"

"As much as it hurts, but you can move on?"

'Move on? From Clarke? Doubtful.' Lexa thought but nodded. "Yeah. Maybe."

* * *

She was wide awake. It had been two weeks since she had last seen the brunette. Fourteen days and her heartbeat still sped up when she remembered any small detail about her. How her expressive eyes changed their colour depending on the light. How her long flowing hair was usually confined in delicate braids. How her gorgeous lips could express so many emotions from an annoyed pout to a cocky grin to a radiant happy smile. The thoughts turned to dangerous territory the younger the day. In the early morning hours, Clarke couldn't stop herself from thinking about the stunning body. How soft her hands felt in her own. How perfect her body had fit against hers. How strong the desire had been to kiss her. It had shocked her in the beginning how many details she had managed to burn into her brain, but now Clarke only groaned and turned to the other side, hoping her mind would stop being a merry-go-around with Lexa as the centre figure.

She was out of luck and eventually gave up on the idea of sleep. She paced in her living room and bit her nails wondering what she could do instead of tormenting herself with unfulfilled desire. Her eyes settled on her laptop and she sat down in her chair and stared at her black background. She still had another two weeks until deadline, but she hadn't even started at sorting her pictures.

She opened the folder and slowly clicked through the photographs of the ship, her room, the amenities she had tried, the club, the restaurant, the food. She had taken a huge amount of pictures of the buffet in the mornings, the snacks throughout the day and the dinner in the evenings. Looking at Lexa's creations didn't help distract her and she sighed and let her head fall onto her keyboard.

"Why am I such an unwanted person?" She asked quietly, lifting her head up again. She leaned back in her chair and let the tears slowly fall. She couldn't see the pictures on the screen anymore, everything was a blur and that's when it hit her. She got up quickly and walked over to the small corner where she had stashed her easel and art supplies. She arranged a small canvas she had prepped, but never got inspired enough to use and fished for her oil colours. She took out one brush and inspected its hair carefully. It had been so long since she had touched her past life, she shortly paused and focused on her breathing before she dipped the brush into the turpentine and then dunked it in a dollop of colour. She watched the thick substance covering her brush before she spread it along the palette to thinning it out. She hesitated once more and closed her eyes for a heartbeat, remembering the picture which had popped into her head moments ago, and then finally touched the brush to the canvas and created her first art in a very long time.

She didn't realise the progress, her senses were fixed on the smell of the turpentine, the look of the various shades of colours forming shapes and figures and the feel of the paint on her fingers. She finally allowed herself to think all the thoughts and feel all the emotions she had chastised herself for each night.

By the end, she'd created a late fall inspired landscape with skeletal trees, a dark moody sky and an angry sea. The centre of the picture showed a woman with soft features and blond hair with a heartbreakingly sad face stood at the shore staring into nothing. The colours she had used were eerie and dark and represented perfectly how desperate and hopeless Clarke felt when she thought about Lexa.

When she came back out of her trancelike state, she blinked a few times and just gazed at her creation. If it hadn't been her own pain etched on canvas, Clarke thought, she could feel her heart break all over again at the emotions staring back at her. It filled her with satisfaction to have been able to capture her distress and finish the painting, but it also left her utterly exhausted. Sunrays were insistently trying to light up her rabbit hole, but she got up, closed the curtains, walked past her mobile ignoring the incoming call, and headed to her unmade bed. Another moment passed and she was asleep.

* * *

"God, just give me a second." Clarke yelled angrily at the persistent knocking at her door. She had been drawing and exploring watercolour for the last two nights and days, anything to keep her busy, with short naps in between and had been rudely awakened out of one of those mere seconds ago. Her visitor was on a mission it seemed and she stormed furiously through her small apartment and wrenched open her door to reveal an equally raging Betty on her threshold.

"Thank god you're ok." She exhaled and brushed past the fuming blonde into the living room.

"Betty? What the…" She stopped herself from cursing and just looked at her friend for an explanation.

"I called you numerous times. You never answered."

"Sorry." Clarke raked through her hair and retrieved her vacated cell from the table to only realise it had switched off. She gestured to the phone "it's dead" and added almost as an afterthought, "I've been occupied".

"I worried Clarke."

"Why?"

"Why?" Betty repeated incredulously. "When we parted, I told you I'd call you every now and then and I made you promise you'd pick up. Do you remember what you answered back then?"

Clarke just stared at her blankly.

"If I'm not dead." Betty told her her words from two weeks prior.

"Oh." Clarke looked ashamedly at the floor.

"Yeah, oh." Betty huffed out. "Can you imagine what went through my head?"

The blonde nodded.

"I came here to make sure you're ok."

Clarke smiled at the words.

"Are you ok?"

"I've been worse." She finally answered.

"Oh Clarke…" Betty closed the distance between them, and pulled the younger woman into a tight embrace. "No word?"

Clarke sniffled loudly before gravely negating the question.

She felt Betty nod in understanding and Clarke remembered the last time she'd felt safe in someone's arms, and felt the disappointment wash over her like a wave. It had been Lexa. Of course it would have been her. There was not one single minute she would not be reminded of her. Lexa had carried her and the blonde had not only felt safe but home. She pushed out of Betty's hug and smiled, her eyes still watery. "I can't believe, you've come all this way to check on me?"

Betty smiled back and nodded with a shrug as if to make it light that she cared for her.

"Thank you and I'm sorry I've scared you."

"Why don't you make me a cup of tea and we relax a little? I certainly need some peace to calm my old fragile heart." She joked, but Clarke mouthed 'sorry' feeling utterly guilty.

A moment later, she walked off to her kitchen and filled the kettle with water. "Do you want milk and sugar?"

"Just milk dear." Betty answered, but her gaze lingered on the sketch book on the blonde's desk. She thumbed through the last pages, before she saw the few watercolour paintings leaning against the desk. They looked freshly painted and she walked closer to have a look when she saw the oil painting off the side. "Wow," she whispered in complete fascination, she didn't hear Clarke re-enter, putting down the cup and joining her.

"It's childish, I know." She stated quietly.

Betty's head shot up upon hearing the words and she looked at the blonde in awe. "Did you paint these?" She asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, I can't sleep well recently." She explained with a grimace. "I started painting what's bothering me to work through my feelings. I don't think it helps though." She whispered. "I'm sorry, I didn't know you were coming, I would have cleaned them out." She said after a moment.

"Clarke? Are you kidding?" Betty's glance flickered between the blonde's face and the painting for a few moments, before it settled on Clarke. "It's so raw and emotional, I could cry with the girl on the painting. And these," she pointed to the sketches "are just magnificent. You really have an eye for detail." She whistled approvingly and looked back to the painting. "This is absolutely stunningly painted. You are… wow… I didn't know you were that good." Betty studied the blonde with a smile.

"Thanks." Clarke looked at her gratefully. Since her father's death she had barely heard positive things about her art. A few galleries told her they'd contact her if she fits an exhibition theme, but she never received the call. She'd had people interested in her creations, but they'd never offered any business. She'd gotten used to the road block and after what had felt like the millionth disappointment, she had given up on the idea of ever selling a piece. People liked her creations, but never enough to actually buy any.

"This is really heartbreakingly beautiful." Betty turned back to the picture and explained in detail what made this piece so exceptional to her. "I have to ask." She looked back at Clarke. "Can I buy it?"

"Buy it?" Clarke scoffed. "You -"

"I promise I'll pay you well."

"No no, I was about to say you could just have it." The blonde finished her sentence.

"What?" Now it was Betty's turn to look confused.

"As an apology for worrying you?" Clarke clarified.

"No, I won't accept it. If it is purchasable I'll pay." She was adamant. "You can't give this away for free. I could understand if you wanted to keep it. It is so personal, but don't just throw it out."

The older woman was not persuadable to change her stand on the matter and the discussion ended with Clarke selling her first painting ever.

After Betty had left, she was still so stunned by the turn of events that she pulled out a piece of paper and started writing down her thoughts.

_You wouldn't believe what happened today. You've been right, Lexa. Fate does have a funny way of playing with us. I would have never thought that the woman I got to know on a trip I've been paid to do, turned out to be the one, who would be my first ever buyer. I sold a painting to Betty today. I freaking sold a painting! I wish, I could have told you this in person, heck I wish you could have been here to witness it._

_Thinking of it, I also would have never thought the woman I wrote a negative review about would steal my heart. I miss you. I don't know how to move on from you, when all I want is to turn back to you._

_Maybe you could tell me how to do it, seeing you've so easily forgotten about me._

'Fuck.' Clarke wiped at her eyes, clearing her vision before she continued.

_I'm such a mess. You wouldn't recognise me._

_I need to get my life sorted and maybe then I could come back to you, and we could start where we left off?_

Clarke stared at the few lines and she decided there and then she would try again. Maybe Betty had been right and Lexa's purpose in Clarke's life had been to open up her heart once more to stop surviving and start living?

She stood up whilst crumpling the paper. She had no address to send it to.

* * *

Lexa had been back from her second cruise and was currently preparing for a new tour. The sister ship of the Adventure of the Seas had called in an emergency and she had to replace the chef on short notice. She had instructed Titus and the rest of her kitchen team on how to prepare the dishes she had created on her first tour, and had felt confident enough to leave the ship without a chef.

Before she'd arrived on the new ship she'd been so busy with the changes, that she'd had no time to meet up with anyone before she'd left. She'd been glad as it had meant she hadn't needed to think about excuses for why she hadn't contacted Clarke yet. To be honest, Lexa herself had no idea why, except she was scared at what it had meant the way the blonde had just left. She'd tried to stop thinking negatively about it, but she couldn't help that the only reason, which had kept persistently in her brain had been that Clarke had felt guilty for what had transpired between the two, and hadn't wanted to let her down. That had probably been it, but then Lexa thought about how Clarke had looked at her and cuddled into her when she had carried her, and more prominently how the blonde had been completely lost in her when they had found each other in the sand. It made Lexa feel hopeful her feelings were reciprocated. 'Hope was a dangerous thing', she thought when she opened her email program and typed in Clarke's work email address. She looked at the cursor blinking excitedly at her and raked a hand through her long locks, before she finally started typing.

_Dear Clarke,_

_I hope this email finds you well._

_I'm sorry, I haven't reached out earlier, but I have been busy. I hope you can relate?_

_I really don't know what to say, except I miss you._

_Tell me if this is too forward, but I would like to see you again._

_Lexa_

She read over the few lines and after staring at the screen for much longer, she pressed delete and closed the program with a huff. Hope was stupid and this was ridiculous. Clarke didn't miss her and she probably didn't want Lexa to contact her. She stood up from her desk and left her office to clear her mind.

* * *

A month had passed and Betty had finally convinced Clarke to come and visit her at her home. She'd said she missed her beautiful face. Clarke had been delighted. On the day of her trip to Betty, she found a black car waiting outside her apartment block, and the driver opened the door when she left the building, with a couple of paintings under one arm.

"Um, excuse me?" Clarke looked puzzled.

"Ms Griffin? Ms Wilhelmsen sent the car to make sure you wouldn't change your mind."

Clarke grinned at the information, and took out her phone; gesturing to the driver she would need only one minute.

"Hello Clarke."

"Betty? How am I supposed to interpret the car?" She was still grinning.

"Well, I checked the train schedule and it's awfully inconvenient from your place to mine."

"And that's when you decided to send a car?" Clarke asked in amusement.

"Well, you also come bearing gifts."

"You've paid for it. It's not a gift."

"Let me spoil you, please?"

Clarke didn't know what to say other than, "Ok Betty. Thanks and see you soon.", before she hung up, climbed into the backseat of the car and plucked in her headphones. The last days had been exhausting to say the least. She still wasn't able to sleep properly and her day/night schedule had been hopelessly muddled. Plus, after Betty had bought the painting they had talked about Clarke's art in a little more detail. The blonde had eventually been convinced to retrieve her old paintings from her past, which she had kept in a storage unit and Betty had been equally enthusiastic about those. So much so, that she'd asked for a painting or drawing of what was in Clarke's heart. At first, she had protested and stated, Betty would know what was going on in there, but the older woman had remained stoic about her wish. Eventually, Clarke had dived into the challenge with renewed interest. Between working on the picture, she had sent her finished review to her editor. She was proud of herself for completing her tasks and 'adulting' so efficiently, but she still thought about Lexa more than she would admit even to herself, which had been the reason for her to include a rather intimate segment into her article. She didn't care if she exposed her inner self to the world, if maybe Lexa would see it and finally reach out to her. Clarke yawned heartily and before she realised she had fallen asleep. Two hours later and she arrived at her destination, a country style house at the outskirts of a small town.

Clarke was welcomed by Betty and she marvelled at the inside of the house even more as it demonstrated the woman's fabulous taste. "Wow, you've got a beautiful home." She complimented.

"Thank you dear. Come in, come in."

They settled in the spacious living room with tea and biscuits and talked about Clarke's wellbeing and the paintings Betty had fretted about, as soon as Clarke had handed them over.

They were silent after a while, enjoying their tea and the afternoon sun.

"You know, I always loved the way you use words and phrases." Betty started suddenly plunging Clarke back into reality. "I can clearly see the emotions in parts of your article, but I come to wonder, if I'm right, if I say I detect an overall lack of investment in the writing?"

Clarke blinked a few times, before she started to defend her work, but she was cut off.

"I know, I'm not saying it's badly written dear, but it lacks passion. You're funny and amusing to read, but where's the passionate former you?"

"Drowned?"

Betty ignored her as her question had been rhetorical anyway. "I loved the part about Lexa, but that felt to me as if you've given up and saying goodbye."

The blonde nodded and a soft smile played at her lips, before she furrowed her brow and abruptly turned to Betty. "Wait a minute." She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "I've not had any feedback for my work from my editor, so the review has not been published. How do you know about it?" She asked in confusion.

"I think it's time I tell you a little more about myself?" Betty started.

Clarke leaned back on her chair and joked. "Is this the moment, you tell me you're a killer and the tea has been poisoned?"

The older woman laughed out and shook her head. "No." She said between laughter. "Ok." She breathed out. "So, my name is Elizabeth Wilhelmsen and I was born in 1943 in Norway."

Clarke watched her with eager curiosity.

"I moved to the States and left the executive of the family business to my brothers and work as a quality tester or inspector."

Clarke looked at her more confused than before, but remained silent.

"The cruise, you've been asked to write a review about belongs, to a company which has been founded my father. I get to travel a lot and usually am rather alone on my journeys, but my last trip had been enriched by a very beautiful, talented young woman who had been kind and helpful and had included me in all her daily expeditions." Betty smiled thankfully.

"You own the Adventure of the Seas?" Clarke asked with wide eyes, mouth agape in disbelief.

Betty laughed once more and explained that her siblings and her own a few more cruise ships shared with a board of stakeholders.

"Wow."

"Yes, and because we've requested the critique your boss Mr Kane had sent us your article for approval to publish. We don't have to if we're not happy with the outcome."

"Ah…" Clarke was speechless.

"You know where I see your passion?" The older woman started again after a moment of quiet. "In your art." Clarke looked over at her with a small smile. "Come with me." She beckoned the blonde to follow her into a light-flooded room at the backside of her house, where she took Clarke's latest picture and hung it on an empty hook on the wall.

They stood in front of the painting Clarke had called 'heartbeat' and the blonde grimaced at it. She had taken Betty's request quite literally and had painted a human heard with images of a laptop, ship, woman and an easel in various sizes and different colours.

"Don't." Betty slapped her playfully when she spotted the expression. "It's beautiful and it's what is bothering you. There aren't many things, but I kind of think the laptop holds the least priority in your life at the moment." She pointed to the tiny device at the corner of the right ventricle. "The ship, however, reflects a lot of emotions the way it dances in a storm of blood and with the sails full blown, it looks like it's leaving." She continued and Clarke followed her every word, fascinated to hear what her art inspired in the other. "You've painted the easels in a very calm and precise way like you're most focused on them… like this is your current centre…" She trailed off and glanced at Clarke. "The woman? She reminds me of someone we both know."

"She's on my mind and in my heart. You asked me to paint that." The blonde shrugged.

"I was expecting her face and I must say it's incredibly detailed. I mean just look at the eyes, my god Clarke, they're beautifully accurate. She has that fire in them whenever she's passionate about something. I hadn't been aware you could create something like that with watercolour. This is incredible. This is your passion, not writing."

Clarke looked at her proudly and smiled, but Betty returned her glance with seriousness.

"Can you digest one more thing or do you need a break?"

"Um…" Clarke's vocabulary was significantly reduced to interjections.

"I want to propose a business deal."

* * *

If one had asked the journalist a year ago what she would do twelve months later, she would have never answered, "Painting the walls of my very own gallery", but here she was accompanied by her newly acquired business partner.

She had terminated her contract with the Independent the day after Betty had offered her the float for her own gallery. After the initial shock, she quickly had agreed, but asked to start all over in new surroundings. Her experience in her own country had been so disappointing, that Clarke had feared it cursed her. She'd wanted to go to Aruba and try her luck there. To her surprise, her wish had not been laughed off. Betty has smiled and had spoken in Clarke's favour, as she remembered the blonde gushing about the feelings this island had awoken in her. Instead, she had been asked to do some extensive research about the prospects of success and the fulfilment of her own needs and expectations by Betty' family lawyer. In the end, she'd convinced everyone that she would feel most inspired there, and could make it a prosperous business. They flew down to look at a few premises and Clarke quickly had found what she'd been looking for. The building had been pretty much in the middle of the city and the turning point of the streetcar, which had caught her attention the first time she had visited, was just a few streets away.

It had been a small house with a shop floor and a tiny apartment above, and Clarke had fallen in love with it almost immediately. She had taken Betty by the hand, and had let her around the room explaining excitingly where she would want to put what, and the older woman had never experienced such anticipation and pure bliss. Clarke had explained, she would use the flat to live in and the backroom of the gallery as a studio, as it had the perfect light to paint or draw.

Betty locked over at the woman now, dressed in loose pants and a tank top, singing on top of her lungs and painting walls. She seemed to be happy, but if one looked close enough, they could see the dark circles under her eyes and the sad expression on her face when she felt unobserved. She knew, she still thought about Lexa.

Once she had revealed her background, Clarke had instantly asked if she could get her the brunette's mobile number or email address. Unfortunately, Betty had had no access to the files, as the recruitment of everyone, but the actual ship crew, had been done through another company. The service team as well as all other amenities were provided by various contractors who covered all positions on all their ships.

Now that Clarke lived en route, Betty figured she would eventually see Lexa again on the same or another cruise. She'd promised to herself, that she would question Lexa for Clarke's sake and hopefully get them in contact again. She didn't understand the brunette. She could have sworn the feelings had been mutual. Something wasn't right, but at the moment she couldn't take care of it and it saddened her to see the former happy woman suffering. It had not been her main reason to initiate the business relationship between the two of them, she had also wanted the blonde happy again. She was utterly convinced by Clarke's talent and she had needed her busy and occupied. Betty had worried Clarke might lose herself if she hadn't given her something to focus on.

Clarke caught Betty's gaze on her and smiled. She was wholeheartedly grateful for having met the older woman in a time she had desperately needed someone. She finally felt settled; finally felt she had achieved something. Everything was picture-perfect, until the night crept up on her and Clarke would lie in bed, alone and lonely and wondered for the millionth time if Lexa was ok, if she missed her just as much or if she had moved on.

* * *

Two months had passed and Lexa had done another tour. Raven and Octavia had been off, but she expected them back for the next one.

She was more successful nowadays to prevent herself from thinking nonstop about Clarke, but not one day would went by without her hoping the blonde was doing ok. She usually gave herself the liberty to wallow in her heartbreak when she had closed the kitchen and was officially off for the night. She had written two more emails with equal content as the first, but never dared to press send, and the longer she waited the more she convinced herself to only be a bother to Clarke if she were to write her now. She might have even forgotten her. Lexa's heart clenched painfully at the thought as it knew she'd never forget her.

It was the night before they were leaving again and she had agreed to meet up with Octavia, Raven and Costia for a drink at the restaurant at the harbour. The three had somehow become her friends, and the four of them would hang out once in a while on and off board.

"So, how has your vacation been?" She asked the couple.

"Awesome."

"Brilliant."

"I'm so jealous." Costia slid into the booth next to Lexa. "I need a vacation." She drawled.

"Yeah, who doesn't?" Raven laughed.

"You've just been. You've got no right to complain." Costia laughed along.

"How was the other cruise Lexa? Any more unwanted island adventures?" Octavia asked cheekily.

"No, but I could need a change of scenery." She didn't need to further explain as everyone knew what she was revering to.

"Have you contacted her yet?"

"No." Lexa shook her head. "And before you say anything…" She stopped all three who had opened their mouths. "This is not your decision. It's my heart and I've decided it's bruised enough as it is."

"Lexa, sweetie." Costia put her hand over Lexa's. "You're right; you're the one who needs to decide, but you're an idiot." She pats the hand twice before leaning over to grab her bag. "I found this last week." She said and handed her an edition of the Independent. "Read it."

Lexa scrunched up her nose, but opened the paper nevertheless, quickly finding what her friend had been meaning for her to read. It was Clarke's latest review and she would have never looked for it in the lifestyle section, but the blonde had been right. It was not only a food critique, but a travel experience. She started reading and once in a while her eyes would light up in amusement or she would even laugh out loud.

"That good?" Octavia and Raven smiled at the displayed delight.

"Well, she's funny. I told her once, a great Griffin review is an achievement in itself." Lexa admitted and she felt a warmth spread through her body when she remembered Clarke's smile when she had told her.

"Yeah yeah, keep reading." Costia pushed the paper back to her attention.

"Have you read it?" Lexa asked curiously.

"Yeah, hence me saying you're stupid." She grinned.

Lexa glared at her, but did as told and went back to read the review. Clarke had explained the rules and schedules of the ship, raved about the amenities and the crew and praised the shore excursion in her flowery, extensive vocabulary. Even the unplanned and unwanted overnight stay had been mentioned in an accepted, understanding form. Lexa had silently inhaled each word, but the next sentence made her heart sped up into unknown heights.

_However incredible the excursions had been, my highlight of each day had been Lexa Woods._

She stopped and read the sentence again. And again. And again. 'She surely meant the food provided by me and not me personally?' Eventually she continued reading.

_Her incredible talent as the Chef of the Adventure of the Seas had only been outshone by her beautiful kindness, hopeful compassion and unbelievable sincere nature._

Lexa read this sentence a few times as well; unsure whether she should let herself read between the lines or not. She raked her hands through her hair and exhaled slowly. Clarke had finished the article with a few more sentences about Lexa's creations and spectacular style and a bottom line which warmly recommended the cruise. She had finished reading the critique a few moments ago, but Lexa was still staring at it, before she slowly lifted her head and looked at Costia whilst Raven and Octavia snatched the paper from her hands to read it themselves.

"So?" Costia asked, but the couple hushed her.

"Wait wait. We need to know first, before we grill her."

Lexa winced, but seeing that Costia was blocking her exit she succumbed to her fate and let her head slowly sink onto the table.

"Wow." Octavia whistled after another moment.

"That's some camouflaged love declaration that is." Raven commented as well. "I see what you meant." She said to Costia and raised an eyebrow looking at Lexa. "My highlight of each day had been Lexa Woods." She read out loud.

"What's the verdict?" The brunette mumbled against the table top.

"Boo Boo the fool."

"Nincompoop."

"Idiot." They all chimed in.

"Geez, thanks."

"Ok ok, what exactly was it, that had held you back from writing to her?" Costia asked softly.

Lexa turned her head and rested it on her folded hands. "I was scared she didn't feel the same about me…"

"… and you'd make a fool of yourself?" Raven finished for her. "Well, congrats champ." She pinched her cheek. "You managed that all on your own."

"Give her some credit. The way Clarke left had made all of us question her feelings." Octavia rationalized.

"Yeah, come on. Don't be so awful to her." Costia chastised as well.

"What are you planning to do now, lovergirl?" Raven ignored her girlfriend's and friend's glare and teased Lexa further. "Finally ready to contact her?"

"Ok Raven. You can stop now." Lexa finally sat up and focused on the other woman. "I know what you're doing, and it's working. I'm angry at myself and I will definately send that email."

"Finally."

They changed the topic after their successful intervention and discussed the newest gossip. Lexa kept silent for most of the time, formulating her message to Clarke in her mind and just nodded now and then.

When they decided to call it a night, she couldn't get back to her office quickly enough, where she opened her email and immediately started typing.

_Dear Clarke,_

_I just read your article. I'm speechless to be honest. Not only was it a great review, but because of your words. I hope, I'm interpreting them the right way._

_I guess, I was so busy convincing myself, you wouldn't feel the same, that you couldn't possibly be interested in me in the same way I was in you. I let myself stray from the task at hand to contact you. To write you and tell you that I miss you so much, and I think about you every day. I hope I can make it up to you?_

She read over her words a couple of times, contemplating if she really should sent such an email to Clarke's work address. Was it appropriate? Would only the journalist be entitled to the content of her post? Lexa clicked back into the window, deleted the last paragraph and added a new one.

_Dear Clarke,_

_I just read your article. I'm speechless to be honest. Not only was it a great review, but because of your words. I hope, I'm interpreting them the right way._

_Here is my mobile number (555/2102149). Please message me if you still feel the way you've felt when you wrote the review._

It felt a bit cryptic, but Lexa was happy with it, as it didn't jump right at you in case the electronic conference was monitored. She finished with ' _Best wishes, Lexa_ ' but deleted it immediately and replaced it with ' _Take care, Lexa_ '. After another moment, she deleted that as well and finally settled on ' _Thinking of you, Lexa_ '. It's now or never and she needed to be honest and open if she wanted to get the desired response.

Lexa inhaled deeply whilst moving the cursor and clicked 'send'. She stared at the screen for another heartbeat, before she sighed and shut down the computer. It was late and she wasn't expecting an answer in the next few hours anyway.

* * *

For the opening of her gallery, Clarke had decided to show a mix of her old and new work. She had been lucky the moving company had been able to drop off her stuff in time. She had walked through the room and had nodded at her decision; the pictures had shown a wider range of her abilities and had been intriguing in their very own way. The opening itself had been a small party with a few local artists showing up and Clarke's new neighbours had welcomed her in their street. She had felt incredibly accepted within this short amount of time and already called the city her home. Her artist heart had been right when it had stumbled upon the island and made her feel the connection.

Betty had been her special guest as without her money and support Clarke would have never risked venturing into art again. She was immensely grateful and thanked her friend profusely. Before she had left a day later, Betty had informed her that the 'Adventure of the Seas' would be docking in Aruba the end of the week. The older woman had not been back on the ship and therefore had had no chance to sit Lexa down and ask her herself what the hell had been stopping her. Clarke had hesitated when Betty had asked her if she would go down to the harbour to look for her. She really wanted to, but she was also incredibly nervous. She hadn't heard from Lexa in over two months. She had hoped her article would break the radio silence, but considering the fact it had been a contracted critique, for which the money had been paid already, she worried the paper hadn't published it yet and Lexa still had no clue. Betty encouraged her to grab the bull by the horns and tell Lexa how she felt. In person. Without a filter.

* * *

Lexa hadn't received an email or text message in return yet, she had checked numerous times since she had sent it. Nothing. Octavia had tried to reason that Clarke might have been busy travelling with no access to her email. It had only been two days.

They met up as usual in the club after Lexa's shift and Raven had suggested looking in her filtered messages. The mechanic had recently been struggling to receive emails herself and had learned that the shipping company had increased their Internet security.

They were both hunched over Lexa's desk waiting for the email program to open up. Upon checking the spam folder one message almost immediately popped into Raven's focus and she navigated the cursor over it.

"Mail delivery failed?" Lexa read the subject out aloud, confusedly watching her friend clicking on the message.

"Shit." Raven pointed to the text on the screen.

_This message was created automatically by mail delivery software. A message that you sent could not be delivered to one or more of its recipients. This is a permanent error. The following address(es) failed:_

_No Such User Here_

"She's not there?" Lexa's voice was merely a whisper.

Raven sighed deeply and finally turned to look at Lexa. "It seems she's not working there anymore."

Lexa's heart had been beating frantically before, but now it seemed to have stopped working. She sighed loudly and slumped into her chair staring off into nothing.

"Lexa?" Raven touched her softly on the arm. Upon no reaction, she shook her more forcefully and green eyes finally settled on brown.

"That was my only chance." She said solemnly after a few moments of silence.

"Don't say that. Here, let's check her social media." Raven looked at various networks before she huffed out annoyed. "Ah damn you Clarke."

"What?" Lexa asked having been silently staring at her hands for the past minutes fighting the tears that threatened to spill any time.

" cgriff_foodenthusiast has been deactivated as well." Raven grumbled.

"Ok." Lexa raised from her chair and slowly passed Raven who had straightened up as well. "Thanks for looking though." She said utterly devastated.

"I'm so sorry Lexa."

"It's not your fault. I should have messaged earlier. I deserve this." She mumbled into her hands covering her face.

"No, no you don't. Please don't give up."

"Raven, there's nothing else I can do. I don't know where she lives and now I also don't know where she works. She's vanished completely. Maybe she didn't want me to contact her after all? Maybe her words were meant differently? Maybe she didn't feel -"

"- No Lexa, seriously? That woman was head over heels for you and I doubt she could forget you that quickly." Raven interrupted her.

"Why do you care?" Lexa growled.

"Why don't you care more?" Raven asked her accusingly, crossing her arms over her chest. "Why are you so quick to give up? Why don't you fight?"

"Believe me, I do care, ok?" Lexa growled angrily. "I care so fucking much, but I've lost her. I fucking lost before it even started. There's nothing to fight for." She was crying now. "I was too scared to tell her that I'd fallen in love with her. I was too scared to show that I love her and now I won't get another chance." She sobbed. "I… fuck…" She slid down the door and repeatedly banged her head against the wood.

"Lexa stop." Raven interfered and pulled her up from the floor. "I don't know what to do right now, but let's go back to the others. Maybe they know?" She looked her deeply in the eye and Lexa saw worry and sadness, and she couldn't help but let herself be dragged back to the bar.

She would have preferred to be alone, but the consequences would have been fatal. She had access to way more alcohol than Jasper could have dreamed of and in her current state of mind she couldn't distinguish between physical pain or mental distress. Drowning in alcohol probably wasn't the best idea, but it didn't stop her from ordering a bottle of hard liquor once they had found some space and nursing it without bothering for a glass.

"Ok, that's enough." Costia snatched it out of the iron grip and moved it out of reach. "I know you're hurt and all, but you can't go down this route right now. You still have a job to do. Don't throw away everything you've worked for."

"Fuck the job. You can have it." Lexa burst out, before she stopped talking all together and just sat sobbing at the bar. Raven and Octavia exchanged a look with Costia and decided to take her to bed. The two stayed with her until she blacked out.

* * *

The harbour was only about a mile away and the blonde decided to walk as it was early morning, just short of eight o'clock. The city was already bustling in preparation for the cruise ship and its tourists. She stopped at her favourite coffee shop and busied her hands with a cup of warm comfort whilst strolling down the main road watching the mega liner manoeuvre into its parking position.

Her heart was beating erratically in her chest. Lexa was somewhere on this ship, only a few feet away from her.

'Will I be able to find her?'

'Will she have time?'

'Will she give me a chance?'

From her own experience, she still had some moments before anyone would start to leave the ship, but if Lexa was busy getting groceries, she might be one of the first. Clarke sipped from her to-go cup and leaned against some trees at the nearby taxi stand, from where she had a good view.

* * *

A week had gone by since Lexa had fallen apart. She had been depressed for three days, but eventually her pride had won over and she'd returned to work with renewed force. She would not be weak. She would not let love make her weak. Clearly, Clarke and her weren't meant to be. She knew, she would never get over it, but she could try to live with it.

With this spirit Lexa had decided to do the grocery run herself again. She looked forward to Aruba. It had held something special ever since the first time she had been there, when she had visited the markets. There had been a smell in the air and it had inspired her to create her best-loved dinner on board.

She had just walked down the bridge and was about to leave in a rented van, when she was stopped by Costia, who had run over to her.

"Hi there. How are you?" She asked, hugging her tightly. "Haven't seen you in a while."

"Ok, I guess. Kept busy."

"You look tired. I worry my friend." She moved her hands up and down Lexa's arms.

"I'm not good at sleeping."

"Maybe some tea would help?"

"Tea is not the liquid I'd like to ingest." Lexa joked.

"I know." Costia nodded in understanding. "Can I do anything to take your mind off of her?"

"Impossible." Lexa smiled thankfully at the effort. "I've got to go to the market. You wanna' tag along?" She put her hand on the handle of the passenger door and waited for an answer.

"Sure. If that helps?"

"Well, company makes it almost bearable." Lexa opened the door and gestured for Costia to jump in.

The bartender smiled sombrely and placed her hand on the brunette's cheek. "I'm sad for you."

Lexa placed her own hand over Costia's and smiled softly. "Thanks."

They looked at each other for another moment. Lexa soaked up the comfort her friend was happy to give her.

"Shall we?"

Lexa nodded and they finally climbed into the van and drove off.

* * *

Clarke switched her weight from one leg to the other, she simply couldn't stand still. She had finished her drink some time ago and had ventured to the trashcan to then quickly return to her shade-giving tree, when she finally saw who she had been waiting for. Her heart nearly jumped out of her throat. She looked so beautiful and breathtaking and Clarke was about to call out to her when someone else had gotten her attention. Clarke saw the bartender from the ship - 'Costia?' - run over and hug Lexa, who seemed to hug her back. She looked on in confusion, seeing the woman lovingly caressing Lexa's arms. 'What the…?'

She then saw them talking and after a short moment Clarke felt her heart break once more upon seeing Costia lean in and put her hand on Lexa's cheek; the brunette smiling at the gesture. Clarke stumbled backwards as if punched in the stomach. She could barely see anymore as tears flooded her eyes and impaired her vision.

'I'm too late.'

'Costia has snatched her away from me.'

She turned around and ran off as quickly as she could, berating herself all the way for not having been more inventive to get in contact with the one she knew for sure she loved with all her being.

'I've missed my chance.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaargh, can I be any more frustrating? I don't know, but I promise I'm done with the teasing. Next chapter will be the final one again with an epilogue after that.
> 
> Sometimes, life is really testing. We just learn our own lesson, all of us. That doesn't mean we give up. It means we fight on. Please stay safe wherever you are.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very sorry for all the frustration the last chapter has caused... Or am I? ;-) I admit, I love drama. However, the newest part of the story, after some well placed drama, will hopefully end your pain. Shall we see? Enjoy...

* * *

 

Lexa had never been one who looked forward to new things. She had always been hesitant of change, and had tried to avoid unsure situations as much as possible. Her father had always told her to embrace the unknown and go with the flow, but Lexa couldn't shake her anxiety for any unfamiliarity. She was relieved to have someone like Costia at her side, when she stepped into the store. She knew she would take her mind off of the imminent and permanent change she was about to endure. Raven and Octavia had offered to come as well, but Lexa had thought this would have been a little much, so they'd agreed to meet up later at a coffee shop before the ship left the harbour. Lexa had seen the parlour on one of her grocery runs the last time she'd come to the island and had spontaneously decided she would come back the next time to get it done.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Costia asked her for what felt like the millionth time.

"Yes, I am."

"You know, people say you shouldn't do this drunk or emotional."

Lexa turned to face her friend with a small smile. "I'll always be emotional about her. It won't change, but I want this as a reminder."

"Of what?"

"Of my missed chance because I was too hung up on the past and scared of the future."

"Maybe you'll get another opportunity to make it right?"

"Costia, I have no idea where she is." Lexa's voice broke at the truth. "So don't tell me 'to not give up' because there's also the concept of 'it's too late'."

"It's never too late."

"It is for Clarke and I."

Costia remained quiet and looked over the displayed pictures and merchandise of the parlour when a young woman greeted them.

"Hi there. What are you looking for? Maybe I can help?"

Lexa walked closer to the counter. "Hello. I want a tattoo." She stated bluntly.

"Well, right place to be." The woman laughed and gestured to the store. "What did you have in mind?"

"This." Lexa took a slip of paper out of her pocket and handed it over. The tattooer looked at it and nodded.

"This'll be simple and easy. Where do you want to have it?" She looked up at her.

"On my upper arm. Like here." Lexa gestured to the inner side of her left bicep.

"Sweet." The tattooer nodded. "Why don't you guys relax for a minute, have a coffee?" The woman gestured to a vending machine. "I'll make it look a little more exciting and we can go from there." She winked at Lexa pointing to her simple handwriting on the note.

Lexa nodded and followed Costia to the coffee machine.

It had been nearly four months since she had seen Clarke, four incredibly hurtful months of loss and desperation. Her first vacation, since she had started working on the ship, had brought her to the office of the magazine Clarke had worked for and they had informed her that the blonde had indeed quit her job. No one had known where she had gone to afterwards and they'd denied her access to Clarke's private information. She had begged the secretary for almost ten minutes, but their security protocol had prohibited them from helping her. She had left the building, crestfallen and desolate, had flopped down on the stairs and had cried. Lexa had hoped to get an address or a mobile number, anything to reach out to the blonde. All her faith and focus had been on that visit, but it had all vanished into thin air. That had been the moment she had decided to get the tattoo; heartbroken on the stairs of the newspaper building.

Costia stirred Lexa out of her trip down memory lane. "Do you really think you'll never see her again?" She asked softly.

"What with nearly eight billion people in the world?" Lexa answered sarcastically.

"Have you tried to get into the passenger data?"

"Costia, we've been through this. Raven and I tried everything, but we couldn't get past the security."

"Tell me again, why you didn't contact the ship company?"

"And then what? Ask them to give me access to their files? Are you for real? We're not even allowed to look at passengers in that kind of way. Could have sent my resignation letter along with such a request."

"It's ridiculous how much companies secure their data, really."

Lexa only raised an eyebrow at the comment.

"What?" Costia huffed. "It would have been much easier, if we could have just looked her up."

"True." Lexa nodded. "But this wouldn't have been my life." She laughed miserably and in an attempt to get her mood back into neutral territory she pushed off the wall and looked at the art hanging at the opposite side of the store. Where usually photographs of real tattoos done by the store were displayed, this parlour showed paintings of people with tattoos. Some were more realistic than others. Lexa stopped at one, which showed the upper body of a woman on a black background. She wore a red flannel shirt, which was unbuttoned and revealed a lacy bra. Lexa's attention was drawn to the centre of the picture were a realistically depicted heart-tattoo was located where skin and bones would have covered the actual heart of the woman. Lexa narrowed her eyes at the tiny symbols inside of the organ, but she couldn't make out what they were. The picture was hung too high. She stepped back again and her eyes roamed once more over the female torso. Something about the painting spoke to her in a cryptic language she couldn't understand, but instead felt deep inside, pulling at her heartstrings. Before she could figure out what it was telling her, the woman behind the counter cleared her throat.

"Ok, I'm done. Have a look and let me know."

Lexa picked up the paper and showed it to Costia who approved the design with a thumbs up. "This'll look awesome on your arm." She added.

"Yeah…" Lexa nodded. "This is good."

"You want it?"

"Yes."

An hour later and Lexa lied on the table and clenched her jaw in pain. This was worse than she would have imagined, but she had hoped it would hurt. She wanted the physical ache to replace the emotional hurt she had carried around for those four months. Lexa hoped if she coped with the pain accompanying the words, it would help her move on whenever she looked at the message. 'You'll get through this," she thought.

"You're really good." The tattooer praised.

"You too." Lexa pressed through her teeth. "The pictures outside are incredible."

"Oh, they're not mine." The woman laughed. "A local artist created them for me. She's incredible."

"I really like her stuff."

"Her gallery is only a few streets from here. If you want, I'll give you her business card. You could have a look?"

"I don't have much time or a place to put up any pictures." Lexa breathed out. "I'm not here on vacation. I'm with one of the cruise ships."

"Oh wow." The woman stopped and looked at Lexa who sighed in relief for the break. "That's cool. I always dreamed of sailing around the world."

"It's less romantic when you have a job to do." Lexa smiled knowingly.

"True. Ok. Ten more minutes. Can you handle that?"

Lexa nodded and closed her eyes and her mind drifted immediately to Clarke, wondering as usual if the blonde was alright.

* * *

"I'm ok." Clarke was on the phone with Betty, cosily relaxing in her hammock on her balcony.

"How's life dear?"

"I've been busy. Remember the quirky woman at the opening party of my gallery?"

"The one, who wanted you to do a dozen paintings for her store?"

Clarke laughed heartily. "Yeah Chrissy, well turned out she'd been serious. I've done two paintings for her so far and she bought another from the gallery and she wants at least three more for her walls."

"I'm so happy for you." Betty exclaimed proudly.

"How are you? Any plans to come to the island in the near future?" Clarke asked instead of indulging in the sentiment.

"Do you miss me?" The older woman laughed.

"Always." Clarke answered with a smile. "You haven't been here in a while."

"It's only been a few weeks. You should come here. It has been longer." Betty pointed out.

"I don't have any business there anymore." Her voice lacked any emotions.

"What about your friends?"

"I don't have many. I've been too busy pissing people off." Clarke laughed sarcastically. "I called my friend from the magazine the other day, Monroe. She'll be here in a few days."

"That's nice. Well I'll have a look at my planner, ok?"

"I'd like that." She really missed her friend after having spent so much time with her over the past months. They were silent for a moment and she knew what was coming next.

"Have you been to the harbour again?" Betty asked and Clarke sighed. The older woman had called the day after the 'Adventure of the Sea' had docked in Aruba after her last visit. She had made Clarke promise to go and see Lexa. Back then, the blonde had told her she hadn't been able to talk to the Chef.

"I have..." Clarke lied. She avoided leaving her apartment whenever the ship was due to dock. Her interpretation of what she had seen simply broke her heart. "Never saw her though."

"Ok." Betty said after a moment of silence. "Maybe she's on a different route at the moment. If you keep trying I'm sure you'll see her one day."

"Maybe." She had become really good in hiding behind her lies. Clarke stood up and headed into her apartment. "Hey, um… I have to go. I'm sorry."

"No problem and Clarke?"

"Yeah?" She answered resignedly.

"Don't give up."

Clarke felt like throwing the phone against the next best wall and screaming until the building collapsed and ended her sad excuse of a life, but she didn't. "Ok." She managed past the lump in her throat.

She didn't tell Betty the truth of Lexa being with Costia because she didn't want her to go to her and tell her how much she had hurt Clarke. Lexa deserved to be happy. Clarke didn't want to make the brunette responsible for breaking her heart, as she felt she earned having missed the chance with the Chef. Betty had been right, she had been destined to meet Lexa, but only to realise how awful her old self had been, and how awry her path of life had taken her.

Clarke sighed once more, when Betty remained calm. "I'll call you soon, ok?"

"Ok."

"Take care. Don't forget to tell me when you come."

"I won't."

"Bye Betty."

"Take care too Clarke."

* * *

"And there you go."

"Brave soldier." Costia grinned. "Come on, show me."

Lexa turned from the mirror and faced her friend, her arm outstretched for her to admire the piece of art.

"Wow." Costia's eyes lit up. "This is gorgeous."

"Yeah." Lexa nodded enthusiastically. "It is."

"Well I hope I could help." The woman said.

Lexa looked up from her arm with a smile. "Thank you."

"Can I take a picture of the tattoo? You know for the portfolio?" Lexa agreed and a moment later, the woman put the camera back down. "Alright, let me wrap you up and I'll give you some lotion you should apply. Can you be back in about four weeks?"

"I don't know for sure, but I could give you a call?"

"Sure."

Lexa paid and the two left the store, Costia linking their arms together. "Are you happier now that you have it?"

Lexa looked quickly over to her and smiled. "As happy as I can be at the moment."

"Fair enough. Let's go and show it to Raven and Octavia."

"The ship is leaving in an hour. We should hurry up."

A few days later Clarke picked up her friend from the airport.

"Wow, you do really live where other people go on vacation." Monroe laughed.

"Well, lucky in life I guess." Clarke answered, trying to get a taxi to stop. 'Unlucky in love.' She added in her head.

"So… how's life as an artist?" Monroe bubbled on.

"It has its perks." Clarke smiled. "I'm busy. This island is a gold mine. Rich tourists provide the local community with a lot of money, which they invest in my paintings." She grinned at that.

"Sounds like, you've finally arrived where you were supposed to be."

They'd become friends when they had both been new to the magazine. They'd shared laughter and cries over wine or whiskey. Monroe knew all about Clarke's first attempt at being an artist.

"Yeah." Clarke nodded and pushed her friend towards a car. "Come on."

After some sightseeing, they found themselves relaxing at the beach with takeout and beers.

"So, how are you doing?" Clarke asked after they'd done more small talk than real talk.

"I'm good. Busy. We still haven't replaced your position. Not sure why though."

"No one is as savage as I?" Clarke said sarcastically.

Monroe laughed, but sobered quickly. "You do know you've only done your job, right?"

"There are many ways to conduct a critique."

"Oh come on. Are you for real?" She faced the blonde. "You were honest and hard with your word, but you never lied or made it bigger than it was. You were great at it."

"Thanks Mon, but I really don't think so anymore."

"No one reads an article if it's just plain and boring. You were paid to be creative, paid to judge and ultimately paid to help sell the magazine."

Clarke looked at her for a long moment, thinking. "I know you're right, but it just doesn't ring true."

"Only because of the unbelievably small coincidence that you criticised a woman who called you out on it and is, and I quote, "insanely gorgeous". She ultimately broke through the Griffin defence."

Clarke rolled her eyes at that.

"You never questioned any of your other scathing reviews or apologised to the chefs or restaurants for your harsh words, even though you received complaints and rude emails. She's the only one who got to you." Monroe went on.

"She's special." Clarke offered as an explanation.

"She sure is." Monroe sipped her beer and stared out to the open sea. "Have you heard from her?"

"No."

"Your email was deactivated as soon as you left."

"I figured."

"Do you think she might have tried to contact you?"

"I doubt it." Clarke had given up on that hope a long time ago.

"Why?"

Clarke sighed. "She had two months to write to me if she'd wanted to."

"Maybe she was scared?" Monroe mused, but Clarke shook her head.

"She's with someone else." She whispered for the first time.

Monroe looked at her in surprise. "Really? How do you know?"

"I saw her." Clarke mumbled pained. "I went down to the harbour to talk to her, to tell her how I felt, and I saw her with a woman called Costia. She also works on the ship and has tried to get Lexa, as far as I know."

"Wow. That sucks."

"Hurts like hell."

"You look like it." She scooted closer to Clarke and wrapped her arm around. "You know, there was someone asking for you a couple weeks ago."

"What?" Clarke pushed her away a bit, surprise and hope in her eyes. "Who?"

"Don't know the name, but she literally begged Cindy for your address or phone number."

"What?" Clarke repeated perplexed. "Why haven't you told me earlier?" She asked accusingly.

"I've been so busy and I didn't know who she was." She shrugged. "I'm sorry I forgot."

"What did she look like?" Clarke asked, desperate for information.

"I only saw her from the back." Monroe answered apologetically. "Long brown hair, slim figure."

"No one tried to call me." Clarke said shaking her head, her small hope crushed again.

"She didn't get the information. Cindy had sent her away. I saw her flopping down on the stairs outside, but I was in a hurry." Monroe watched the blonde. "I'm really sorry, I didn't think it would be her."

They kept quiet for a moment, Clarke digesting this new information. It couldn't have been Lexa. Monroe had to be wrong. Clarke had seen her with Costia a month ago. 'Lexa was with someone else. She hadn't been looking for me.' It could have been Raven or Octavia, she mused.

"Do you think it could have been her?" Monroe stopped Clarke's fall into madness.

"Why would she be wanting to get back in touch if she was with someone else?"

"I don't know. Maybe your information is wrong?"

Clarke remained silent, wondering herself if she had seen more than there was. "No." She shook her head with finality. "I can't go on hoping for something, which isn't there. I've done that for way to long." She sat up straighter. "I don't know how, but I have to try to get over her."

"You've been trying for four months. Why don't you go and ask her? Clarify if she really is with this other woman and if not tell her you love her."

"I can't do that." Clarke resigned. "I can't make her feel responsible for breaking my heart."

"Ok." Her friend raised her hand surrendering as well. "Now that I have effectively thrown you into a funk…" Clarke grinned painfully at that. "How 'bout you show me your gallery and tell me everything about it?" She stood up and offered her hand.

"Wanna see my latest commissioned project?" Clarke accepted the hand and let herself be pulled up.

"Yeah sure. What is it?"

"A tattoo parlour."

It didn't take them long to reach the store in question and they quietly entered and Clarke showed her work.

"Wow." Monroe smiled approvingly at the paintings. "I love this one."

"Many do." They turned around to see the owner stepping into her store. "Hi Clarke. Any new stuff for me?"

"Hi Chrissy, no and I told you not to push." Clarke smiled and hugged the woman in greeting.

"I won't, but this one has generated quite some interest." She gestured to the same Monroe had admired.

"Really?" Clarke smiled proudly. She had used Betty's request to paint what had been in her heart and had created a version fitting for a tattoo place.

"Yup." Chrissy confirmed. "So, what can I do for you if you don't have news for me?"

"I just wanted to show my friend your store." Clarke gestured to Monroe.

"That's cool. Want a tattoo?"

Monroe looked questioningly at Clarke who shrugged. "What's your specialty?"

Chrissy's eye lit up at the question. "I can show you some of the latest tats I've done?" She raised an eyebrow in question and lifted one of her booklets.

"Sure, why not. I haven't really been thinking on getting more though."

"Maybe you'll get inspired?"

Monroe nodded and started thumbing through the book, whilst Clarke was looking over her shoulder. "I like this one." She pointed to an artistic creation of flowers and blossoms.

"You're too sarcastic for such a feminine one." Clarke laughed, but stopped her friend in her movement, returning to the page, Monroe had just jumped past. It showed the inside of an arm and two short sentences in a flowing, intricate font.

**TAKE EVERY CHANCE. DROP EVERY FEAR.**

"Clarke?" Monroe poked her hand when the blonde didn't react.

"Huh? Oh sorry." Clarke blushed and turned the page over. "I… it… spoke to me."

"I know right?" She watched her, but didn't say anything else.

They finished looking through the various, very different photographs and returned the book back to Chrissy.

"So?"

"You're really talented. I might come back." Clarke said surprising the other two.

"My pleasure." Chrissy said with a smile.

They said their goodbyes and finally went to Clarke's place to settle down for the evening. Monroe avoided any Lexa related topic and Clarke focused on being extra chirpy to not spike another round of interrogation. It had felt good to hear from someone that she hadn't been as awful as she had been telling herself for the past months, but it didn't change her stand on Lexa. She didn't want to stir trouble or cause guilty feelings. Lexa deserved to be happy, Clarke repeated to herself more than once. She had to learn to live with the fact that it wasn't her who would make the brunette happy.

Monroe left a few days later, leaving Clarke to focus on her business again.

* * *

"Why are you hiding in here?" Lexa was hunched over her desk in her little office at the back of the kitchen, when Raven came in searching for her.

"I'm working not hiding." She rolled her eyes.

"The first 'tour downtime drink' party is tonight. You coming." Raven didn't pronounce it as a question and Lexa knew it wasn't meant as an invitation but a request.

They'd just left the harbour in San Juan a few hours ago and Lexa had her hands full creating new versions of her food to entertain and distract herself. The tattoo had healed nicely in the last two weeks and she would stop by the parlour when the ship docked in Aruba on this trip to have it inspected for any ink loss. Lexa leaned back and studied Raven's serious face. "Fine. I'll be there."

"Good. Wow, that was easy. You ok?" Raven smirked at her.

"Funny… you can leave now Ray."

"Hey Lex, I'm glad you'll come. We missed you." She smiled sincerely now.

"What do you mean? I've been right here."

"You look more like yourself than you have in a long time."

"Life goes on. I can't keep being stuck in the past." Lexa said quietly, crossing her fingers at the lie.

"Very true." Raven pushed off the desk and left the office throwing, "We'll meet at nine in the club," over her shoulder.

"I'll stop by when I'm finished."

"See you."

Lexa nodded, although she knew Raven couldn't see her. She really had tried hard to get back on track and on the surface she appeared to be ok now. She smiled and laughed with colleagues and guests as much as she could, but when she was alone she kept staring at her tattoo. She still missed her. Her heart was still stubbornly beating her name when she closed her eyes. Clar-ke, Clar-ke, Clar-ke. Why couldn't she forget about her? Why couldn't she move on? She was tired and fed up, but worse than missing the blonde was the fact that she couldn't do anything about it.

Time would heal all wounds Raven and Octavia and even Costia had preached to her over and over to no avail. Lexa had listened and agreed and smiled and pushed on, but inside she still yearned for the blonde. She kept it to herself though. She had heard enough unwanted advice from the ones close to her.

The evening went by without a hiccup, although the first dinner usually led to many confused guests and overwhelmed service staff. This time it was a smooth start and Lexa was relieved and somewhat happy when she entered the club and spotted her friends at their usual table.

"Lex. How was dinner?" Costia asked and handed her a drink.

"Alright." She smiled.

They cheered and laughed and Lexa relaxed more and more. Life was good to her, her job was challenging and exciting, her friends were a few but loyal and she cared for them greatly. 'Who needs love when everything else was perfect?' She thought the same moment she felt a hand on top of hers and she looked up from her musing and into warm, curious eyes. "Betty?"

"Hello Lexa."

"What are you doing here?" She asked dumbfounded.

"Enjoying the cruise." Betty smiled at the confusion on the Chef's face. "I've missed your food."

"How?" Lexa looked as if she'd seen a ghost unable to articulate her thoughts, when the rest of the group recognised Betty as well and invited the older woman to join them at their table.

"Well, I really hope you're not planning on sending one of the women here a drink in Lexa's name." Raven laughed at the memory.

"Oh my... That wasn't my brightest idea, was it?" Betty smiled sheepishly.

The table erupted in laughter and Lexa faked a smile to play along, but her mind went a million miles a second. 'Was Betty still in contact with Clarke? Has she got Clarke's number? Did she know where Clarke was? Betty and Clarke? Clarke? Clarke?'

"Lexa?" Betty softly touched her arm. "Did you hear me?"

"No, I'm sorry, I wasn't listening." She didn't disguise her confusion.

"I asked, how you're doing?"

"Fine." It came out more rehearsed than Lexa had wanted it to.

"I've heard you've been busy a lot." Betty watched her carefully.

"Yeah, well I'm keeping the food unpredictable." Lexa cringed at her lame response.

"You're still doing a great job."

"I try my best."

Betty studied her for a moment, before she leaned closer. "And how are you really doing?" All she knew was that Lexa had been too busy to talk to Clarke. Betty wondered if she still thought about Clarke as much as the blonde did.

Lexa sighed and closed her eyes. 'Here starts the pity party,' she thought. "Coping." She finally answered.

"How so?" Betty asked curiously.

"Listen. No offense, but I'm not in the mood to talk about it right now." Lexa deflected, worrying her friends would launch into another intervention and make her go through endless amounts of reasons why she shouldn't pine after someone who didn't want to be found.

Betty examined the younger woman silently. She was just as beautiful as she had remembered her, but Lexa's eyes had lost their sparkle. She looked like the shell of the woman she had come to know. "Ok darling. Let's enjoy our first night." She relented after a moment and Lexa smiled thankfully at her.

* * *

It took Betty almost another week of the cruise until she finally managed to talk to Lexa.

The brunette had been off the ship as quickly as possible each morning and back before Betty could find her on any island. She never saw her in the evenings although she did her best to mingle and be out of her cabin as long as she could manage. Betty hadn't pushed it thinking she had enough time left and also hoped she would just run into the woman and catch her in a better mood.

The morning of the first of the two cruising days she saw Octavia at the swimming pool. She was on lifeguard duty. She hugged her quickly with a smile.

"How has life been treating you?" The younger woman asked with her eye fixed on the busy pool.

"I've been travelling a lot." Betty offered.

"Lucky you. I'd love to just be all over the world."

"It's kind of my job dear."

"Um, aren't you too old to still be working?" Octavia blushed at her slip-up, but Betty laughed her back to easiness.

"Not a real compliment, but you're not wrong. I am actually retired and helping my family business."

"By travelling?"

Betty didn't go into details.

"That's cool. Well, welcome back. You must really like this trip?" Octavia went on.

"I am." Betty smiled. "Can I ask you a question?" Upon her nod she continued. "How has Lexa been?"

"You mean after 'her who shall not be named' had rudely left her?" She huffed.

"Pardon me?" Betty studied her surprised.

"You guys just left without a word."

"Oh no… is that what she thinks?"

"Not much to misinterpret. Clarke was gone when Lexa came back. I wasn't there, but Costia told us Lexa had been devastated."

"Has that been the reason she hasn't contacted her?"

"Probably. I'm not really sure what went through Lexa's head in the beginning, but she had tried to reach her. The email had been undeliverable. Don't know if you know, but Clarke doesn't work at the newspaper anymore."

"She had sent an email?" Betty asked astonished. "Oh no…" She trailed off staring at Octavia with big eyes.

"Yeah, Lexa even went all the way to the company's headquarters to ask for any information to get back in contact with her."

Betty lowered her head. This could have been avoided, if Clarke had kept working as a critic. It had been her fault. She had kept them apart.

"Betty? You ok?"

"I need to talk to Lexa." She pressed past the lump in her throat.

"There's nothing to talk about…" She watched the older woman. "Unless you know something I don't." Betty grimaced at the words and Octavia looked alarmed. "Are you still in contact with Clarke?" The brunette asked slowly disbelieving that this disastrous story still had fuel to come back alive.

"I am."

"Where the hell is she? Lexa and Raven have searched the whole internet for her."

"I need to talk to Lexa. I'm sorry." Betty stood up, ignoring Octavia's question.

"I don't know where she is. Maybe in the kitchen? Let me quickly ask." She unclipped her walkie-talkie and radioed the kitchen. They told her Lexa was off this morning. "She could be in her cabin?"

"Where is it?"

"Guests aren't allowed down there."

"I'll manage. Don't worry."

Octavia raised her eyebrows at that and crossed her arms.

"Just tell me the cabin number and I'll explain it to you later." Betty promised exasperatedly.

"You better not push her back into the brooding, hurting Lexa she had been in the beginning." Octavia warned her. "It's room number 307."

Betty sped off with a hasty "thank you" and "see you later". She quickly managed her way down the ship, knowing it well enough, as she had spent a lot of time on them. She stopped in front of Lexa's cabin and listened to the music escaping the room.

 _Waited a hundred years to see your face_  
and I would wait a hundred more,  
if only to be near you,  
to have you and to hear you.  
Isn't that what time is for?

Sailed a thousand ships in search of you,  
travelled to distant lands.  
I dove for sunken gold,  
I took what I could hold, but you're  
still the greatest treasure I've held in my hands.

 _My love, the reason I survive,_  
trust we'll be together soon.  
Should our fire turn to dark,  
take my heart with you.  


Betty swallowed emptily. She wasn't sure if Lexa listened to the song because she thought the same and still hoped for Clarke to come back to her or if she actually had given up and had handed her heart over to the darkness. She needed to tell Lexa what had really happened, and give her and Clarke the second chance they hopefully both still wanted. Betty tentatively knocked at the cabin and the music immediately got switched off, but Lexa didn't open the door.

"Lexa?" Betty called out to her. "I need to talk to you." She heard some shuffling as if Lexa was getting up from her bed and a second later the door opened, revealing the woman in baggy clothes and red-rimmed eyes.

"What are you doing here? You're not allowed -"

"I need to talk to you. Can I come in?" Betty cut her off impatiently.

"I'd rather not be seen with a guest." Lexa shut her down.

"I'm not a guest. Please let me explain."

Lexa only furrowed her brows but after another moment she stepped aside and Betty quickly got in and closed the door to the outside world.

"What do you mean, you're not a guest?" Lexa asked quizzically.

"Later." She brushed her off. "Right now I want to know how you feel about Clarke."

Lexa eyes grew wide at the boldness of the woman. "I don't think I owe you an answer if you don't give me an explanation."

"Ok, ok." Betty nodded and looked around the cabin and finally sat down on a small sofa. Lexa kept standing with her arms crossed. "First of all, I'm not a guest, because the ship company belongs to my family."

"What?" Lexa gaped at her in disbelief.

Betty went on without a break. "Yes, and secondly, Clarke is still crazy about you and misses you and wonders where you are and if you're happy." She stopped and looked expectantly at Lexa, who still stood with her mouth open. "Do you feel the same about her?"

Lexa blinked a few times, before she cleared her throat and answered with a painful smile. "Do I miss her?" She repeated with a sigh. "Letting go of Clarke is the hardest thing I've ever tried." She whispered and flopped down on the floor in front of Betty. "I miss her so much."

Betty smiled although she felt the pain radiating off Lexa in an almost unbearable way.

"Please don't tell anyone." Lexa added after a moment.

"I won't." Betty promised. "You should though. I know she's dying to hear this from you."

"I tried, but my efforts were for nothing."

"Darling." Betty spoke up quietly. "I know I promised to never meddle again, but you two need help right now. I'm meeting Clarke in Aruba. I'll have her come to the harbour and you can be there and talk to her. Can you do that?"

"What?" Lexa squeaked. "Why are you meeting her in Aruba?"

"Long story and something Clarke should tell you."

"This is all very confusing Betty."

"Well, do you want another chance?"

"Hell yes." Lexa blurted out and blushed at her eagerness. "Are you sure she's still interested?"

"Positive dear. She's still waiting for you." Betty repeated with a smile and pulled out her phone.

* * *

"Why do I have to pick you up at the harbour?" Clarke whined. "Are you not coming by plane?"

"I'm meeting someone there. It's for business. I thought we could go and have brunch at the little café around the corner afterwards?"

Betty lied; she didn't want to spoil the surprise for Clarke. She imagined her all over the place, when she sees Lexa waiting for her instead.

"Fine. When do you want me there?"

"How does ten o'clock sound?"

"Awfully early."

Betty laughed and showed a thumbs up to Lexa who had been standing close by, heart beating like an overexcited drum solo at hearing Clarke's voice. She still affected her in a way Lexa had never experienced.

"Ok, I'll see you in three days?"

"Sure."

They exchanged their goodbyes and Betty hung up.

"She doesn't sound happy to see you." Lexa mused.

"I know." Betty agreed worriedly. "Maybe she's just busy."

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"As long as you promise to be honest to her, I doubt anything can go wrong."

Lexa was still sceptical, but she had a few days to prepare herself. The prospect of finally seeing Clarke again outweighed all her fear. She subconsciously touched her tattoo before sitting down next to Betty with a crooked smile on her face. "So tell me again how you own this ship?"

"You two are so alike. Clarke asked me exactly the same question." Betty laughed and went on to explain her background.

* * *

Three days went by faster than ever and Lexa found herself standing on top of the ship watching it slowly dock in Oranjestad. She had never been more nervous than in this moment. She knew Clarke would be here in approximately two hours and she wouldn't expect her. Lexa had put all her trust in Betty to know what she was doing. She had spent the last 48 hours thinking about what she wanted to say and tell Clarke. What she wanted her to know. It was now or never. Lexa raked a hand through her long hair.

"Hi there, nervous?" Costia stepped up next to her and leaned against the banister.

"Tremendously." Lexa winced at her quavering voice.

"I can tell." Costia smiled genuinely.

"What if Betty is wrong? What if she's over me?" After Betty had told her how much Clarke had suffered in the beginning after they had parted, she was convinced that the blonde had had feelings for her. 'Please let Betty be right and those feelings are still there', Lexa hoped silently.

"Then you'll finally get the closure you need."

"Not the outcome I'd like though."

"I'd be shocked if it was." Costia hugged her awkwardly. "Listen Lexa, this woman is stupid if she didn't consider giving you guys a chance. And no…" She pointed her finger at the brunette, who sported a doubting grimace at the words. "You are a catch and this isn't coming from my initial attraction to you. I love you. As a friend." She assured.

"Was pretty easy for you to get over me …" Lexa mused with worry.

"Oh please, attraction isn't love."

"You think it is?"

"Love?" Costia asked for clarification and Lexa confirmed with a nod. "Well… I do think she loves you. And I think you guys are destined to be together. What did Betty call you…?" She smiled. "Soulmates."

"You should stop hanging out with her. Her over romantic worldview makes you sound hilarious."

"Well, if I get you to smile until blondie is here, I've done my job."

Lexa lowered her head and did smile a little. "I just hope… I don't even know what I hope for."

"Well, I hope for a full on make out session."

"Cos!" Lexa blushed. "You shouldn't hang out with Raven either."

"Don't pretend you don't want this."

"I'll shut up now. I'll only lose." Lexa averted her eyes and fixed her gaze onto the harbour area. She had been here at least five times in the last months and she never had thought she would ever see Clarke again, here of all places. Lexa suspected she was on vacation. She hadn't asked Betty, it seemed the only logical solution. Maybe the blonde had loved it here so much that she had wanted to come back? Maybe Clarke had saved up money after she had quit her contract and just enjoyed her life now? Or ran away from it? The thought made her sad and hopeful at the same time. If she was the reason for the escape, she might also be the one being able to capture her…

They finally finished the landing process and Lexa walked slowly down the bridge and sat on a bench under a tree and waited with her heart in her throat and her hands were shaking nervously. She saw Betty exiting the ship a while later and waved at her. The older woman wanted to wait in the café to give them privacy. If everything worked out the way they hoped, she would meet up with them later, before the ship had to leave.

Lexa chewed on her lip and got up to pace to reduce the immeasurable built up tension inside her body.

* * *

Clarke dreaded going down to the harbour. She wasn't stupid, she knew exactly when 'The Adventure' would be in Aruba and it made sense for Betty to combine business and pleasure by coming here, but Clarke hated it.

She wanted to message Betty she would be waiting at the café, but she hated this even more. She couldn't hide for the rest of her life. She wouldn't give Lexa and Costia the satisfaction of knowing they have broken her. So she found herself walking slowly closer and closer to the harbour. She could see the ship in its usual spot and she contemplated for a moment where to wait, but decided she would plant herself right in the centre. If they saw her, she wanted to come across as if she had everything under control and was full of confidence.

* * *

When Lexa saw her it took her breath away and her heartbeat impossibly quickened. She hadn't seen Clarke in what felt like forever. The blonde looked stunning in shorts and a tank top showing off bronze skin. Lexa breathed in slowly and finally made her way out of the shadows towards her.

Clarke did a double take, when she saw her. Lexa smiled her big, disarming smile and she walked slowly but purposefully towards her. Alone. Clarke couldn't move, helplessly watching Lexa getting closer and closer until she stopped right in front of her.

Lexa had wanted to say so many things, but now she was speechless. She couldn't stop herself from roaming over Clarke's face. She had missed the blue eyes, the cute nose, the sensual lips, and the teasing beauty spot. God, she had missed her.

Clarke nervously licked her lips, overwhelmed by the feelings erupting inside of her when she got lost in the green she had dreamed about every night. She was right there; just half an arm's length away and she could touch the woman who had commanded her heart for so long. Subconsciously, she stepped closer.

Lexa's pupils were blown wide despite the bright light and they zoomed in on Clarke's tongue wetting her lips and she couldn't help but close the gap even further, leaving little room between them.

An inch apart, after being separated for days, weeks, months. They breathed in each other's air, their heartbeats erratically thrumming in their chests. Lexa reached out to touch Clarke's hands, to pull her into her, to finally close the distance and put an end to the pain and hurt. Clarke felt warm fingertips at her wrist and she looked up from Lexa's lips to her eyes and sighed, her body betraying everything inside of her. She let herself be pulled closer, but before she felt soft lips grazing her own, she uttered the words, which had tormented her for the past weeks. "You're not mine to kiss, Lexa." She croaked, voice full of want and desire but laced with the unmistakeable pain caused by the admission. With that Clarke stepped away from the brunette who looked dazed and confused at her, and before she could open her mouth, Clarke turned around and ran.

"Clarke?" Lexa called out and followed her down the road, but the blonde seemed to know the town and within a few meters Lexa had lost her in the maze of narrow streets and too many people.

"Clarke?" Lexa cried out, disinterested if she caught the attention of those around her. "Claaaaarke." She jogged into another small street and turned the corner and ran further but found herself quickly back at the harbour. Lexa turned in circles, still calling out for Clarke in utter desperation, when she felt a hand pulling her against a body and strong arms wrapped around her guiding her away from the tourists who had watched her falling apart.

"Let go off me Octavia."

Lexa pushed against her, but she didn't budge. "Slow down a minute."

"I need to find her."

"What the hell happened?" Raven and Costia had caught up with them, out of breath due to running. They had been watching their friend in hope of a happy end. "Where is she?"

"I need to find her." Lexa repeated.

"Get Betty." Octavia instructed Costia who nodded and ran off.

"Lexa calm down. What happened?" Raven softly grabbed Lexa's chin and forced her gaze on her. She had seen Lexa devastated so many times in the last months she hurt for her.

"I… I don't… I can't…" She was confused and unable to formulate her thoughts; still twisting to get a glimpse of the direction she had seen Clarke disappearing in.

It only took a few minutes and Betty returned to the harbour as quickly as she could. Lexa was sat down on a bench with Octavia stroking her arms and Raven soothingly patting her knee.

"Lexa?" She slowed down and called out to the brunette.

"Your plan backfired. She just left her standing there like an idiot." Raven answered angrily.

"I don't believe it for a second." Betty huffed and beckoned Raven to move over. "Lexa, tell me what you told her."

Lexa wiped over her face and looked up. "Nothing. She just ran away."

"I know Clarke. She's head over heels in love with you." Betty said puzzled.

"Well she did say something to you, didn't she?" Octavia coaxed Lexa who nodded.

"She said I wasn't hers to kiss."

"What the hell does that even mean?" Costia mumbled, kneeling down in front of Lexa, who shrugged clueless.

"Where is she now?" Betty asked looking around.

"Vanished again."

"You two are insufferable." Betty huffed out. "Listen Lexa, Clarke is living here…" Betty searched in her bag for her phone. "I've got her address. I'm sure she's there."

"What do you mean she lives here?"

"Go to her and use your words for a change. Talk to her." Betty told her, but Lexa only shook her head.

"She doesn't want me anymore."

"Fine." Betty sighed. "I'll call her and find out what's going on and then you go to her." Lexa stared at her in confusion. "Well, I'm sure it's a misunderstanding." She explained and dialled Clarke's number.

"Hi." She said over happily. "Where are you? I'm done with the meeting." Betty listened to the other end. "Clarke, stop crying, I can't understand you." She said in a much softer voice and Lexa looked at her alarmed and mouthed "Is she ok".

"Clarke, please calm down. Where are you?" Betty went on, watching Lexa's face. "You're at home?" Betty looked intently at Lexa and gestured for her to give her something to write on. Costia straightened up instead and ran into the nearest tourist information. "Clarke, dear, please calm down. What is with Lexa?" The blonde had repeated the name over and over without any more information. Costia came back with a small map and Betty circled the gallery and gave Lexa the map, but she kept sitting and tried to hear Betty's conversation with Clarke.

"Ok ok… you've seen her? What happened? I thought you wanted to talk to her if she had time." She remained silent for a moment and listened to Clarke rambling on, before repeating her words out loud. "She's dating Costia?" Betty furrowed her brows and looked from one to the other and tilted her head questioningly. Lexa's eyes widened and she immediately shook her head vehemently at the indication, whilst Costia furrowed her brows negating the notion as well.

"No Clarke, she's not with her, you must have misinterpreted the situation." Betty said and pushed Lexa up and urged her to run to the marked address. Lexa looked back at them for another second, but when they all gestured for her to go she finally turned around and sprinted off.

"I know this because I asked her." Betty continued talking to Clarke. "Yes, I asked her if she is with Costia and she made it very obvious she's not." She was calm for another moment, before saying in a louder voice. "Calm down, you haven't screwed up."

The conversation went on for a few more minutes and Betty hoped that Lexa would be there any time soon, because she was worried for Clarke's sanity. She knew it was a short walk from the harbour to the gallery and Lexa had took off really fast. She was just about to tell her once more to calm down, when Clarke suddenly uttered she had to go and hung up.

"Clarke?" Betty looked puzzled at her phone.

"What the hell? This is crazy…" Raven exclaimed. "Is she ok?"

"I hope Lexa is there." Betty mumbled.

* * *

As soon as Clarke had finally understood that she had been an idiot, she had hung up and stumbled through her apartment to the exit. She yanked the door open to get back to the harbour, but paused abruptly upon seeing Lexa bent over with one hand on her knee and the other high in the air as if she had wanted to knock the second Clarke had torn open the door.

They looked at each other. Surprise was quickly replaced by shame in the blue eyes, whilst the worry in the green morphed into relief.

Lexa righted up and closed the distance to Clarke once more, whispering, "I only want to be yours".

"I…" Clarke breathed but stopped and crashed her lips against Lexa's and pulled her at the lapel of her shirt against her body. The kiss was desperate, full of pent-up emotions. Lexa groaned and pushed Clarke against the wall, leaning into her and digging her hands painfully into hips. Clarke moved her hands from the front around to the back and purposefully down until they rested on Lexa's lower back clawing at the skin she found there. She moaned at the intensity of the kiss and Lexa licked into her open mouth, eliciting a needy whimper. When Clarke caressed her tongue Lexa moaned obscenely and pressed further into her body pushing one leg between Clarke's and making her grind down on it by pulling on her hips.

"Oh god…" Clarke gasped breathlessly when they separated for air and she steadied their frantic movements. She looked at Lexa's big eyes and full lips, kiss swollen and raw and she started to smile. The genuine smile, which grew bigger by the second, found its mirror image on the beauty in front of her.

"I want you to be mine." She finally husked and Lexa closed the small gap and kissed her softly and lovingly this time, putting her emotions into the language Clarke's body understood and reciprocated without missing a heartbeat. They were finally home.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooooooooo... that was awful? Great? All the close calls. I admit, I made myself go crazy at times.
> 
> Anyway, for those who read 'Love At First Flight' the next part of this author's note is not new anymore. For everyone else - please continue.
> 
> I haven't actually started on the final chapter, but I promise an orgasmic ending absolutely latest by the end of this hell of a year. Let's get it over with.
> 
> On another note: Tomorrow or for some today is the first Advent. Yay... Christmas is coming... I have decided this year to create an Advent story. I'll post a chapter each day, they'll be significantly shorter than my usual length and by the 24th of December you'll have fluffy Christmas. Sounds good? Well then stay tuned for 'Driving Home For Christmas' from the first of December on. See ya. Take care.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to this story and its final chapter. Thanks for sticking around and I hope you'll enjoy their journey to happiness. Please note the change of rating! ;)

 

* * *

Before the kiss could turn intimate once more, Clarke opened her door and pulled Lexa along over the threshold. She separated her lips from hers and spun them around, before shutting out the world. When she turned back she was overwhelmed at the intensity of the green eyes. Her heart skipped a beat at the display of want and need and her brain short-circuited and any thought of talking about their situation left her mind. She pushed herself into Lexa and wrapped her lips once more around plump ones, kissing her desperately and deeply.

"Clarke…" Lexa started to articulate a thought she hadn't finished formulating in her brain and ended with breathing the name over and over like a mantra into the blonde's mouth. They broke out of their kiss-induced trance and just stared at each other. Green sent reassurance and blue asked for consent, which was given by a slight nod and a soft smile. Clarke took Lexa's hands into hers and led her up the stairs to her apartment. They stopped in between, needing to convince each other that this wasn't a dream with desperate kisses and eager hands. This was reality. They were both in the same spot at the same time.

Clarke pushed the brunette onto her bed and followed her a second later to reconnect their bodies. This time neither hesitated. Hands impatiently wandered under shirts and pulled offending clothing off, leaving them a quivering naked mass of limbs. Nails scratched urgently over soft, smooth skin, and teeth sank into the vast expense of sensitive flesh.

Lexa licked down Clarke's neck, over her collarbone and reached stiff nipples, she had caressed with her hands. She sucked one into her warm mouth and moaned loudly at the feeling of it. Clarke threw back her head and grinded down hard against the waist she was straddling. The brunette quickly reversed their positions and pushed Clarke roughly onto the mattress, lifted her impatient hands above her head and pinned them down. The blonde groaned and pushed her hips up in search of any kind of friction. Lexa gave in and settled her leg against the blonde's centre letting her rub along her thigh for a moment. Her senses were in overdrive. Clarke's sounds drove her positively crazy and it felt impossible to stay away any longer from the centre of her sole attention which was calling out to her, pulling her in like a dog on a leash. Lexa descended down Clarke's body, licking, biting, sucking along the way until she reached her goal and she dove in with an enthusiasm she had never felt before. If she couldn't taste her right this instance, Lexa was positive she'd explode in frustration.

"Fuuuck…" Clarke cried out when Lexa's tongue licked through her and her body jolted into the brunette's mouth wanting more. She didn't mind one bit, when she took her clit between her lips and pressed down softly, making Clarke let out another string of profanities. Lexa watched the writhing woman beneath her in awe, moving in pleasure against her mouth and tongue. She closed her eyes and deeply inhaled the scent, eager to memorize it for eternity. She moved her tongue down to Clarke's entrance and circled the opening teasingly, drinking in the gush of liquid and growled possessively. She licked back up and suckled on her, before she moved her arm, making her hand slowly wander up Clarke's leg, scratching her short nails along until she reached where she was wanted. When Lexa entered her, Clarke gasped and mewled at the sensation. Her fingers worked her up and over in a matter of minutes and she came hard with an intensity that left her breathless and speechless for a moment.

Lexa watched her from her spot between her legs after licking her clean. She felt connected in a weird sense of belonging although her and Clarke hadn't seen each other in a long time. She felt content and happy and it overwhelmed her. She suppressed a sob, but Clarke felt the harsh swallowing against her sensitive skin and looked down.

"Hey, what's wrong?" She rasped, voice even deeper than normal in her post orgasmic bliss and Lexa shuddered at the sound. She looked up and shook her head as a replacement of a verbal response. Clarke watched her unconvinced and after a moment she pulled at her, indicating she wanted her higher up. Lexa followed her direction and lied softly down on top of her, before kissing her deeply. Although she didn't know what caused her to well up, Clarke didn't feel any reason to believe Lexa didn't want to be here anymore in the way she reciprocated her kisses. She assumed she was just as consumed by the explosion of feelings and emotions as Clarke herself was.

Lexa felt her move underneath her and tried to break the kiss to see what she was doing, but Clarke wouldn't let her. Instead, she intensified her ministrations with her tongue and Lexa felt another wave of arousal hitting her body, making her impossibly wetter. One movement later and Lexa understood the saying 'I'll make you see stars'. Her eyes rolled back into her head and she felt herself spasm around Clarke's fingers, drawing her effectively deeper inside. She didn't feel the slightest bit embarrassed when she came within seconds and collapsed unceremoniously on top of Clarke, who wrapped her arms around the lithe frame and held her close.

They stayed like that for a while. Lexa breathing in the unique fragrance, a mix of warmth and serenity spiced with a soft note of sweat and laced by a notion of vanilla. It was a perfect combination and so fitting for the blonde, who kept stroking lazy circles on Lexa's back, up and down and left and right, lulling her into the state between awake and asleep.

Calmness had replaced the frantic need to touch each other and explore what they had missed all these months. All they craved at the moment was the feeling of the other close without an inch of space between their skins. Connected from head to toe.

"I'm sorry." Lexa heard her whispering and lifted her head to look into endless blue.

"I'm sorry too." She replied sincerely, losing her grip on this world and feeling herself slipping into the ocean. They kept looking at each other; eyes wandering over every facial feature and lingering at lips.

"How long do I have you?" Clarke mumbled.

"I have to be back on the ship for the dinner shift, but we don't leave until 10 pm." She replied and kissed her gently.

Clarke nodded with a small smile and moved Lexa slowly off of her to grab the thin bed sheet to cover them. They rested on their sides facing each other, legs a tangled chaos, fingers intertwined, eyes not once leaving their counterpart. They had so many questions, so many 'whys', but neither voiced them out loud. Neither wanted to disturb the tranquillity they had fallen into after the longing had been somewhat stilled.

"I've missed you so much." Lexa said after a long moment of shared glances and smiles. "God I missed your eyes the most." She breathed softly.

"My eyes? Really?" Clarke winked at her and wiggled her eyebrows in jest.

"Well…" Lexa started and blushed deeply. "I'm trying to be romantic here."

Clarke laughed gently and pushed a few strands of loose hair behind the brunette's ear, before she murmured. "I've missed you too and it nearly killed me when I thought you were with her."

Lexa squinted her eyes at the admission and pushed herself slightly up, resting her head on her arm. "Why did you think that?"

"I saw you with her at the harbour."

"You saw me and you didn't talk to me?"

"You were with her."

They locked gazes once more; jade eyes jumped from one sky to the other and back. She saw hurt and pain in them and felt her heart break a little at the emotions.

"I was never with her or interested in her. We're friends. She helped me going on instead of giving up."

"She fancied you. What happened?"

"You happened." Lexa shrugged and sat up completely, raking a hand through her hair, before styling it into a loose bun.

"Wait a second." Clarke shot up when Lexa lifted her arms and reached out to touch the inside of her left arm. "I saw this in Chrissy's folder." She traced the words inked beautifully into Lexa's skin.

"I had it done three weeks ago." Lexa eyes went big. "Don't tell me you know her."

"She's a customer of my gallery. I created some paintings for her."

"Nooooo…" Lexa drawled. "The one with the woman and the heart is yours?"

Clarke nodded, surprised Lexa had seen it and remembered the specifics. "It's a long story." She offered. "Looks like we were supposed to meet again. Betty was right, fate is a funny thing." Clarke pulled her down again.

"I can't believe you were that close. I wish I had seen you. I wish I could have talked to you. I wish we hadn't lost so much time." Lexa shook her head in frustration.

"I'm sorry I drew the wrong conclusion, but you never reached out and I really thought, you had moved on."

"Well, after you left without a goodbye, I thought you weren't interested. It took me until your review to be brave enough to send you an email. It was returned as undeliverable though."

"I quit my job and moved here."

The absurdity of all the obstacles in their path let them look at each other in astonishment.

When Clarke opened her mouth, Lexa stopped her with a finger against her lips. "Can we talk about something else? This misunderstanding and its consequences makes me angry."

"We don't have to talk at all." The blonde replied with a cheeky grin and Lexa returned the gesture and captured the mouth once more in a passionate embrace of her lips.

This time they explored each other slowly and sensually, making love in the most honest and sincere way they ever had loved someone. Gentle hands wandered over curves and stroked along muscles, which contracted under soft touches. They took their time, pushing the other over the edge and in the quietness of Clarke's apartment the whispered admission of feelings felt like closure and beginning all at once.

"Where do we go from here?" Clarke asked quietly and Lexa looked at her with a sad smile.

"I don't want to leave."

"I know."

"We can manage. I'll be back every two to three weeks. I can take vacation. You can come to San Juan when I'm off between cruises." Lexa rattled off.

"You think we can do this?"

"I'm so in love with you, I can't give up on you. I want us to try." Lexa kissed her, pouring her love into the motion, leaving Clarke breathless.

"I'm madly in love with you too." She managed after a moment and let her lips take over and tell what she can't with words.

* * *

"Do you want to eat something?" Clarke asked when Lexa's stomach announced its presence.

"I just did."

Clarke slapped her playfully and rolled her eyes.

"In all honesty, I can't remember the last time I had food. I was so nervous." Lexa admitted.

"Ok. Let's get something then." Clarke stood up and put her shorts and shirt back on, not bothering with any underwear for the time being. Lexa followed her shortly after.

"So, I assume seeing each other at the harbour has Betty written all over it?" The blonde asked over her shoulder. Lexa had dropped down on a chair at a little kitchen table, watching her preparing sandwiches.

"She came up with the whole idea actually. I didn't know you were here."

"Yeah, after I came back to the States, I didn't really know what to do with myself. I loathed my job, but I had nothing else to distract me from missing you and wondering if we'd ever get another opportunity. I didn't know how to get in contact with you. Even Betty had no means."

"What are the odds that she's one of the owners of the ship company?" Lexa said in amusement.

"Right?" Clarke looked at her with a baffled expression. "Anyway…" She continued. "She saw my paintings, asked me to create the original heart painting, the one in the parlour is based on, and after all that she offered me the loan to set up my gallery."

"How come you ended up in Aruba of all places?"

"Honest answer?" Clarke asked and blushed.

"Yes please."

"Well, I felt a connection to this town I haven't felt elsewhere and I had tried once to be an artist and had failed terribly at that back home. The prospect to start over in the same place made me uncomfortable and doubtful of the success. Another part of my decision to open one here, was the fact that you would be here regularly and I hoped I could catch you on one of these stopovers."

"God…" Lexa breathed out. "I really, really wish you had made yourself known the time you came down to the harbour."

"Believe me, me too." Clarke snorted and placed a plate in front of Lexa. "I'm sorry I have nothing fancier to offer, but I'm not a star cook." She winked.

"It's fine Clarke. I'll cook for you the next time I'm here."

"Mmm, Lexa Woods, my private Chef."

"Thank god you're not a critic anymore. Otherwise it'd be very awkward." Lexa joked.

"I learned my lesson. I'll never underrate your talent in any room of the house ever again."

They finished the snack talking about the past months. Lexa confirmed she had been at Clarke's old workplace and the blonde told her a more detailed version of how she'd ended up on the island.

Their time ran out and before they realised they had to get ready and dressed for the world.

"Wanna shower with me?" Clarke asked suggestively.

"Hell yes."

They didn't quite make it to the shower before they were once more a naked, writhing mess against each other, only stabilized by a wall.

"We really need to get going." Lexa panted after a moment of regaining their senses, licking off sweat from Clarke's neck.

"Then stop doing what you're doing. I can't think straight with your mouth on me." Clarke huffed just as breathless.

"Well, I'd hope straight isn't at all what you think with my mouth on you." Lexa laughed, but stepped back lifting her hands above her head in an 'I'm innocent' gesture.

They showered, unable to keep their hands off each other, but their touches remained innocent. They got dressed again and left the house shortly after. Lexa intertwined their hands, wanting to stay in physical contact with Clarke. The blonde squeezed her fingers conveying her thanks for the small gesture and held onto her newly found girlfriend with a bright smile.

"I almost forgot." Lexa laughed at herself, when they rounded the last corner and the harbour was in sight. "Can I please have your mobile number?"

Clarke joined in her laughter and held out her other hand for Lexa to give her the phone. The blonde typed in her information and sent herself a message. "Don't think I wouldn't have asked for it." She teased.

"I really hope to hear from you as often as possible." Lexa replied quietly.

"I'm going to miss you so much. I don't know what's worse now. Not being with you and missing you or being in a relationship with you and missing you." Clarke sighed.

"I don't know either, but I promise to get on your nerves all the time. You probably won't miss me much." Lexa tried to lighten the mood.

"Impossible."

When they crossed the road before the harbour area opened up, Clarke spotted Betty with three other women sitting in the café she was supposed to go with her in the morning. She felt bad for not having thought of her earlier, but it had been her fault, if she threw Lexa into Clarke's arms. Octavia, Raven and to Clarke's surprise Costia shared her table in the shade of the awning laughing with the older woman. Raven spotted them walking over and lifted her arms in a cheerful gesture.

"Woohoo, the lovebirds have finally returned to reality to join us mere mortals." She yelled. The rest of the group looked over as well and Clarke and Lexa blushed, realising the others knew what they had been doing the last couple of hours.

"You sound jealous." Lexa said instead of a greeting, when Clarke leaned down to hug Betty.

"Oh please… I can have sex whenever I want. You're the one who'll be jealous soon." Raven pointed out, but hugged Clarke when she stopped next to her. "Hi."

"True." Lexa said and pulled two chairs over to settle at the table before she had to start her shift. Clarke said hello to Octavia in the same manner and finally turned to face Costia.

"I'm sorry for putting you in a weird situation." She apologized to the bartender and held out a hand in greeting.

"It's alright. No harm done." Costia assured her with a casual shrug and pulled her into an embrace, but letting her go quickly. Clarke settled next to her girlfriend and linked their hands together once more.

"Ok, Clarke. You've got to tell me one thing." Raven addressed her over the table. "Why the hell do you have no social media? What kind of person in the 21st century are you?"

"What do you mean? I have facebook, tumblr, twitter and instagram." Clarke counted with her fingers, slightly confused.

"Not with your name though." Raven pouted.

"Yeah, we searched the whole world wide web for you." Lexa added.

"No, my private accounts are not under my real name. That was reserved for my job as a critic. I wanted to preserve my privacy."

"Oh that makes sense." Raven and Lexa shared a glance.

After five minutes 'Blue Sky' was friends with everyone at the table and had changed her status to 'in a relationship'. They shook their heads when Clarke and Lexa told them they had been so close to meeting the past months, but kept missing each other.

"You guys were really unlucky."

"Well, better late than never..." Lexa shared a smile with Clarke, but sighed almost immediately. "This, however, does not apply to my job. I have to go." She looked around the group. "You guys staying?"

"Yeah… what are your plans? We're not leaving until late." Octavia looked at Clarke.

"If you don't have to work, we could have some dinner as well?" She turned to Lexa. "Will you be able to say goodbye?"

"I'll have my right hand finish the nightly duties. I'll meet you latest by nine."

"Keep me posted?"

"Promise. I love you." Lexa leaned over and kissed her sweetly.

"Mmm…" Clarke moaned a little in surprise. She didn't expect Lexa to be so affectionate in public. "I love you too."

"You guys are sickeningly cute." Raven grumbled with a big grin.

"Shut up. I've waited four months to do this so I'll bloody well kiss my girlfriend, whenever I can." Lexa huffed out and left one more kiss on Clarke's forehead. "See you in a little while."

"See you."

Clarke watched her walking towards the ship and disappearing inside the open loading dock. She turned back to the rest and blushed. "What?"

"You look happy."

"Of course I'm happy, and thankful." She looked at Betty. "Thank you for meddling once more."

"That sounds so negative. I only wanted you happy."

"I know. I'm glad you did. I would not have come down to the harbour ever again without you clearing up the misunderstanding."

"Yeah, speaking of that." Costia shuffled in her seat. "You don't have to worry about anything. Lexa is one hundred percent addicted to you."

"Thank you for saying that." Clarke felt weird sitting and listening to the woman she'd thought had stolen her happiness.

"We're only friends and I'd like to be your friend too, if you let me."

"You haven't done anything wrong Costia."

"I know and I'm glad you know that too." She smiled.

"So, after this is out of the way, how do you guys wanna make it work?" Octavia asked the one question all of them where thinking since Lexa had left for her shift.

Clarke sighed. "I'm not sure. We're trying to be together as often as possible."

"So… long distance?"

"Yeah…."

"You are officially exclusive though?"

"Yes."

"Cool…"

"So how the hell did you end up on this island?" Raven wondered after a moment of silence, changing the topic.

Clarke laughed and started to talk about her last couple of months.

* * *

The time flew by and before Clarke really comprehended she had to say goodbye to Lexa. The Chef had met up with them as promised and they shared a few more sentimental words, but they could not stop the time from getting away from them.

"I can't believe after finding you, I have to leave you again." Lexa mumbled into blonde tresses, holding Clarke close.

"I can't believe after being with you, I have to let you go." She breathed against the brunette's neck.

"I'll call you as soon as I can." Lexa promised and shifted the woman in her arms to look at her.

"I'll be waiting for you." She whispered and melted their lips together, underlining the seriousness of her words. She's not only waiting for the call, she'd wait forever for her to come back.

"I love you." Lexa said between kisses.

"I love you too." Clarke murmured against the lips she knew she'd miss the instant they were gone. "Be safe." She raked her hands through Lexa's hair slightly scratching the skin.

"I promise." Lexa closed her eyes at the ministrations and a tear fell down her cheek. "I'll miss you madly."

"I already miss you."

The last signal for boarding sounded loudly through the night and they sighed deeply. They walked to the bridge, hand in hand and Lexa leaned over one last time and placed a soft kiss on trembling lips, before starting the hardest walk ever. Clarke held onto her hand until she couldn't anymore and the limb fell emptily against her side. The evening air was still warm, but the blonde shivered. Lexa walked backwards up the bridge, eyes still fixed on Clarke's and she mouthed 'I love you' once more. When she stepped on board, she was welcomed by Raven and Octavia; Costia had started her night shift in the club. The couple wrapped their arms around the brunette and watched Betty taking Clarke into her arms as well. They waved as long as they could, but half an hour later, the ship was gone and left a huge gaping hole in Clarke's heart.

"Come on. Let's go and relax with a nice glass of wine and talk about it." Betty offered and the blonde nodded numbly.

* * *

It had been two days since they had seen each other in person. Forty-eight hours since their lips had touched and their hands had caressed each other's bodies. Clarke was beyond helpless at the feelings invading her mind. She wasn't used to missing someone to the extent of physical pain. She craved every inch of Lexa, she longed for any kind of touch from the brunette. Before she had to leave again, Betty had encouraged her to convert her temporary heartbreak into art and Clarke was really trying, but all she had managed so far was staring at an empty canvas and feeling numb and hurt at the same time. With Betty gone, she couldn't even force herself to wash and eat.

Lexa didn't cope much better, but she had a demanding job which occupied her mind. If she hadn't been a master of shutting Clarke out prior to their 'epiphanical' meeting, she'd figured she'd be a crying puddle.

They had talked to each other as often as Lexa could get away from her kitchen, and the sound of their voices soothed the emptiness the forced separation had thrown them in, but both knew it wasn't enough.

Thankfully, the Adventure of the Seas docked back in San Juan and Lexa had three days off. She wasn't sure Clarke knew her schedule well enough already and was aware of the upcoming downtime. She hadn't asked and Lexa hadn't told her. If possible, she wanted to surprise her, even though it had not really been too long.

As soon as she was off duty she went to the airport and bought a return ticket from San Juan to Oranjestad. She was lucky; the one flight each day had seats left and didn't cost a fortune. Though, Lexa would have paid anything to be able to be with Clarke. She had to run to catch the plane and only managed to send a text to the blonde, hoping it was enough.

**Lexa (13:35): Hi Clarke. I'm about to catch the next flight to Oranjestad. Will land around 15:30. Pick me up? :)**

She stumbled onto the little aircraft and relaxed once she sat down in her seat. Her phone vibrated in her pocket and she knew who was calling.

"Hi there." She said flirtatiously.

"Are you seriously on your way here?" The husky voice sounded breathy and Lexa clenched her thighs together. She was convinced this would always be a major turn on for her.

"I am. I hope you don't have plans."

Clarke laughed. "Are you really coming back?" She sounded incredibly happy and Lexa couldn't wait to kiss her.

"Yes, I'm really coming back to you."

"Wow, this is an awesome surprise."

"I have to cut you off now, I'm sorry for the short notice."

"Don't be. I'm… I can't wait to see you."

"Me neither. I love you."

"I love you so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you…" Clarke laughed once more and Lexa couldn't help but swoon.

"Don't thank me; I'm doing it out of selfish reasons. I need to be with you."

"Ok, be safe and I'll see you real soon." She let out a yell of joy.

"Will do. See you soon."

"You're crazy, I love you baby."

Lexa laughed and returned the sentiment before hanging up. She felt fuzzy and warm at the term of endearment Clarke had used for the first time.

* * *

The ninety minutes had passed by in a blur. She hadn't slept well the past two days and the knowledge she'd see her soon, had lulled Lexa into a slight slumber. When she'd been woken by a flight attendant she'd felt the excitement return and the butterflies running amok inside her belly. Now, she was positively vibrating.

The airport was tiny compared to San Juan and Lexa didn't take long to find her way back to the loving arms of her girlfriend. She saw her standing in a beautiful summer dress, hair loose and slightly moving by the flow of the air conditioning. She took her breath away. Lexa grinned when Clarke spotted her. The blonde's face lit up and she ran towards her and jumped into her arms. Lexa caught her with ease and held her close, revelling in the protective feeling of Clarke's legs around her waist.

"God, I missed you so fucking much." She said and kissed her desperately.

"I still can't believe you're here." Clarke broke their kiss to look at her. "Fuck, you're gorgeous." Lexa blushed at the admission and let Clarke softly slide down to the ground.

"Get used to it, babe." She laughed and linked their hands together. "How long will you stay?"

"I have to be back in two days, we're leaving the day after and I have to check on the purchases."

"Yay." Clarke exclaimed when they exited the airport building into the heat that was Aruba. "It's not long, but we'll make the best out of it." She wiggled her eyebrows.

"I didn't come for a booty call." Lexa grinned.

"No?" Clarke pretended to be shocked.

"Not primarily." Lexa teased.

"But as well?"

"Have you seen yourself?"

They laughed and teased each other all the way back into town. They could have chosen a car or even the bus, but it was a nice walk along the coast and neither felt ready to share the other with strangers.

They passed by the coffee shop and stopped to enjoy a drink in the shade. Clarke told her she had a business meeting later in the evening she couldn't afford to shift, but wanted Lexa to come along.

"I don't want to intrude on your gallery meeting. I'll just wait at home."

Clarke didn't comment how the one syllable word filled the cracks in her soul and flushed the emptiness in her mind with warm love. She wasn't sure it had been a colloquial slip up or if she really thought of here as home.

"It's a follow up meeting and we could go get dinner afterwards."

"Or I'll go and get food and cook for us."

"You're off work; I don't want you to feel obliged to provide dinner."

Lexa raised an eyebrow at that. "First of all, I don't feel obliged to do anything. I love cooking, with or without a pay cheque. Secondly, I love you, and I promised the last time." She closed the short distance and kissed Clarke's cheek lovingly. "So let me cook for us."

Clarke sighed, but nodded. "Ok, but I'll help with the shopping. I didn't expect you and the fridge is still empty."

"Still?"

"Don't look at me like that. I wasn't in the mood to eat."

"Babe, you need to take care of yourself. I need to know that you're feeding yourself properly." They gazed at each other for a few moments, before Lexa continued. "I can deal with the separation, as long as I know you're ok."

"Fine." Clarke agreed. "I'm sorry; I just didn't feel like doing much at all when you left."

"You can't stop living whenever we're not together."

"I get that."

"Do you really?"

"Please, stop worrying. I promise I'll take care of me from now on." She smiled softly to emphasize her promise and take off Lexa's worry.

"I'll always worry; it comes naturally for people I love." Lexa said quietly and marvelled at the bright smile which took over Clarke's features.

"You know, you're perfect." The blonde sighed a moment later.

Lexa just shrugged uncomfortably. She meant what she'd said. Thinking of someone and wondering if they were doing ok was part of being in love for her.

They stayed quiet for another moment, watching each other, drinking in the person they had become to each other. "Shall we go and get the food?" Clarke broke the silence with a gentle smile and a lingering hand on the brunette's own.

They left and Clarke led the two of them to the nearest grocery market and Lexa's whole demeanour changed when she saw the variety of food. Clarke smirked and told her to roam free and promised she'd follow her.

* * *

Clarke had left Lexa unwillingly and under protest. She really didn't want to be apart from her at all. At the end she let herself be pushed out of the house with a lot of kisses, a promise for more and the perspective of a candle light dinner on her balcony.

Lexa went into the blonde's kitchen and busied herself with creating an unforgettable first date dinner. She wasn't a particular romantic person, but she wanted to make this evening special for Clarke.

She was just about to finish up, when she heard the key in the lock and loud groan in the hall. "Mmmm, that smells divine."

"I should hope so." Lexa laughed and walked towards her, taking off the handbag and pulling her into her arms. "Successful?" She asked, placing a kiss on smiling lips.

"Yes. I finally convinced them to go with my colour palate."

"Meaning?"

"They want me to create a mural in their restaurant and we had two previous meetings where my suggestions and ideas weren't accepted."

"Idiots."

"You're biased."

"Do you want to relax first or are you hungry enough to eat?"

"Food!" Clarke exclaimed and clapped her hands. "I'm starving."

"Good, well go through and I'll be with you in a minute."

Clarke grinned and walked on bare feet through her living room and onto her balcony, which was covered in candles bathing it in a soft glow. She settled at her kitchen table, Lexa had carried out to make the dinner possible and waited. She couldn't believe her life had taken such a drastic turn in events. Merely four days ago, she was heartbroken and never would have thought she'd ever see Lexa again and then in a matter of a day, everything changed and here she was being pampered by her very own star cook girlfriend. 'What are the odds,' she thought when Lexa stepped over the threshold and placed two exceptionally beautifully decorated plates down.

"Wow." Clarke breathed in amazement. "I feel the itch to take a picture of this."

"Well…" Lexa grinned. "I can only encourage you to do so, to make sure you know how awesome Woods food can be." She winked cheekily and brushed her fingers over Clarke's hand.

"I'll make you a deal." The blonde drawled. "You stop bringing up the past and I'll promise to be your biggest fan." She waited a second to gauge Lexa's reaction, who laughed softly at her words. "How does that sound? Deal?"

"Deal, but for the record..." Lexa leaned over and kissed her. "I don't hate our story. I think if we ever look back, it's a funny way to find each other."

"If your 'looking back' is in a million years, I agree."

"I just think it must have been hilarious for an onlooker to see the events which led us here."

"Hilarious?" Clarke deadpanned. "I'd rather describe them as frustrating, devastating, mind-numbing, hair-pulling, awfully exasperating, but feel free to go with hilarious."

They shared another smile, before Lexa gestured for Clarke to start eating. "I don't want it to get cold."

"It looks delicious baby, thank you."

There it was again, the term of endearment and it made the butterflies explode all over again. Lexa watched her trying the dinner and mentally patted herself on the back for the look of complete pleasure on Clarke's face.

'Worth a million years working in the kitchen." She thought.

* * *

They had enjoyed the evening outside on the balcony with a glass of wine each and small talk until Clarke had cleared the table and dragged Lexa back inside and onto the couch.

"Even though…" She said in her raspy voice. "You didn't come to come..." She winked cheekily. "I want you to." She climbed on top of Lexa and grinded her hips suggestively.

"Oh my god…" Lexa exhaled, overwhelmed by the sensation and experience. "Fuck…" She whispered when Clarke took off her shirt and bra and leaned back in her lap. One of Lexa's hands stayed firmly pressed to the small of the blonde's back to make sure she wouldn't fall off, the other, however, roamed freely over the vast expense of creamy white skin and rose nipples quickly to stiffen under the brunette's ministrations. "You're so stunning." She murmured against the hot skin under her mouth before dragging her tongue over skin covered in goose bumps. "Mmmm…" She moaned when Clarke's scent filled her brain and switched off any thoughts other than wanting to make love to her. She pushed herself to the edge of the seat and quickly reversed their position, roughly placing Clarke onto her back on the couch and climbing on top of her. The blonde moaned out obscenely at the display of power and control and pushed her hips desperately against Lexa's, who didn't wait a second longer to strip her off her clothes and take her the moment she had access.

Clarke soared off the couch and pushed deeper onto Lexa. "Shiiiit…" She panted. "Fuck you're so good at that."

Lexa laughed at the comment, but the laughter stopped abruptly and was replaced with pure awe when she watched Clarke falling apart for her.

The blonde returned the favour as eagerly and competent as Lexa, before they fell exhaustedly onto the floor, cuddling into each other. They listened quietly to each other's exaggerated breathing, whilst staying as connected as they could. There was no need for communication; their heartbeats did all the talking for the moment. The silence stretched on and Clarke wondered if Lexa had fallen asleep, when she moved to look at the blonde with questioning eyes, sensing she wanted to say something. Clarke bit her lip, contemplating whether she should say what was on her mind or ignore the matter longer. She exhaled loudly when she had decided, and shifted in Lexa's embrace to have a better look at her. "Shall we talk about the future?" She whispered.

Instead of an immediate answer the brunette studied her girlfriend. The subject of future had never been a bother to her. She was successfully living in the here and now, but Clarke was right. They had to talk about it. Lexa just wasn't sure she was prepared for it. "I don't know." She mumbled evasively.

"You don't know if you want to talk about it or you're unsure of your future?"

"Both."

Clarke sighed. "We at least need to figure out how we're going to go on." Lexa nodded, but remained silent and Clarke continued. "I can't leave Aruba. I've just established the gallery and it starts to be profitable."

"I don't want you to leave." That was a given fact to Lexa. Whatever, Clarke and her were or would become to be, she never wanted her to change her life solely for Lexa's sake. "You're the one settled." She said after a moment.

"You feel unsettled in your life?"

"No, I mean as in you have a home and business tied to the place. I'm working for a company without having a real home because I'm more moving around than being in one place."

"Do you enjoy it?"

"Up until now, I never questioned my decision to start working for a ship company. It is adventurous and never gets boring."

"But?" Clarke prodded when Lexa didn't indicate she would go on.

"But, I haven't had a reason to be somewhere when I signed the contract."

"You do now?" Her voice was hopeful and Lexa smiled a little strained at the notion that Clarke seemed to still be oblivious about how much she loved her.

"I do."

"Could you see yourself living here?"

"Actually yes."

"Yes?" Clarke was slightly out of breath at the idea of Lexa living with her on the island. "Like seriously yes?"

"Yes." Lexa laughed. "One day I could totally live here."

"Oh my god." Clarke squealed in excitement. "I can't wait for that day to come."

"Me neither." Lexa leaned over and kissed her deeply. "It won't be soon though." She dampened the mood. "We have to figure if you and I are working out."

"I know."

"You ok with that?"

"It takes as long as it takes."

"I love you so much."

"I love you too."

* * *

_From: Clarke Griffin_

_To: Lexa Woods_

_Subject: I miss you_

_Lex,_

_Hope your day has been better than mine. I had to cancel the contract with the restaurant as they didn't want to pay the money we had agreed on. The owner is American and he clearly thought he could take us islanders to the cleaners. Can you imagine, he told me to do the mural for half the price and he wouldn't even pay for the material? He said it's already more than enough money for that kind of work._

_God, I hate privileged assholes who think they own the world._

_Anyway, I'm half glad I don't have to be at the place for a month, but I could have needed the money._

_Oh well, how's your day been?_

_I miss you awfully._

_Can't wait to hear your voice again? I don't like it when you're too busy to have a private life. ;-)_

_Ok, call me soon._

_I love you,_

_Clarke_

* * *

Her phone rang in the middle of the night and Clarke shot up in shock, panicking for a moment when she saw the caller's ID.

"Lex? What's wrong? Are you ok?" She burst out instead of a greeting.

"Clarke… mmmm… I've missed your voice." She answered sleepily. Clarke checked the time, and put her on speaker.

"Have you been working up until now?" She asked worriedly.

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I had an idea and wanted to see if I could pull it off. Ray was the guinea pig…" She yawned loudly. "Sorry… I'm exhausted."

"Oh baby…" Clarke smiled warmly at the tired voice of her girlfriend.

"I'm ok. I'll get some sleep, but I wanted to talk to you." Another yawn disrupted her. "I'm sorry about the mural." She added when she could speak again.

"Me too. What have you been working on with Raven?"

"Oh… Been playing with different culinary experiences."

"Fusion cuisine?"

"Mmm, I tend to forget you know what I'm talking about." She murmured.

"Only the terminology." Clarke laughed quietly.

"I miss you." It sounded as Lexa was almost asleep and Clarke melted at the thought that Lexa was utterly exhausted, but still wanted to talk to her. They'd been going strong for the past weeks; they'd made it work so far.

"Sleep Lex. Call me when you wake up."

"Only have the evening shift tomorrow. Wanna spend the morning with me?"

"I know and yes please."

"Ok baby…"

"Sleep well. I love you."

"I love you too. Till tomorrow."

Before Lexa could hang up she was asleep and Clarke listened to her breathing. It was soothing and comforting. It had happened before, and without exclusion she felt closer to her. It was almost like if she were next to her, if Clarke closed her eyes. Almost.

"I'm so in love with you." She whispered after a while and disconnected the call. Her last mobile bill had been horrendous. She sighed and snuggled into her blanket and was quickly asleep as well.

* * *

_From: Lexa Woods_

_To: Clarke Griffin_

_Subject: I'm sorry_

_My love,_

_I've got some bad news for us. I tried calling, but then I remembered you're with customers._

_Anyway, I got the notice that I'll be working on another ship. I'll be off to Europe until they find someone else to replace the Chef position. I don't know how long that will take._

_I'm so sorry._

_Call me when you read this._

_I love you._

* * *

"Why do you have to go? Can't they find someone else?"

"I'm sorry Clarke. Without bragging, but I'm the best they have and the cruise in Europe is danger to be cancelled for sure if they don't increase the quality of it."

"I kinda hate that you're a decorated cook at the moment."

"I know. Me too."

"Will we be ok?"

"I promise. We'll make it work."

* * *

_From: Clarke Griffin_

_To: Lexa Woods_

_Subject: Re:Re:Re: I'm sorry_

_It's been a month!_

_I miss you so fucking much!_

_I'm sorry for crying the other night and I'm sorry for saying I'm sorry. I know you don't want to hear that. I just can't help myself. I don't want to put more pressure on you, I want to be the rock for you, but all I seem to do is make it worse._

_Betty called me the other day to let me know she'll be coming to Aruba within the month. I look forward to it. She's been such a great friend._

_Raven and O called me too. They'll be landing here later today. I'm going to spend the day with them._

_Have you heard anything for when you can come back here?_

_I love you so._

_C_

* * *

**Lexa (12:45): Baby, I miss you the same. It's a great experience here in Europe, but I wish you were with me.**

**Clarke (15:56): Where are you at the moment?**

**Lexa (15:57): Spain. You ok?**

**Clarke (16:00): I've never been. Is it any good?**

**Lexa (16:01): It's beautiful. I'll send you some pics. Hold on.**

**Lexa (16:01):** Picture 1

**Lexa (16:03):** Picture 2

**Lexa (16:04):** Picture 3

**Clarke (16:05): Wow, inspirational.**

**Lexa (16:05): How are you?**

**Clarke (16:08): I'm ok. You?**

**Lexa (16:08): Yeah.**

**Clarke (16:08): Any news?**

**Lexa (16:15): None. I'm sorry.**

**Clarke (16:15): Don't be. It's not your fault. I know you'd be here in a heartbeat if you could.**

**Lexa (16:15): I promise this will have an end.**

**Lexa (16:23): Clarke?**

**Clarke (16:25): You keep saying that…**

**Lexa (16:25): Can I call you?**

**Clarke (16:30):** Incoming call

"Baby." Lexa cooed immediately after picking up her phone. "I'm sorry."

"I know... I'm sorry I'm just down."

"Did something else happen?"

Clarke heard rustling and shuffling on the other end and furrowed her brow. "Do you have time to talk?"

Lexa sighed, before the sound of a door clicking into its lock replaced the sound. "I don't have much time, but I needed to hear your voice."

"I'm just sorry for myself I guess. You have that awesome chance and all I'm doing is complaining because you don't get to come and see me. I'm an awful girlfriend."

"You're not." She answered short-clipped and lame. She loved Clarke endlessly, but she had a stressful day and it felt difficult to serve her girlfriend's insecurities.

"That means you think I am." Clarke huffed out.

"I just said you're not." Lexa answered annoyed.

"Right."

"You're clearly in a bad mood. What happened?" Lexa tried once more, not wanting the conversation to end in a fight.

"Nothing happened."

"You don't want to talk about it?"

"I don't want to talk with you. I want to be with you." It sounded as if Clarke was pouting.

"Ok. I can't change the circumstances at the moment."

"Do you miss me?"

"More than you could ever know."

"Do you love me?"

"Form the bottom of my heart until infinity." Lexa heard her giggling and smiled in relief. "You sure, you're ok?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry for picking a fight. I just miss you so much."

"Are we ok?"

"Always."

"Ok." Clarke heard the door open someone talking with Lexa in hushed voices. "I've got to go." Her girlfriend informed her. "I'll call you later?"

"Ok. Stay safe. I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

_From: Clarke Griffin_

_To: Lexa Woods_

_Subject: Fucking finally_

_Yay!_

_I can't believe you're coming home. That's awesome. I wish I could reach you. I hate not being able to hear your beautiful voice whenever I need to. Make sure you're back in civilisation soon._

_Also, send me your flight details. Can't wait!_

_Best day ever!_

* * *

_From: Lexa Woods_

_To: Clarke Griffin_

_Subject: Re: Fucking finally_

_Great subject babe!_

_I know right? I can't wait either. It's only two more weeks here, before I can fly back. The new chef is great. She has been quick in getting accustomed to everything. Quite talented as well._

_I'll send you the details asap._

_Love you so._

_L_

* * *

**Clarke (22:15): She?**

**Lexa (23:56): Huh?**

**Clarke (23:56): You conveniently forgot to tell me the new Chef is female?**

**Lexa (23:58): Are you jealous?**

**Lexa (0:05): Clarke?**

**Lexa (0:10): Babe?**

**Lexa (0:20): Ok… seems you are, but you have absolutely no reason to be. I love you. She's not my type.**

**Clarke (0:25): Not your type? Would you fuck her if she was?**

**Lexa (0:25): Really? Are you seriously asking me this?**

**Clarke (0:32): Yes I'm seriously asking you this.**

**Lexa (0:35): Wow, do you trust me, Clarke?**

**Clarke (0:35): You're avoiding the question.**

**Lexa (0:35): I don't want to fight with you.**

**Clarke (0:36): You still haven't answered my question. So I take it you would. That's great.**

**Lexa (0:36): No, I wouldn't sleep with her. First of all, this is a professional relationship. Secondly, I'm happily taken.**

**Clarke (0:36): You sure?**

**Lexa (0:37): I'm sure about both points, not sure I'll be happily taken much longer if you don't trust me one bit.**

**Clarke (0:40): Are you breaking up with me?**

**Lexa (0:44): Oh my god, Clarke. Please. I love you. Stop jumping to conclusions.**

**Clarke (0:44): Sorry**

**Lexa (0:50): Just for future reference. I'm not breaking up with you and I still love you endlessly.**

**Clarke (1:05): Why haven't you told me about her?**

**Lexa (1:05): I didn't think it mattered. I'm with you and I'm happy.**

**Clarke (1:06): Ok. Fuck. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to blow up on you.**

**Lexa (1:10): Let's talk about it tomorrow. It's late for you.**

**Clarke (1:12): Are you mad?**

**Lexa (1:15): Sad you're not trusting me enough, but not mad.**

**Clarke (1:15): I love you. I'm sorry.**

**Lexa (1:16): I love you too. Rest well.**

* * *

_From: Clarke Griffin_

_To: Lexa Woods_

_Subject: SORRY_

_Babe,_

_I couldn't sleep. I don't know why I accused you. I feel so removed from you and I'm jealous of everyone who can be with you, talk to you, see you and spend time with you. I know I shouldn't, but I can't stop me from doing so._

_It took us so long to find a way back to each other and now we're separated once more. I think, I can't really handle this, but I know I shouldn't have blamed you. I know this. I promise I trust you. I do. I hope you trust me too that I'm telling you the truth._

_I love you._

* * *

When Clarke woke up she felt like shit. It wasn't the first time she had been jealous, but it was the first time she had lashed out and had hurt Lexa. She crawled out of her bed and stepped into the kitchen. It was lunchtime; she hadn't been able to fall asleep for a long time.

She was just about to prepare something to eat, when her phone rang.

"Yeah?" She answered the call absentmindedly, still strung up on her horrid behaviour towards Lexa.

"I do trust you." Lexa said without greeting.

"Babe." Clarke breathed out heavily. "I -"

"I'm not mad for you being jealous. It's a reassurance of sorts that you indeed love me." She interrupted the blonde. "But you really don't have to be."

They stayed silent for a moment. Lexa's night shift had just ended and she leaned against the railing watching the Mediterranean landscape passing by.

"How long?" Clarke's voice called her back to reality, and although she had spaced out she knew what she was referring to.

"Ten days and counting."

Clarke just sighed.

"Do you want to give up?" Lexa asked in a quiet, vulnerable voice.

"Lexa." Clarke straightened up alarmed. "No."

"I know it's hard babe, but it's hard for both of us. You're not in it on your own."

"You're right." She sighed once more and slid down onto the kitchen floor. "You're right."

"It's been the longest time of us being apart."

"You promise."

"Yes." It sounded convincing and both smiled unbeknownst to the other.

"I'm so excited to have you home."

"I can't wait."

They shared a bit more news and Clarke told her about her work, before Lexa settled in for the night.

* * *

**Clarke (11:26): Babe! The restaurant I was supposed to decorate is on the market!**

**Lexa (11:35): Calm down. What?**

**Clarke (11:36): Remember me telling you about the wall mural and the American douchebag who wouldn't pay me the agreed money?**

**Lexa (11:40): Oh yes. It's on the market?**

* * *

Clarke paced the airport building from one side to the other. Today was the day she had been waiting for eight whole weeks. Two long months without Lexa and she was ready to shackle her down and keep her forever attached to her hip. The mere thought of her leaving in a few days to go back to the Adventures of the Seas saddened her and made her angry at the same time.

She was so deeply immerged in her thoughts that she missed the announcement of the landing of Lexa's flight. She was still pacing, with her back to the exit, when two strong arms stopped her and engulfed her tightly into an embrace.

"Are you contemplating running away?" Lexa's soft voice asked against the tender skin on her neck and she shivered at the sensation. She only shook her head, unable to talk and twisted in her arms to connect their lips the moment she could reach them. They kissed deeply, reassuringly. Although they had been apart for longer since knowing each other, the fact that they hadn't been in a relationship back then had made the split almost bearable compared to now. They didn't care for the world around them. The need was overwhelming to stay connected with their lips locked and tongues intertwined, stroking and caressing the other.

They broke apart when they needed to breathe, but they stayed close, inhaling each other's air.

"You can't believe how much I've missed you." Clarke eventually offered weakly, stroking Lexa's cheek lovingly.

"Probably as much as I've missed you." She replied quietly, a tear rolled down and was wiped away by Clarke's tender fingers.

"Are you ok?" She asked nervously.

"Yes, just so grateful to be with you finally."

"Come on. Let's get you home."

* * *

They spent the rest of the day in bed. Reconnecting on all levels they had missed and craved, before Lexa convinced Clarke to get up to eat proper food.

"So, I called the agency for a viewing of the restaurant." Clarke said nonchalantly between bites.

Lexa coughed in surprise. "You did what?"

"Well, I figured it wouldn't hurt if we had a look at it…" She shrugged the intense gaze off of her and smiled.

"And why would you do that?" It sounded more amused than anything. She had an idea where this conversation might lead.

"It's always a good idea to invest in promising businesses." Clarke said evasively.

"There's no business in the premises at the moment."

"But there could be."

"What kind of business are you thinking?"

Clarke rolled her eyes at her for playing stupid. She could see Lexa knew where she was going with this, but she played along. "Well, the island is covered in restaurants of all different kinds of cuisine, but none is a high profile, star decorated one. I think people would dig that."

"Sounds like you've done some research. Let's hear it." She grinned now.

"Ok, well I thought you could open a place which offers all sorts of food, especially now with your European cuisine, and on top of that I thought we could offer special nights like… one night we could do a 'eat in the dark' dinner experience and one night could be a 'prepare your dinner yourself with help' evening. I don't know… what?" Clarke stopped talking and watched Lexa grinning like a fool.

"That sounds amazing." She states simply.

"Just ideas…"

"You're stunning."

"Thanks… you do know why I do all of this, right?"

Lexa nodded and stood up and walked towards her. "I do and I want that too. The past two months have been awful."

"Even if this works out, you still have to stay employed with the shipping company another few months, so we won't rush anything."

"Baby, I don't feel rushed at all. I want to be with you forever…" Clarke's eyes widened at the admission.

"You know that already?"

"You're my missing puzzle piece. Yes, I do know. Don't be scared."

"I'm not. I'm relieved, because I feel the same."

* * *

_Dear Ms Woods,_

_We are happy to send you the agreement for sale of business on Caya Ing. Roland H. Lacle 12, Oranjestad, Aruba._

_Please sign all exemplars and send them back to the given address. Once the payment has come through, we will be happy to meet up again and hand over the keys._

_We're looking forward to a healthy and prosperous business relationship._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Sotheby's International Realty_

* * *

It had been another three months before Lexa boarded her flight to Aruba without a return ticket.

She had taken a great risk in order to open her very own restaurant, but with Clarke and Betty as emotional and financial support, she was willing to jump out of her comfort zone.

Since they started dating, Clarke hadn't missed one flight to come and pick her up. No matter how busy the artist was she'd always been there. Today was no exclusion. Lexa walked into her open arms with a huge grin on her face.

"Welcome forever." Clarke exclaimed loudly and kissed her deeply. "Your stuff arrived this morning. Are you sure this is all there is?"

They linked their hands and started walking towards the taxis as Lexa carried all her clothes she had in her cabin on board.

"Yes, I am. Contrary to the public opinion of women, I actually don't need much stuff to be happy."

"Yeah I realised. Five pairs of shoes? I hope you got more in there." She pointed to the bags on the trolley.

"Be happy the shoe rack is yours."

They arrived quickly at Clarke's apartment, which would be transformed into their shared home.

"I left the fridge empty, cos I know how much you like going shopping." Clarke teased when she stepped over the threshold.

"Yeah… some things never change. You're just too lazy to cook for yourself. I'm surprised you survived without me." Lexa teased back with a wink.

"You better take care of me then." Clarke stated in a husky voice and walked further into the flat, swaying her hips suggestively.

"Oh I will." Lexa laughed and swept her off her feet to carry her into their bedroom. "I will." She repeated softly before pulling her in for a passionate kiss.

The end…

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is my spot to once more say thank you to all your kind reviews and feedback. It's been awesome and I look forward to more in the coming year. I'll update the story 'Love at First Flight' within the next days. Promise. Thanks again.
> 
> J

**Author's Note:**

> So, this story will be a few chapters long. No idea how long as I haven't written it yet. To make things more complicated, I'm writing two stories at the same time. Depending which one gets more hits or likes or reviews or or or, I'll update first. So let me know which one you like more. Either here or on tumblr (Jaansche).
> 
> 02/17: I was made aware of an unauthorised upload of this story by thebestlesbianships.tumblr.com on tumblr. If you find this story elsewhere and have read it and its context differs please let me know. If you like my story/stories I'm grateful for a repost of the original URL/link of either AO3 or fanfiction.net, but DO NOT repost my chapters. Thanks Jaansche


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